Flibbertigibbet

Messy Brain

I am noticing more and more how cloudy my thinking and expression are on so many philosophical topics.

It's going to take a lot of work to unravel all of this and set it right.

Eviction

Ok. The roommates are crazy and they've got to go. Fortunately, we wrote a trial period clause into the lease so it can be terminated within the first 60 days for any reason whatsoever.

So, why should I evict them? Well, there are lots of reasons, but the thing that pushed me over the edge was the events over the last three days.

1) Male Roommate was high on something when I got home on Monday evening.
2) Male Roommate and Female Roommate took off Monday night at 8 and only just turned up today.
3) During their "outing" they:
- stole a truck.
- did drugs.
- got fired, quit, or kept his job.
- possibly got into a fist fight with the boss, hence the maybe got fired thing.
4) Male roommate was high on something when I got home this evening.

Now, if you want to get high, fine. That's your business. But when the being high threatens to compromise my sanity and well-being, I really just can't tolerate that.

And if that wasn't enough reason for you to think they should go, I've also documented the following "oddities":

- Male roommate offered to have my boss killed. I declined and tried to treat the offer as a joke, but I was assured that he could make it happen.

- Male roommate told me of his theory that it is painful for women to think. (This was during the same conversation as the giants.)

- Male roommate told me that even though he agreed that the lease was legally binding, he said he would do everything he could to keep me from collecting on the terms of the lease should it come to a point where he felt like he wanted out.

Now, you can be quirky all you want, but combine these relatively minor items with crazy drug binge and I, as a landlord, grow concerned.

I just have to figure out how to evict them so that they don't steal my stuff while I'm at work.

Joy of Living

Ok. I'm trying to type this calmly. But. It is THE most beautiful day outside right now.

It is so beautiful I want to scream and run around and roll in the grass.

The sun is shining. The temperature is in the mid-80's. There is a nice breeze going. The sky is bright blue. It's PERFECT!

It's so nice that when I was outside in it for lunch I felt Love. Capital L even.

This is a day in which it is just not possible to deny the sheer ecstacy of being alive.

Crazy

I was just reading about Fred Phelps because he's been protesting funerals again.

Isn't it just the weirdest thing you've ever heard?

A Bad Day for a Party

A bad day to have a party in Athens, Georgia is September 3, 2005. There are many reasons for this.

1) It is Labor Day weekend and many people go to the beach and other places.
2) It is the first football game of the season and it is an evening game.

So, if you are thinking of having a party, consider yourself warned. Do not make the mistake I have made!

Cute Boy Update

Ok. Cute Boy is so falling out of favor. I'm starting to scope this pre-law kid that sat next to me today.

Why is Cute Boy's stock falling? Because he 1) asked another stupid question today and 2) he got in my way again as I was trying to leave.

Ok. When teacher says, "These letters stand for the simple statements in the argument," to ask not 30 seconds later what the letter stand for is ridiculous. And when you ask if the letters are variables, when we know from our reading assignment that we should be careful not to refer to them as variables, it shows that you didn't do the reading.

And standing in my way is always bad. I know the room is small and I know I sometimes seem to appear out of nowhere, but when I was on crutches and you didn't know I was there, I can't possibly expect you to know I'm there when it's just me in my ninja shoes and I have to suspect that it's a full-blown thing where you don't pay attention.

Cute Boy, I'm giving you notice. You'd better straighten up or you're not invited to my study group.

An Open Letter to the Cutest Boy in My Class

Dear Cutest Boy in Class

You are so adorable with your pretty blue eyes and sandy hair. I could just pinch you! But we have a problem, pretty sir. You need to pay attention.

During the first class lecture our professor clearly stated that we were to turn in our papers at next class and bring a photo. He also instructed us to read the syllabus two or three times. Given that this is a symbolic logic class, you should readily recognize the conjunctive and disjunctive operators in the above instructions.

I read the syllabus twice and it clearly states on page two that we were to turn in our papers at some point during class and we were to also turn in a recent photo. The syllabus also gave some suggestions by which you might quickly and inexpensively get a photo made. We had no less than four days to get this done.

Personally, I just printed a photo out from my computer.

You, however, came into class without your paper and without a photo. When teacher asked you for your paper you said, "I emailed it to you. Is that ok?"

What did you expect prof to say? Seriously. It's a logic class. And then I found out that it's an HONORS symbolic logic class. You kids are supposed to be high achievers.

Frankly, I'm disappointed in you, cutiepie. I'm going to have to withhold the pinching and smooching until you straighten up.

You might think I'm being overly harsh, but it's for your own good. You'll thank me later.

Yours truly
Flibby

No Spitting

You know how Jesus is said to have spit in the mud and then heal people with it?

Well, I hired a real doctor and I am able to walk again! WOO! And no one spit on me who wasn't asked to do so.

Behold the miracles science hath wrought! Healing without spitting!

Male Roommate's Joke of the Day

Male Roommate likes to tell jokes. Every single day at dinner he lays at least two or three jokes on us. I figure it would be a waste not to share these with the world.

I should warn you, though, not all of these jokes he tells are funny.

The couples who had not been to church in a while came to the pastor and asked to be allowed back into the congregation. The pastor thought about it and said, "You guys have been backsliding for years. I really don't think I can just let you back in to the fold without some test of your commitment to faith. So, I would like you to abstain from sex for the next 30 days."

Thirty days pass and the couples return to meet with the pastor.

"So, how did you guys do?" the pastor asks the first couple.

"It was fine. We abstained for the whole 30 days."

"How did you do it?" he asked with some incredulity.

"Well, you see, we live in a small one room apartment," the husband said, "So, I invited the mother-in-law over to stay with us for the month. Since she was sleeping on the couch not six feet away, we had to behave."

"That's very clever! I will let you rejoin the congregation," said the pastor. "So, couple number 2, how did you guys do?"

"It was difficult but we abstained for the whole 30 days."

"So, how did you manage it?"

"Well," said the wife, "I travel for about two weeks out of every month for my job. This month, I just stayed on the road for the full 30 days."

"Oh! Well, I'm sure you missed each other dearly. Welcome back to the flock," smiled the kindly preacher-man. "Well, were you also able to abstain for the full month?"

"Well, pastor, I'll be honest, we only made it for about 25 days or so. The misses dropped a can of peas and when she bent to pick it up, I just couldn't contain my excitement."

"Oh. That is a shame. I'm sorry I can't invite you back into the church," frowned the pastor.

"That's ok. We're not allowed back at Kroger, either."

First Day of Class

Classes started today and I attended my symbolic logic lecture. It was AWESOME!

And there are at least three cute guys in there; the cutest one sat next to me today ... and then he stood in my way as I was trying to leave because he apparently is not sufficiently aware of his surroundings to know when to move his cute little butt so that the man on crutches isn't tempted to beat him within an inch of his life.

This so rocks!

I had to write my boss a thank you note for him letting me be flexible with my schedule and attend lecture.

Overheard at My House

Just when I thought everything was going so well with the roommates.

Flibby: Yeah, I've been to Peru. We went to Machu Picchu.

Male Roommate: WOW! That's cool. I've always wanted to do that. I heard they have giant rocks there that are so perfectly fitted together that you nothing grows between them.

Flibby: It's true. They're perfectly fit together. You can't even slide a piece of paper between them.

Male Roommate: How do you think they did that?

Flibby: Oh, I don't know.

Male Roommate: I do.

Flibby: Oh yeah? How?

Male Roommate: Giants.

Yes. He said "giants." He thinks those same giants built the pyramids, too. When I asked him how he figures that giants were there, he pulled out the Bible and started reading some scriptures to me.

There's more... stand by.

What's Going On In My Life?

I'm having a good day!

This weekend was very nice. The roommates are pretty cool people; they have their quirks, but I'm really impressed with some of the things they say and do. I'm not SO impressed by other things they say and do, but I think we can work around it.

Last night I had dinner with some very good friends and it was pleasant. We had a really cute waiter, which even though I didn't ask him out or anything is very fun. When I see beautiful people, I know that I definitely belong in this world.

And I drove around with my windows down and the music blasting.

This morning, I woke up not at all pissed off about having to come to work. I drove in, again with the windows down and the music loud, and I didn't get mad at people in traffic and now I'm at work and I've been really productive already this morning.

So, this week is kicking off to be something really good.

Roommates Accepted

I have just given word to a couple that I will rent one of my rooms to them. I explained that I would like a two month grace-period to see how everything goes, but other than that, they're going to move in on Friday.

I'm freaked.

But I also need a roommate for my other bed room.

Overheard in my Office

Manager: I just want to make sure we're all in aggreeance...

Click for (Curing) Cancer

Chris Muir has posted a banner on his site and has requested clicks to support this cancer ablation clinic.

So, what are you waiting for?

CLICK IT!

Like That One N*Sync Song, The Kitties are Gone

Some have requested an update on the kitty situation.

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that they are gone and I don't believe they will come back.

Thanks for everyone who has passed on ideas for luring them back.

The Silver Lining

Ok. Even though I'm still hopping around on one foot, there is some good news from yesterday: I can take proper showers again.

Apparently, stitches aren't supposed to get wet. That means that until this morning I hadn't had a shower since July 28th when I attempted to take a shower with my foot wrapped in plastic which only succeeded in filling up with water and soaking my foot thoroughly which later made the nurse freak out because I didn't call the doctor when it happened.

Instead, I've had to take baths every morning. Baths.

A bath is nice now and then. A bath is a real hassle when you take one every morning.

But now I can take showers and that's a really good thing!

In gross news, the lack of exposure has caused my bandaged foot to slough the outermost layers of skin. It's pretty neat, but it made my shower this morning really long as I spent a long time scrubbing my feet.

For your benefit, I wore a sock over my foot today.

I'm Not Wolverine

Got the stitches out today and I was even allowed to walk around the doctor's office a little. But the doctor looked at my x-rays and he wants me to stay on my crutches for another two weeks. And I might not be back in my sneakers for another four weeks.

*sigh*

So, I'm sofa-bound for another two weeks.

This sucks.

Meanwhile, he told me about another of his patients who was doing wind sprints in just 6 weeks time. What? Is that supposed to cheer me up?

My doctor might be a sicko.

Fun With Analogies: Sales is to Operations as the Antelope is to the Leopard

Our sales force drives me crazy sometimes. Strike that. They drive me crazy on a daily basis.

I try to help them. I try to teach them. I try to explain to them where the prices of our products comes from and why they can't just give things away and expect us to stay in business. But they do not listen.

I realize that part of my hatred for them comes from the fact that I am in an Operations department and the relationship between Sales and Operations is a long-standing love-hate thing like Whitney and Bobby.

But for real. They don't even understand some of the most basic economic concepts behind their job.

First, they don't understand the difference between the words "price" and "cost." This irritates me a LOT. PRICE is the ratio of VALUE and COST. Value is a qualitative term, which we quantify in terms of PROFIT. Cost is a quantitative term.

So, how much profit do you make per unit of cost (labor, materials, etc.) and you have the price.

Sure, there are lots and lots of instances where you can use the words price and cost interchangeably, but these people demonstrably do not know when they're in those situations and when they aren't.

Sales people are constantly telling me about how we're going to magically produce some product or another at "no cost." "Oh reeeeeaaallly?" I think. Because, seriously, they're talking about magic and I don't know magic.

And, then, they come to me and act like developers are the only resources contributing to costs. Hi! Remember me? My role as sales support is part of the allocated costs. But that's the problem: they don't understand allocated costs. They don't understand that every widget X has to pay a portion of the electric bill. They don't understand that each little sproket we make has to pay a part of my boss' salary.

Oh. And they don't understand transition costs, either! They seem to believe that if I'm making 1,000 widgets right now and they ask me to make one more that it costs the same to make 1 widget if I'm involved in making 1,000 sprockets right now. They don't understand that stopping everything and picking up to do something else costs time, energy, and MONEY.

I really do think that all sales people should take a series of classes in managerial accounting before they sit down with a discount calculator. Sadly, some sales people value being liked more than they value being employed and as a result they try to run the company into the ground.

This make-a me crazy

It's Just Nerves

So, I have been worried since my surgery about that fact that I cannot feel my big toe. At first, I wrote it off to the swelling from the surgery because it really just felt like the bandages were too tight. Well, it's been almost two weeks (yes, I'm impatient and think that I should heal like Wolverine.) and this weekend I was really worrying about my toe again.

My other toes had recovered, but my big toe is still distinctly numb. I could trace the affected area with my finger both on the top and bottom of my foot. Because of how the area does not any longer correspond to any restriction by the bandage, I concluded that something was up with the nerves in my foot.

I don't know much about nerves, so this kind of freaked me out and so I beeped my doctor at a football game. Amid the noise of the crowd and his horrible cellphone reception, he told me that during the surgery, they had to fold back the nerve fibers to work and that I was probably still numb due to some bruising, but I should recover fine.

Ok. I don't know what nerves look like in real life because I've only seen them in textbook illustrations, but I've always thought that they're very tiny and if you do see them, they must look like spiderwebs. It is incredible to me that my doctor not only knows what they look like, but he can just flip them back, do some work and then put them back where they came from.

Anyway, much relieved, I went back to my sofa and massaged my toe. Now, for the past two days, my toe has started waking back up. I'm able to control its movement a little better and I'm experiencing some sudden, sharp pains and jerks in my toe. (Doc said this is normal.)

It's kind of weird, but also kind of thrilling as my toe wakes back up. It feels neat as my awareness of the blood moving around in there increases. It feels hot and cold at the same time and at points it's like someone is pricking my toe lightly with a needle.

So, it's just nerves and it looks like things are getting back to normal. Hopefully, I'll be able to walk again in another week or two.

An Open Letter to the Guy Behind Me in the Grocery Store Line

Dear Sir,

I hope that this letter finds you drowning in your own vomit on the floor of a really cheap brothel. I say that because I'm in a particularly foul mood and you really got on my nerves yesterday.

I guess I owe you an explanation and a reminder of who I am. I'm the youngish, blond guy who was in the check out line in front of you yesterday. Not ringing any bells? Well, I was the one with crutches in the cart and a shirt drenched in sweat.

I was drenched in sweat because aside from using the cart as support while one hops around the store on one foot, there is no good way to shop at the Food Lion when you're on crutches.

You may also remember me as the guy who touched your food.

When I was unloading my cart and you put your stuff on the conveyor belt so that it mixed your stuff up with my stuff, it really bothered me, that's why I touched your food. No, it didn't help for you to slam down the little plastic separator. Fortunately, the nice cashier saw your lack of courtesy and turned the belt off.

Then, when I realized that you were about to attempt to have anal sex with me and I shot you a stern look that said, "Not without dinner and not in front of the World Weekly News" and you refused to move out of my personal space, I was thoroughly pissed.

That's right. I am hopping on one foot, sweating, and unloading my groceries and here you come to invade my personal space and put your things in my way. Perhaps you can't understand why. I certainly don't care if you understand. I just want you to die in a pool of your own vomit in a whorehouse. Is that too much to ask given your recent display of your lack of courtesy?

So, the best I can wish you is that the newspaper will find some creative way to write the headline of your obituary so as to hide your indiscretion. I'm thinking something like, "No Sheep Who Weren't Dressed Like They Wanted It Were Harmed in the Making of this Corpse." You know, something subtle and in good taste.

I hate you with the blazing white-hot passion of ten thousand suns right now.

Sincerely
Flibby

Roommate Interviews

Last weekend I interviewed a potential roommate. She was in her late 40's or early 50's and of indeterminate income. She also has three dogs. Nice enough though she was, I think I'm going to have to pass on the three dogs thing.

Today, I'm going to interview another potential roommate. She sounds nice, but I don't know much about her beyond the fact that she has a 17 month old baby girl.

I like kids, but she is right to think that a potential roommate would be wary of this. I mean, who can tell what a child is going to do next?

So, we'll see. I'm trying to keep an open mind, but I'm really wondering where all of the nice, quiet graduate students are.

Update: Oooookaaaayyy... She's 18 and she has a 17 month old child. She is not presently employed but is looking for a job.

Have I mentioned how risk averse I am? Where is Bill Gates? I'd let him be my roommate.

Mom Progress

I had a good conversation with my mom last night; she is finally coming around to accepting and supporting my decision to go back to school.

She said she saw something on TV about how people my age (30-ish) are making life-changing decisions at this stage in their life. I have observed this in my friends and relatives as well, and I think that when she observed it as a social trend it lent some validity to the decision, especially when she was able to compare my decision to that of some of my cousins who are the same age.

One cousin quit her job as a bank manager to go to nursing school.
One cousin is having her first child.
One cousin mouthed off at work and got fired.

And I'm pursuing a doctorate.

I'm sure she sees that things could be worse. I don't know why a social precedence eases her mind at all, but our conversation definitely seemed to indicate that the report she saw eased her mind.

We even discussed the fact that I have to get roommates or there will be big trouble.

So, this is good news. Now, only 157 days until I start back full time.

Doug & Squish: Missing

So, I was cleaning up my house for a roommate interview on Saturday and as I hobbled out to the patio, the kitties went, too. I tried to catch them, but they are scared of my crutches -- either that or they sadistically like to taunt crippled people. (That is a real possibility.)

I didn't think much of it because animals, being animals, usually just come back home.

Well, I haven't seen them since.

I'm a bit worried because there is a busy highway not too far from my house and I do live in the boonies where there are wild creatures.

*sigh*