September 11, 2007

And Did You Know...

Britney went out without her panties on AGAIN! Right after the VMAs.

Access Hollywood: Britney's Post-VMA Party: No Panties Required!

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (September 10, 2007) – Hours after Sarah Silverman made a joke about Britney Spears’ waxed genitalia on stage at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards, the singer was caught with out her panties, hitting the strip.

Silverman made a joke about the birth of Spears’ children during her opening VMA monologue saying, “...they are so cute. They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.”

The comedienne’s joke appeared to reference an incident last fall, when following her split with Kevin Federline, Britney ventured out in Los Angeles where photographers caught her without underwear.

The photos, which surfaced today on gossip blogs including Dlisted, were taken last night in Vegas as Spears partied with her brother following her opening set at the VMAs.


That girl. I don't know what it's going to take for me to be just through with her. She's such a mess, but I still want to give her a hug, give her some panties, brush her hair, wipe the cheetohs off her face, sit her down and explain that she needs to act like a big girl now.

And then, I want to show her pictures of Reese Witherspoon and say, "Sweetheart, when you aren't on stage, you need to look and act like her."

THEN, I would demand that she hand over her pocketbook so that I can hire her a publicist, a nanny, and a full-time stylist and I'd explain, "Britney, you are a pop diva. You are not a domestic diva, so leave the child rearing to the professionals. You are also not a fashion oracle, so leave dressing yourself to the professionals. And I hate to say it, but when it comes to public speaking I actually trust George Bush (!!!) to speak extemporaneously more than I trust you. To address this, your publicist and I will handle the press and we will coach you on how to answer the questions. You may not speak to anyone in the press without speaking to us first."

Then, I would lead her over to the big, blue, bouncey ball of doom and say, "Hon, you are not fat, but you are not in the shape you were in when you made us all love you. Sit." And then I would show her all of her old music videos, paying close attention to the midriff baring outfit she was wearing in "Oops! I Did it Again." And then I would say, "Brit-brit, do you know the difference between you there and you here? 1,000 crunches a day and a rigorous dance schedule. We'll start slow. Give me three sets of 25 crunches on the ball. Make it quick, because I've booked you some time in the dance studio with your backup dancers and choreographer."

On the way to the dance studio, I would turn to her and put my hand on her knee and look deep into her brown (or are they blue today?) eyes and say, "I need you to understand something: there is an army of people working behind the scenes. We are Team Britney. Do not EVER insult, demean, or rage at Team Britney, least of all the person who is doing your hair. I don't know what you said to him last time, but after your workout this evening, we're going to dinner with him. Just you, me, him, and the publicist I hired. We're going to a nice restaurant and we have a cute, classy new dress for you and some nice panties. The press will love it and you'll love it even though cheetohs and red bull is nowhere on the menu. But, do you understand? Don't be mean to the help. We're the help because we're here to help. If you have a problem, tell me or tell your publicist. We will fix it."

But that will never happen. I heard a rumor a while back that she was going to have some kind of reality show where she was going to hire an assistant to help her get her career back on track, but obviously that never materialized.

I think Britney is over. She's white trash and she's somehow got it into her mind that she doesn't have to listen to anyone. So, now, everyone can see the mess that should be a completely private matter.

Maybe I can adopt Kylie Minogue instead. Her worst problems involve dressing like a European. A German one.

Posted by Flibbertigibbet at September 11, 2007 11:16 PM | TrackBack
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