Flibbertigibbet

Job Hunt Stage 2-ish: Do Your Research

Ok. I found out what careers I would be kind of good at. I've identified the qualities of a job I want:

- New York
- $$$
- Opportunities for working abroad

Did I mention the $$$?

Now, I'm looking around to get a little more specific. I'm trying to find jobs that sound like something I would be interested in pursuing. I'm also trying to find some companies that sound like something I'd like to work for.

The hunt is not going very well and it's not helped by the fact that I'm being really half-assed about it.

Not helping matters is the fact that my current job sucks butt. I'm really sick of it and I'm not getting any happier about it.

I keep thinking that if I can stick it out to July my stock options will be fully vested and I can avoid getting raped on Capital Gains taxes for selling my house. On the other hand I keep thinking, "This job sucks dirty butt."

It'll work out. I'll pull all this crap together and get done what needs to be done, but in the meantime, I'm really not having much fun here.

In Other Personal News

I think that I have decided that I will become a consultant/project manager-type person in the next stage of my career.

I've heard that the money for consultants is really, really good.

The lifestyle isn't all that great -- you travel like 75% of the time -- but I could put up with that for a couple of years. Hell, I put up with my MBA classes for two years, right?

After being a consultant, I could probably land a directory or veep job at a company in the IT or Marketing arm of the biz.

The alternative, I think, is to be a marketing person. And if you think I lack respect for consultants, I have failed to describe my disdain for marketing folk. Of course, I respect both of them WAY more than I respect human resources people.

I could split the diff and go into account management but that's a lot like sales. *shiver* I really don't want to be in sales, which is the problem I have with starting the next stage of my career in marketing.

So, consulting, I think, is what I'll do. I think I'll be fabulous about it, too! When pressed I can be charming and engaging and even when I'm not those things people believe anything I say. (I can't do sales because I won't use my powers for evil.) So, consulting is perfect, if you ask me. I would get to travel around (I like that) and meet new people (sure) and see new places (great!) and talk a lot about things I know (the moment where my blogs become my job).

Consulting.

So, if you know some people, I'm for hire right now. I would like a really fat paycheck, please. You know, the kind that is so heavy with number before the decimal that you need a wagon to help you take it to the bank. Sign me up!

Crazy Talk

Um. I'm telling you all this because I want to be open about my problem.

I am giving very serious thought to cancelling phone service (including internet) to my house because it will save me money. (I mean, having dial-up is basically being without the internet anyway, right?)

Am I really that hard up for cash? No. It just seems like a very easy and passive way to save some dollars.

I've also noticed that I've started buying store-brand products at the grocery, too.

I think I'm infected with Clark Howarditis and I'm scared, y'all.

Although, I heard that he buys his suits and even his socks and shoes used. I'm sorry, but I have to draw some lines there. If you see me rootin' around in a bin of undergarments at the J&J -- that's Georgia's largest flea market for the unfamiliar -- shoot me. Just kill me and end my misery.

Fortunately, I can safely say that I still spend grotesque amounts on eating out for lunch all the time, so I still have some distance to go before I reach even stage 2 of the disease. But the phone thing is definitely a stage 3 or 4 symptom. Even Clark has a telephone.

I don't know what to do, folks. I just can't shake the thought that I really could do without a phone here at the house. I mean, I talk on the phone at work all day long and I have a cell phone that no one ever calls. What do I need it for?

Let It Hereby Be Resolved

I'm not really one to make New Year's Resolutions. I tend to resolve to do things and then just go do them without regard to the date, but in the spirit of playing along, I am announcing some items I've resolved to do and scheduled for 2005, and I'm going to call them New Year's Resolutions:

• Meet the Ice Scribe
• Pay off my car
• Find a new job
• Run a 5K in under 21 minutes
• Finish reading Les Miserables

So, I've started working on many of these items already. I'll keep you posted on my progress!

Merry Christmas!

Marry Christmas, everyone!

Overheard on the Telephone

Flibby: Hi. I am calling to make sure you're not some scammer trying to get my credit card information.

Heretofore Unknown Person Requesting My Credit Card Information: I would never do that.

Flibby: Ok. Here goes...

Here in the glaring light of afterthought my MBA is looking much less valuable.

ARRRGGG! Part 2

Remember how I thought I had lucked out by placing my order with Barnes and Noble?

Well, I just checked and now it's saying that it won't ship until 12/24.

I should have bought them from the Cordair Gallery where I KNOW it would have been shipped on Saturday and gotten to me in plenty of time, but alas hindsight is 20/20. (In fact, since it's already going to be late, I'm going to do just that...)

I have officially given up on having those gifts in hand for the holiday. This means that I will wind up paying additional shipping when I get back from Christmas to send my dad one of his presents.

This really pisses me off because I took special care to order all of my gifts in plenty of time for the holiday and it didn't matter.

And this, children, is how the Internet ruined Christmas.

A Christmas Moment

The other day I was sitting in traffic listening to Christmas Carols on the radio and the Muppets came on and they were singing the "12 Days of Christmas."

Naturally, I had to sing along.

So, there I am, sitting at a stop light, belting out that carol with the muppets. I was putting particular gusto into the 11 ladies dancing, which goes like this, "Me MeMeMe Me Me" because Beaker sings that part and the 5 gold rings part because Miss Piggy sings that.

And of course, I was doing a little car dance with it.

Suddenly, I noticed some movement in the car ahead of me. I paused, or slowed my roll, and looked at the driver's reflection in her side mirror. Therein I could see her lips moving; she was singing along with me and the Muppets!

There we were: two souls joined in spiritual communion in a Christmas moment with the Muppets.

This IS the holiday season, folks. Go buy me some stuff and have a Christmas moment of your own.

I'm Flibby McFreak of the Freakville McFreaks

My grandmother will not die if sent to the electric chair.

I don't know if that's really true, but I do know that she conducts electricity better than most; she can touch live wires without any harm coming to her. My grandfather used to have her test the electric fence to see if it was working because she could feel the current, but it just didn't hurt. Sometimes she would use her powers for evil and touch people while she was holding onto something with a charge running through it. (She is my favorite gramma.)

Then came my mother who got a Donald Duck watch as a gift. In my family, when a child learns to tell analog time, they are given an analog watch as a present. The first day she wore hers, it took to running backwards. They quickly learned that unless a watch was labeled as having been demagnetized, it would always run backwards for her.

Now there's me. I can be electrocuted and my watches run just fine, but apparently I still have the weird science gene -- I screw up the reception in your appliances.

When I was little, my very presence would interfere with the television reception at my neighbor's house and my aunt's house. The screen would get fuzzier, the closer I got to it. I remember once I was playing blind mans bluff with the neighbor kids and they could always tell when I went past the living room because the tv was on and the static would get loud.

In my house, I have wireless speakers. These days I'm listening to Brahms on a 24/7 rotation, but I have to keep the speakers up on a high shelf, because if they're too low, my movements through the house interfere with the reception. I mapped it out once and if one of the speakers is in my 'wake' as I stand between it and the transmitter, no music gets through -- it's replaced by loud static. I don't know if this happens to everyone, but one day I will remember to test it.

I bring it up now because this weekend, the phenomenon came up again. I went into a store with a old radio sitting on the floor and every time I approached it, the signal was lost completely. The clerk looked up once to see if someone was messing with the station, but I was just walking by minding my own business. I watched other people walk past the radio and nothing happened, so I went back to it and, sure enough, it got staticky again.

My interfering effect is actually pretty minor; don't let my bringing up my mother and grandmother lead you to believe that I'm a walking radar black spot or anything. These days most TVs and radios are strong or robust enough to clearly recieve a signal even when I'm nearby, so I only notice it when I notice things like my wireless speakers acting up.

Anyway, it's just too bad I didn't get a good superpower like being able to fly or turn invisible or withstand electric shocks.

Withstanding electric shocks would be really good right now because it's really dry in my house and my fingers are almost numb from just touching light switches.

Ow?

In the middle of the day today, my back suddenly started hurting me. I didn't do anything special; I was just sitting there. Now, I feel like I slept on it funny.

How obnoxious.

An Open Letter to Food Lion

Dear Food Lion

Today, I had the pleasure of shopping at your Jefferson, GA location. Here, by 'pleasure' I mean 'sphincter spasming experience.'

While I do applaud the business saavy behind the decision to hire cashiers and baggers exclusively from the juvenile detention center, I would like to suggest that they get more training. I totally saw that one girl put my produce in with my ground beef.

You will never manage to kill me if I see you trying.

I will admit, though, that the wench was very good at playing dumb; she acted as if nothing was amiss when I pointed out that she had mixed my veggies and raw meat.

Oh but I did see the spark of recognition when I pointed out to her that I was well aware of the debilitating effects of Escherichia coli O157:H7. I saw fear in her eyes -- she knew she had been caught -- when I painted a graphic picture of the diarrhea and cramping E. Coli causes.

We were both clearly aware of the 61 annual deaths from E. coli and we shared a hearty laugh. But I will have the last laugh yet, Food Lion. Not only will I thoroughly cook my hamburger, but I will ALSO wash my vegetables.

FOOLS, you will have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me in such a heavy-handed plot. We'll see what you can come up with next week.

A Loyal Customer and Best Friends Forever
Flibby

ARRRGGG!

I ordered two copies of Black & White World II on December 6. They are both intended to be Christmas presents and Amazon told me that my order would arrive in time.

Just now, I went to Amazon and found out that my copies of the book would be delayed until FEBRUARY.

First of all, I'm irritated that Amazon has waited this long to update my order and let me know what's going on.

Secondly, I am pretty confident that this isn't Amazon's fault or Cox & Forkum's, but likely a delay at a printer or distributer. This is super-duper irritating.

AND this is the second time this has happened to me with orders placed at Amazon. A copy of Bach's English Suites stagnated in Amazon's ordering system for three months a while back before I just said, "forget about it" and ordered it elsewhere.

Update: I went to Barnes and Noble for the books. Not only will it get here by the 24th, my shipping was free. Take that, stupid Amazon!

This Cracks Me Up

The FBI has a new way of tracking terrorists.

Happy Surfing!

The Kids Are Not Alright

So, Jim's kids have started making a new sound. They've also taken to swearing, but you'll have to hear him tell it.

I just wanted to say that I used to make a similar sound to "dar dar dar dar dar" when I was a kid. From talking to Lovely Wife and Jim, my version was much faster and not formed in the same way that Bear Burger does it. But it's close.

For me it's one of those 'thinking sounds' that I would make when I was completely immersed in my own thoughts or activities. And I'm inclined to think I'm perfectly normal in doing this.

Normal...

hmmmm.... Reflecting now back on my childhood, I don't know if I was ever described as 'normal.' Maybe Bear's Burger's problem is worse than I thought.

Then again, I didn't start spewing obscenities after making that sound either, so maybe everything is ok after all.

Update: One of these days I'm going to pay attention and figure out which one of Jim's kids are which. They're all super cute, but they're definitely distinct individuals. One of them brings me lots of candy. One makes me hold him over the fire. And the big one sits in awe of my ability to master the arcane wisdom behind Yu-Gi-Oh.

A Special Wine: Not For Drinking

Sooooooooo... I choose wines for any number of reasons. Sometimes I spend a lot on a wine if it looks really good. Sometimes I buy cheap wine because I like the lable. Sometimes I pick one out just because it has a cool name. Sometimes I buy a wine just because I've never heard of it.

Well, I bought this wine because I liked the name and the price was right. I enjoy Shiraz for its bold, berry flavors and not-SO strong tanins. For me, shirazes are great for sipping by the fire or while watching a movie, so when I bought Moon Dog Acre's shiraz I was excited.

Isn't that a cool lable? I was so excited about it that I drank a glass with dinner.

I'm not an expert at wine tasting or anything, but I like what I like. Even so, I try to avoid strong descriptors of wines because there's a good chance that I can't appreciate a wine on the first taste.

This wine is swill. It's demon piss. It is water from which giant sewer goldfish flee in terror. Alcoholics will drink Scope before they'll drink this stuff. My hand to god, it's bad, dude. Real bad.

I drank a whole glass with my dinner and I was really, really upset about the notion of having to drink it for another four nights with dinner. I seriously considered pouring it down the drain, but I hate the idea of a waste. I thought, "Well, maybe it just needs to air out a bit. It'll be better in a couple of days."

Not so.

I took my car to the shop a couple days after I finished off this bottle and I rode in the courtesy van with a nice old lady who talked about wines. I made it a point to counsel her away from buying this wine. It's toxic waste.

Oddly, other people weren't not as amused by the name as I was. They acted as if I should have known it was bad just from that.

Though I disagree with that methodology, the results do speak for themselves.

Moon Dog Acre shiraz of the 2003 vintage is to be avoided and that's all there is to it.

Overheard at Work

Sales rep: What's the last thing you got from the client?

Flibby: A copy of some software that was ridiculously out of spec.

Sales rep: You say "ridiculously out of spec" like it's a bad thing.

Flibby: What I MEANT to say is that the software they provided was charmingly unique and completely lacking in pretension as it flouted convention for the sheer joy of existence like a space shuttle made of rose petals, butterfly wings and bits of gossamer collected in the morning dew.

Who Listens to Critics Anyway?

I was looking at reviews for the Game Cube game called Mario Sunshine. Most of them were fairly high, but I started noticing a theme among the reviews that gave the game a low rating. Here's a not-so-random sampling:

gamecube for all u squares that like gamecube. its all mario games and baby games. the people who designed and made the gamecubes controller must have been doing some sort of drugs y they were making the controller because it is stupid.

STINKS ON ICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON't GET IT! NEVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER! EVER!

I played this game over at my friends house and I thought it was dumd. The graphics, gamplay, and plot all were horrible. This game might be ok for kids 4 and under, but anything over that, LAMO.

this games jus like Luigi Mansion,the dumbest game in gamecube,smash bros way better. Don't buy this game,u buy it u stupit

The last one is my favorite. "u stupit" Ha ha!

ALL DONE!

YEEEHHHHAAAWWWW!!!!

Last night marked my last class of my MBA!

WOOHOO!!!

More Peeves of Expression

I don't like it when people write "tow the line" instead of "toe the line."

The expression is intended to convey a sense that people are cooperating with policy, meaning they are standing perfectly and rigidly in place as dictated. It does not mean that people are dragging a string around.

I'm sitting here picturing men in uniform and other people are picturing shrimp trawlers. Stop it!

Angels Were Heard on High

My favorite part of this nativity scene is Kylie Minogue as an angel.

Don't you just wish one of the Olsen Twins was Baby Jesus? I mean like when they were on Full House, before they became the anorexic lesbian incest porn stars. Remember that?

I wonder how the church feels about Posh Spice as the Blessed Virgin (!) Mary. I can safely say that it kind of creeps me out how she's glaring out from under that blue viel. She probably knows what I'm thinking about Joseph. "Bend it, baby." Either that or , "Get a real hair cut." I forget.

Update: Jenlars posted on this, too!

Los Angeles Weather

This is a little bit old, but I'm just now getting around to posting about it.

My company's corporate offices are in the LA area and I've had the opportunity to visit several times. Each time the weather is ridiculously nice. I think there are so many communists in California because they really do think that everything is free and wonderful. The weather leads them to this delusion.

Here's an example: I was complaining to my coworkers about the heat in Georgia this summer.

Flibby: It's so hot here. It's like 96 degrees right now.

LA Coworker: Oh, you baby. It's 105 here right now.

Flibby: Did I mention the 16,000% humidity?

LA Coworker: Oh.

In the winter, we've scheduled video conferences with them and we turn on the TV and there they are sitting around in eskimo costumes.

LA Co-Workers: Like! OH! MY! GOD! IT'S LIKE 56 DEGREES HERE!!! WEiRE GOING TO BE SNOWED IN! WE'RE GOING TO DIE! SAVE US BEFORE WE TURN TO CANNIBALISM!

So, here in the East Coast, we tend to regard our Left Coast counterparts as somewhat detached from reality.

Last week, Human Resources sent out this word doc to the LA Offices. It's a real weather alert sent out by the LA County Department of Health Services.

The file was originally named "EXTREME COLD WEATHER.DOC."

LOS ANGELES – The National Weather Service predicts parts of Los Angeles County will experience unusually cold temperatures tonight and has issued a Hazardous Weather Outlook warning. A freeze warning may be issued tonight, which means affected areas can expect at least two hours of subfreezing temperatures below 28 degrees. The hazardous weather outlook was issued for much of Los Angeles County including downtown and coastal areas. Officials from the Los Angeles County Health Department are urging residents to take precautions to prevent serious health problems related to cold weather.

[Emphasis Mine]

It's so cute how they're like "TWO WHOLE HOURS OF FREEZING WEATHER!" I really believe that there were conversations all over LA that started with "WAAAA!!! But, Mommy, I really can't stand to not go surfing for a WHOLE DAY!"

But to make matters worse, they have to actually TELL people not to do stupid things in the cold.

Dress Warmly: Adults and children should wear a hat, a scarf or knit mask to cover face and mouth, sleeves that are snug at the wrist, mittens or gloves, water-resistant coat and boots, and several layers of loose-fitting clothing.

As opposed to the bikinis they usually wear everywhere in LA.

Stay Dry: Wet clothing chills the body rapidly. Excess perspiration will increase heat loss, so remove extra layers of clothing whenever you feel too warm.

This is where it gets complicated. "Dress warmly, but not TOO warmly."

Do not ignore shivering: It’s an important first sign that the body is losing heat. Persistent shivering is a signal to return indoors.

See? If you start shivering, don't think that's a sign that you're done tanning on that side and need to turn over. You need to go inside because YOU ARE COLD.

Understand Wind Chill: Wind Chill index is the temperature your body feels when the air temperature is combined with the wind speed. As the speed of the wind increases, it can carry heat away from your body much more quickly, causing skin temperature to drop. When there are high winds, serious weather-related health problems are more likely, even when temperatures are only cool.

Great. Now you have to be a scientist or something to live in California.

So, the moral of this story is this: 98% of the United States is hostile to human life and Canada must be completely uninhabitable.

GAH!

IT'S BLANK! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Update: Ok. It's not blank. I just didn't wait for the page to load. *Whew*

I am still infected with beal, though, so no good posting right now.

What's My New Career?

One of my problems is that I don't know what I want to do when I grow up -- apart from being filthy, stinking rich. So, I'm investing some time and effort into the University's Career Services opportunities.

Step one is to take one of those tests that tells you what you should look for in a job, a company, and an industry. It also recommends some jobs for you. Here's my list:

Advertising Account Management Very High Match
Information Systems Management Very High Match
Management Consulting Very High Match
Managers in Science/Engineering Very High Match
Public Relations and Communications Very High Match

Marketing and Marketing Management High Match
Research and Development Management High Match
Strategic Planning and Business Development High Match

Entrepreneurship Moderate Match
Financial Planning and Stock Brokerage Moderate Match
General Management Moderate Match
Investment Banking Moderate Match
Investment Management Moderate Match
Management of New Product Development Moderate Match
Production and Operations Management Moderate Match
Venture Capital Moderate Match

Accounting Low Match
Commercial Banking Low Match
Finance in Corporate Settings Low Match
Human Resources Management Low Match
Institutional Securities Sales Low Match
Non-Profits Low Match
Private Equity Investment Low Match
Retail Management Low Match
Sales and Sales Management Low Match
Securities Trading Low Match
Training and Organizational Development Low Match

Now, the high matches are interesting and none-too surprising, but I am amused by the low-end items.

Non-Profits. No sh!t, I would not want to work for academia, the people who give things away, or the government. Please.

Accounting: I am amused that I was even considered for this. Not only am I really bad at accounting, I really, really hate it, too.

Human Resources: I think I got ranked low on this one because I hate the human resources people in my company. They stacked the quiz against me.

Anyway, thought this was pretty cool because it's spot-on for much of the things I think about myself and about my career aspirations.

That Reminds Me...

Trey Givens' discussion of gerunds reminds me of a song I heard yesterday in which the performer uses "conversate."

For true, yo.

Overheard in the Office

Vapid Coworker: I like Italian Rennaissance artists a lot, but I really like Dali. And I like them for different reasons. Dali is just able to imagine such warped and twisted things!

Flibby: That's exactly why I don't like him.

Vapid Coworker: heh heh heh. I won't hold it against you.

Flibby: Walking away Ha! I will hold it against you.

Suffice it to say that I tend to judge people by the art they enjoy. The person who loves Dali is a bad person.

People on TV

Mama Laverne told me that there was a lady on a reality show called "The Real Gilligan's Island" who said that we can't let gay people get married because then nothing will stop someone from marrying a snake.

That being said, does anyone know how I can score a date with Serpentor?

I was going to ask out Cobra Commander, but when it comes to love I just can't bring myself to settle.

A Message to Those Not Accustomed to the Vernacular

"Y'all" is plural.

There. It had to be said.

Do not say y'all when you're talking to just one person. And yes, I'm talking to YOU. You know who you are.

Also, it's a contraction of you and all. So, the spelling is y'all not ya'll, which would be a contraction of ya and will or something.

Not Actually Overheard on the Phone

Flibby: Hi, Mom. What's your address?

Mama Flibby: You ask me this all the time.

Flibby: I know. I'm quizzing you.

Mama Flibby: Flibby, you used to live here.

Flibby: You're getting old and I'm testing your memory.

Mama Flibby: Coal for Christmas.

Atlas Shrugging

I've changed my mind again.

I'm having a conflict right now and I keep going back and forth on it. It's regarding this stupid business plan project.

My problem is that my group completely sucks. There are three people worth a damn and three who ain't and the three that ain't are being in the way.

So, I've decided and undecided several times to write the business plan on my own and just give it to the team.

If I write it, then I know that we will get a good grade. If I write it, though, the losers on my team will profit from my superior ability; I will have been a willing slave to their stupidity.

So, I decided yesterday that I would just do it and be done. And tonight, I've decided against it again. I am almost guaranteed a B in this class no matter what happens, so I just have to take care of my portion and let the others do whatever it is they intend to do.

It just that it almost hurts to watch people doing things so WRONG. My Type A, ESTJ, Directing/Influencing personality has problems with this situation on so many levels. (Sadly, I'm not the leader of this group.)

I just have to keep my hands still in the light of this farce for one more week. Not even that. This will be over soon.

I'm trying not to be like Dagny on a train car in my ball gown right now.

Deep breaths.

Inhale... Exhale... Inhale... Exhale...

I Live in Fear

So, I have just three class sessions left. The next two will involve my last two presentations. The day of December 13th will involve a lot of me convincing myself that I really should not skip my last class even though it will have no impact on my grade.

Wait. I think that debate has already begun.

Nevertheless, whilst I try to get all the loose ends tied up from this hellish semester I live in fear that one day this blog will be blank from me having not posted any new content for several days.

Sure, I could fix it, but why lose the adrenaline buzz of unfounded paranoia?

Wait. Damn it! Foiled again by my own precociousness!