Flibbertigibbet

I'm Not Fired... Yet

My boss just planned a meeting for next week with me, so I think it's safe for me to conclude that I will not be fired tomorrow.

And this is further good news because he wants to discuss the problem he and I have recently experienced in our working relationship.

Wooo!

Odd Fallout

So, have I mentioned my mother's reaction when I broke the news to her that I'm going back to school?

It was... exasperated.

?

I don't know if that's the right word.

She actually protested! There was a small tinge of begging in her voice, too.

I probably should have dropped more hints or warmed her up to the idea more slowly. I DID drop hints, though, and I DID mention that philosophy was something I was considering. Of course, I did also mention economics, but let's be real: am I EVER going to do that much math? Hell no.

But now my mom won't talk about this idea I have of pursuing a doctorate in philosophy or anything associated with it. When I tried to talk about how I would be getting roommates soon, she excused herself and hung up the phone.

She didn't hang up on me. She excused herself gracefully, but quickly.

That's unfortunate because come December she is in for a rude awakening because I probably cannot host Christmas here afterall. (Should have taken me up on the invite last year.) And come January, communication from me may break off entirely because I will be completely immersed in school.

If we can't talk about my life, I really don't feel like talking about her life. This relationship may becomes unbearably shallow.

I don't mean to be callous, but my mother seriously needs to get on board.

Ok. Deep breaths. I'm trying to be in touch with my emotions, so let's talk about how I feel for a second, ok?

This is very hurtful. How's that?

I am angry and sad that she won't hear me out on this. I know she wants me to live a happy, comfortable life, and she sees this pursuit as being inherently risky to both. Well, mostly the second part.

She sniffs at idealism when it comes to putting it to practice. She's taught me to be pragmatic that way. Fortunately, I combined the practical sense of my mother with the insane idealism of my father (it's time we all admit that I get my crazy zealot streak from him, the religious nut.) to create lofty, long-range plans.

I think this is how a person should do things, really.

But back to me being hurt. Angry AND sad. Not just one! Both! At the same time!

I've tried to express to her how interested I am in writing. I've tried to tell her how important philosophy is to me. And both she and my father taught me to be a cheerful, patient, enthusiastic teacher -- more or less.

So, why doesn't she seem to understand?

When I told her about my plan she exclaimed, "What are you doing? First art, then business, now philosophy? Economics I could understand, but what are you doing?"

I had expected a bit of trepidation. I expected some deep breaths. But ulitmately, I expected her to assure me that I could do this and that if I thought I would be happy that I should do it.

I wasn't prepared for the way she really reacted, though, and I don't even remember what response I gave her. I'm sure it was cryptic and not at all revealing, which doesn't help her peace of mind. Of course, at hearing her reaction, I felt accused and my heart sank.

All of my friends and people who know me well have shouted with joy when they heard my plan. They all said, "That sounds just like you. I think you will be very happy." They affirmed that they thought that I would be very successful as a philosophy professor and also very happy.

But not my mom.

I want her support in this and if she is to remain an important person in my life, I will need her support.

I will give her some time to come around, but the longer this goes unaddressed, the less sad I get and the more angry I get.

Good News / Bad News

I went and met with the undergraduate advisor for Art History this afternoon to see what kind of time/energy investment I am looking at to tack on that degree to this adventure.

After MUCH hemming and hawing over the complete disarray that is my academic transcript from my first undergraduate degree (If you're wondering: I graduated with a SINGLE degree with 157 credit hours. Most majors here only require 120 or, at most, 127.) we came up with our best and worst case scenarios, depending on what requirements my past coursework will meet.

Best case:
I will have to take 7 upper level courses and none of them have to focus on any art created earlier than 1890.

Worst case:
I will have to take 10 upper level courses and none of them have to focus on any art created earlier than 1890.

She also informed me that if my core classes also satisfy my philosophy requirements, the most that can be expected of me over in the philosophy department is 10 upper level philosophy courses.

SO! Worst case scenario with my double major, I will have to take 20 courses. At 5 courses a semester, that will take me about a year and a half. If I move more slowly for the sake of actual learning, which might be wise considering the path I'm choosing, I'm looking at two years.

You might think I'm crazy for being relieved about this, but I was actually fearing that adding this other major would make my stay in undergraduate studies last into a third year.

The next thing I have to do: See if I can get back into the Honors program. Being in the Honors program at UGA might be good for lots of things, but the thing I most appreciate is being able to register ahead of everyone else, so I get first pick of classes.

I Have A Timeline

I just checked: classes start January 10th. That means my last day at work will be January 6th, which means I'll put in my notice December 22nd.

Merry Christmas, SuperStupidMegaCorp!

132 work days until it's over. 1,056 work hours.

Barring any time off I take, of course.

YEHAW!

Six Months

I don't start to school for six months.

SIIIIIXXXXXX MOOOOOONNNNNTTTHHSSSS.

I will have to keep my job for six more months, but I seriously don't know how I'm going to make it. Six months is both a long time and a short time. My job really, really sucks and I hate it almost more than I can express.

Fortunately, I know lots of words.

But I'm ready to get rolling on this school thing. I'm ready to sit in class with a bunch of pretty people under the age of twenty. It'll be like living on the WB. I'll get a part time job and sleep in almost every day! I'll have no money, but I'll have time to read and do stupid things like eat raccoons.

It's going to be so much fun.

And Jennifer and I are going to join the same sorority and date football players. God, I love football players.

Gibberish Spam

I just got hit with a bunch of comment spam that looked like gibberish.

What's up with that?

Welcome, Undergraduate!

Well, I just got back from the office of undergraduate admissions where I spoke with the nice ladies there and officially submitted my application to become an undergraduate student at the University of Georgia.

Wooo!

So, I'm going back to school to get a degree in Philosophy... and possibly a degree in Art History.

"Ok. I thought you were getting one useless degree before, but now you're going to spend money on TWO useless degrees?" you cry out in a voice that sounds remarkably like that of my mother.

Yes, it's true.

Why? Why? Why?

I suppose anything could happen, but it has been a dream of mine for some time to teach philosophy to artists. (If you've seen any modern art outside the walls of the Cordair Gallery you know why.) I've even thought about what it might take to start up an art school or found a college of art somewhere.

None of that may ever happen, but do you know what pieces of paper will assist me in getting to that point? An MBA, a MA (Art History), and a PhD in Philosophy.

The Masters in Art History will be the hard one to work into my plan. Ideally, I guess I would not take a break in my philosophy studies, but a break might be nice.

This peculiar combination of degrees and qualifications will also suit me to a number of other things that I really enjoy beyond a life strictly dedicated to academia.

Are there cheaper ways to go about this? I'm sure.

Could I pursue these studies on my own? Probably, but it's unlikely that I would -- I just know how I am. Also, people are weirdly impressed by papers with fancy letters on them. Further, this will give me insight and experience with those things from a certain perspective.

Isn't there a good chance that I will never realize any of my fantasies about schools and museums? Certainly. But getting there is as exciting to me as the end itself, which is something I've never been able to say about my career before.

Could it be that I am insane? I'm sure I'd be the last to know. Catch-22, right?

So, anyway, the future is bright. I see many possibilities. I'm excited about it all!

Lovely Wife is going to rent one of the bedrooms in my house. Any takers on the other one? My house is seriously way cool, y'all.

Annoying Behavior of the Proles - Item #235542-K

I ALSO hate the guy who stops by the office to chat, but he doesn't actually say anything of interest and fails to observe that I haven't looked up from my monitor, stopped typing, or responded with anything more than, "Cool."

Dude. LEAVE! I'm doing something with every appearance of being important! MOVE!

Annoying Behavior of the Proles - Item #12492D

I don't like when people talk to others with headphones on and I don't like it when they walk around the office with them on either.

If you're going to talk to someone, take your headphones off/earbuds out.

I don't seem to mind the one-ear cellie so much, but the both-ears-plugged-while-I'm-talking-to-you situation really makes me want to start issuing neck punches with wreckless abandon.

The Frightening Act of Living for Happiness

Ok. Things are just about resolved. "What things?" you ask. Well, I'll tell you.

As you well know, there is some ongoing debate about what I will be when I grow up. I've considered switching companies and continuing my career in business, probably on the marketing/sales or technology side of things. I've considered trying to start my own business. I've also considered going back to school for a doctorate in economics or philosophy.

I've basically tried to set as few limits as possible on what I should consider as options for my future.

I have pretty much reached a conclusion: I'm going to pursue a doctorate in philosophy.

"I can't think of a doctoral degree more useless than that of philosophy unless you consider one in comparative literature," you say quite candidly, "What in the name of all that is beautiful in the world would possess you to give up a promising (and profitable) career in business to pursue philosophy? Academia makes me sick!"

Well, you make some valid points. But I have a saying: Life is too long to be miserable.

I'm frankly not very satisfied in business, but the persistent passion in my life is thinking, reading, and writing about ideas. I also really enjoy teaching. The life of a professor is fairly relaxed, and success is entirely dependent on my own productive capacity. Of course, I was recently told that it would take me "10 years of hell to get to that point."

I met with my old philosophy prof yesterday for lunch and we discussed what would be necessary in order to pursue this goal. The discussion was sobering, but also encouraging. He's the one who told me about the 10 years of hell.

The bad news: I will have to get a BA in philosophy before I can pursue an MA and PhD. I'm two years of philosophy course work and an unknown amount of language work away from being able to start on the five year graduate studies work I'll need.

The good news: I can start on the undergrad work almost immediately via independent study and I will be a Junior in the program by the time I have to go back to school full time in January.

The bad news: This will most certainly place me under some financial strain and I have very little time in which to prepare for that strain.

The good news: I don't have very much debt right now to worry about.

This is still all very iffy in my mind. I'm reluctant to say that this is real because it's not completely real to me yet -- I don't want to admit it yet -- and I have plenty of opportunities to back out.

The independent study courses will give me some small idea about pursuing the rest of my course work. And completing my BA in philosophy will give me a good idea if I want to continue. I have an MBA already, so it's not like I won't be able to find a job if I decide to back off of this plan.

So!

Does anyone want to come live in my house with me? The rent is pretty reasonable and it's a very nice house.

Just About the Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen

The Manolo would say, "Ayyyyyyyyyy!!!"

It is the dark power of TomKat!

Why I Hate my Job

One of the main reasons that I hate my job is because everything is so wildly inconsistent. When I point out inconsistencies to some of my coworkers or even my boss, they fail to see the point. They rationalize around it and say that my way of dealing with the situation is incorrect.

Meanwhile, their responses cost the company money and result in compromised service for the clients. Why? Because they do not want to confront the unhappy reality of their own actions.

Here's an example:

Client X has been with my company for years. I've never spoken with them once. Suddenly, I was asked to help the sales team on a deal with this client. I delivered ahead of schedule the usual battery of information and recommendations.

The client came back and wanted some clarification and before I could give them that, someone else stepped in and took over. I was copied on all of the email exchanges, but I was no longer the point person on the deal. That's fine by me. I have plenty of other clients to support.

So, lots of phone and email conversations are going on. Suddenly, the client emails me and only me asking for information on the last email, which was directed to the person who took over.

I wrote:

It looks like there are still outstanding issues. The last update we had was the note that JOHN DOE sent out back to JANE VENDOR.

SUZY ACCOUNTMANAGER is really your contact for these things. I don't want to confuse things further by adding another chain of communication to the line, so I recommend that you continue to look to SUZY for information and follow up.

And then the shit hit the fan.

Apparently, the client was extremely displeased by this response. They went to my boss and my boss' boss complaining about it.

When I spoke with JOHN DOE, he said that I should consider the context and look at my response that way, although he agreed that my response was very professional.

Let me recap: my response is professional both in content and tone, but some how it is still unsatisfactory. You might think I'm blowing things out of proportion, but I really might be fired for this.

All because I didn't want to further dilute the chain of communication and chose to steer the client back into the channels they had been using up to this point.

JOHN DOE said that this client has caused problems like this in the past. Bear in mind that I don't know this client and I've never worked with them before, so I had no idea. JOHN DOE said that I should have realized from the numerous emails that were exchanged. Bear in mind that I was not the author of those emails and they did not contain any heated language and did not communicate any sense of urgency beyond what was already present in the project.

So, I had no way to know... but I might be fired for it.

And my boss doesn't know why I don't trust him.

To close, JOHN DOE recommended that I consider my email from the perspective of how I would like people to communicate with me. I think he meant to imply that promptly, professionally, and efficiently are the wrong answers. The problem is that I don't know any other way to get the job done.

I need to be adopted by Martha Stewart. Martha, if you're reading, I'll even call you mommy if you'd like. Just give me an $85K per annum allowance.

Hooker, Please

Someone on Yahoo! instant messenger sent me this message today:

HEY ITS DIANNA, FROM THE DIRECTOR OF YAHOO, EVERYBODY SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION, BUT YAHOO IS CLOSING THE SYSTEM DOWN BECAUSE TOO MANY BOOTERS ARE TAKING UP ALL THE NAMES, WE ONLY HAVE 57 NAMES LEFT, IF U WOULD LIKE TO CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT, DONT SEND THIS MESSAGE, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR ACCCOUNT, SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR LIST. THIS IS NO JOKE, YOU'LL BE SORRY IF YOU DONT SEND IT. THANKS DIRECTOR OF YAHOO, TIM BUISKI, WHOEVER DOESNT SEND THIS MESSAGE YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DEACTIVATED AND IT WILL COST $10.00 A MONTH TO USE IT. TO SEND TO EVERYONE ONE YOUR LIST RIGHT CLICK ON YOUR GROUP THEN CLICK SEND - - - ?????

Please, people! Just think for one second!

Shrug Atlas

I was recently engaged in a rather heady and emotional conversation with a trusted and wise friend of mine about what I percieve to be a lack of purpose in my life.

I've typically stated this as not knowing what I want to be when I grow up.

Well, my friend asked me rather pointedly, "What would you do if you were fearless?" Meaning, if you weren't concerned about how you would make your mortgage payment and pay the bills and all of that stuff, what would you pursue as your profession?

I immediately responded, "I would get my doctorate in philosophy, study art, and teach." It was an easy question for me because it's what I've dreamed of doing in my retirement after I had established my wealth in my career. It seems to ideal to me because the whole of my occupation would be dedicated to reading and writing and talking about ideas. Even if no one reads or listens back, this is incredibly appealing to me almost as an exercise in itself.

And he said, "Holy crap!" because he didn't know.

The oppressive lack of satisfaction in my present career brings this all to a head.

But the proposition of going back to school for another five years and accumulating more debt and living the student-level of poverty is daunting. And don't even get me started on how bleak the employment prospects for doctors of philosophy are.

Even so, now I said it out loud and I don't see a way to avoid it. My brain is preoccupied these days with how to make this happen.

He who has "why" to live for can bear almost any "how." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Best Lunchtime!

Today for lunch, I bought a sandwhich and wandered over to the shady campus of the university to eat and read. I read my book for about 30 minutes before I realized I was getting sleepy, so I took a 20 minute nap on the bench there in the shade.

And some retarded people were throwing a party across the street. I didn't know they were retarded; I could just hear the music from the band the hired. The music was actually fine, so it lent a nice bluesy atmosphere to the young summer afternoon in which I napped.

Then I went and got a smoothie and walked back to the office.

It was an absolute delight.

The Interview

Well, the interview was this morning. It was... strange.

First of all, I think that the guy interviewing me is someone I interviewed about two years ago. (I hope I was nice to him.)

And he was totally unprepared for the interview. He actually asked me several times what questions he should be asking me.

The pinnacle of the interview was when he asked me what I would not ordinarily say in an interview. I said, "That I'm absolutely perfect for this job. According to the job description and everything you've told me about the company, this is a perfect fit for both of us. I wouldn't ordinarily say that because it's up to you, but I'm very excited about what I've heard so far."

The interview went really well up to a point.

The point at which it went south was when he asked how much I want to make.

This is a tiny, tiny company and I believe I am too expensive. He didn't say for sure, but I got that impression rather distinctly. We'll see.

Oh, and I know you're not supposed to actually answer that question when posed, but I don't like playing games. I like it when people answer my questions directly, so I tend to answer other people directly. ("My biggest weakness is an inability to be indirect when necessary.")

So, anyway, good interview. But I'm still looking around.

Update: I just got the rejection note from the company. It was indeed my salary requirement that posed a problem. I've sent a note urging him to consider negotiating with benefits, incentives, bonuses and what not, but I'm not hopeful.

The hunts continues!

More Death

My Scout Master from boyscouts died the day before yesterday of lung cancer. He was a healthy bloke, too, who didn't smoke and never drank.

And then my ex-boyfriend's best friend's mom died the day before that.

It seems like lights are winking out all over the place these days. I'm getting to be that age, I suppose.

Good News About My Job

No, Director Dan has not started bleeding from his eyes. No, the incompetent sales people I work with have not started bleeding from the eyes, either. You're so mean!

I have a job interview for Friday!

But don't tell anyone. I don't wanna jinx it.

ARRRRGGG!

I woke up this morning to the kittens having urinated and defecated on my bed. WHILE I'M IN IT!

If they were people a good ass-whupping would satisfy me that the issue has been addressed. They're just dumb little cats, though, so I actually have to put some energy into trying to figure out what conditions led to this behavior and make sure that those conditions do not arise.

Damned dry-clean only duvet covers.

Another Thing I Learned

That when you get your cat declawed, they actually cut off the ends of their toes, bone and all.

I'm not opposed to the practice, but I didn't know that's exactly what it is.

Amazing.

And before the folks who are against the practice attack my site, I will assure you that for the moment I am going to attempt some alternatives. I'm starting with those little kittie press-on nails.

Things That Kittens Do

• Attack my socks.
• Attack my pants.
• Attack each other.
• Attack my shoes.
• Sleep.
• Climb up the bedspread.
• Push things off the desk and night stands.
• Attack my feet.
• Attack my books.
• Attack batteries... and push them off of the desk.
• Attack my typing fingers...edgggggggggg and walk on the keyboard. (Holy crap! Squish almost typed the word 'edge!')
• Attack papers.
• Use the litterbox like good kitties.
• Attack the trashcan and tip it over.
• Ignore the toys I bought them.
• Attack the cords to my stereo.
• Follow me around the house.
• Mewl at me when they get lost in the house.
• Attack my rugs.
• Attack my chairs.
• Hide under things.
• Look adorable all the time.

Update: Doug did the cutest thing in the whole world at 4:30 this morning: he brought me two pieces of paper that he caught! He is such a proud little hunter.

Kittie Porn ~Or~ Cat Blogging ~Or~ Meet Squish and Doug

I am not ashamed to admit that I have to add a new category to my blog today: Cat Blogging.

The kitties arrived yesterday and they are so cute that I almost need to gouge my eyes out with a hot poker.

I decided to get two instead of one because I think two is better than one. This way, they can play with one another while I'm out. They're a boy and a girl. The girl is named Squish. She's the black one and the boy is named Doug. He's the gray one.

Squish is actually the more adventurous of the two, but here's a picture of Doug fighting to be the first on the scene of a disaster.

I had to put them in the tub because they were so excited when I got home that they ran all over the house and wouldn't sit still together long enough for me to take any good pictures. Putting them in the tub really didn't help, but it was worth a shot.

Squish totally thinks she's a tigress. She attacked my shoes today. Here she is prowling in my foyer.

Here's Doug caught in the act of something. He really only has two expressions. They are, "HOLY CRAP!" and "What?" Everything else is a gradation between the two. If HOLY CRAP! is a 10 and What? is a 1, what you see here is about a 4.

This is a 1. He spent all day yesterday (his first day at my house) at 10.

Here's Squish voguing. She's thinking right now, "It's a good thing that I am immeasurably fabulous at all times because you didn't tell me you had a camera. Otherwise, I would have torn your throat out by now. Kisses! Love ya! Mean it!"

So, just resign yourself to the fact that I have kitties now and I will undoubtedly blog about them from time to time.

The Funeral is Tomorrow

Well, it has been great seeing my extended family on the maternal side. It's kind of sad that it takes such a sad event to get everyone together.

And then there's always the drama. People fighting about things that happened years ago and the fighting about things that are happening right now -- like the plundering.

People are so silly about inheritance. If I was Paris Hilton, I could understand fussing over some inheritance. I promise, we are not the Hiltons. So, people are fighting about who gets gramma's cameo and pearls. Or who gets the old set of Weebles (The kind that wobble but don't fall down). Or who made the decision to sell the house. Yadda yadda yadda...

This sort of thing is entirely too sad and entirely too stressful to be this emotional about these things. There's a paradox for you.

This happened when my dad's parents died, too.

I was telling my cousin that I wish everyone would just be upfront and clear about everything. But whatever. As one of the grandkids, it's not really my business.

But you know me. I'm a flibbertigibbet.

Tragedy

My grandmother died yesterday. I'm driving up to Ohio first thing in the morning with my dad.

I'll catch y'all later.