Flibbertigibbet

Los Angeles Weather

This is a little bit old, but I'm just now getting around to posting about it.

My company's corporate offices are in the LA area and I've had the opportunity to visit several times. Each time the weather is ridiculously nice. I think there are so many communists in California because they really do think that everything is free and wonderful. The weather leads them to this delusion.

Here's an example: I was complaining to my coworkers about the heat in Georgia this summer.

Flibby: It's so hot here. It's like 96 degrees right now.

LA Coworker: Oh, you baby. It's 105 here right now.

Flibby: Did I mention the 16,000% humidity?

LA Coworker: Oh.

In the winter, we've scheduled video conferences with them and we turn on the TV and there they are sitting around in eskimo costumes.

LA Co-Workers: Like! OH! MY! GOD! IT'S LIKE 56 DEGREES HERE!!! WEiRE GOING TO BE SNOWED IN! WE'RE GOING TO DIE! SAVE US BEFORE WE TURN TO CANNIBALISM!

So, here in the East Coast, we tend to regard our Left Coast counterparts as somewhat detached from reality.

Last week, Human Resources sent out this word doc to the LA Offices. It's a real weather alert sent out by the LA County Department of Health Services.

The file was originally named "EXTREME COLD WEATHER.DOC."

LOS ANGELES – The National Weather Service predicts parts of Los Angeles County will experience unusually cold temperatures tonight and has issued a Hazardous Weather Outlook warning. A freeze warning may be issued tonight, which means affected areas can expect at least two hours of subfreezing temperatures below 28 degrees. The hazardous weather outlook was issued for much of Los Angeles County including downtown and coastal areas. Officials from the Los Angeles County Health Department are urging residents to take precautions to prevent serious health problems related to cold weather.

[Emphasis Mine]

It's so cute how they're like "TWO WHOLE HOURS OF FREEZING WEATHER!" I really believe that there were conversations all over LA that started with "WAAAA!!! But, Mommy, I really can't stand to not go surfing for a WHOLE DAY!"

But to make matters worse, they have to actually TELL people not to do stupid things in the cold.

Dress Warmly: Adults and children should wear a hat, a scarf or knit mask to cover face and mouth, sleeves that are snug at the wrist, mittens or gloves, water-resistant coat and boots, and several layers of loose-fitting clothing.

As opposed to the bikinis they usually wear everywhere in LA.

Stay Dry: Wet clothing chills the body rapidly. Excess perspiration will increase heat loss, so remove extra layers of clothing whenever you feel too warm.

This is where it gets complicated. "Dress warmly, but not TOO warmly."

Do not ignore shivering: It’s an important first sign that the body is losing heat. Persistent shivering is a signal to return indoors.

See? If you start shivering, don't think that's a sign that you're done tanning on that side and need to turn over. You need to go inside because YOU ARE COLD.

Understand Wind Chill: Wind Chill index is the temperature your body feels when the air temperature is combined with the wind speed. As the speed of the wind increases, it can carry heat away from your body much more quickly, causing skin temperature to drop. When there are high winds, serious weather-related health problems are more likely, even when temperatures are only cool.

Great. Now you have to be a scientist or something to live in California.

So, the moral of this story is this: 98% of the United States is hostile to human life and Canada must be completely uninhabitable.