Flibbertigibbet

Why Did I Bother with Curtains?

If I am at home alone there is a 95% chance that I am either naked or in my underwear. I think clothes are great and I like wearing them, but when I come home from work, the first thing I usually do is take off my clothes. This is especially true in the summer when clothes means being sweaty.

Another truth about me is that I like to be able to see out the window. This means that I do not pull my curtains.

Do the math.

If you go to one of the apartments across the street from my house at the right time of day or night, you might see me in my "leisure."

This evening I got home kind of late and took off my clothes.

Did I mention my horrible sunburn? I'm horribly sunburnt from a trip to the beach this weekend.

Well, I was standing there in my underwear watching the Family Guy and putting aloe on my chest.

Then I strolled to the firdge to get something to drink.

As I walked back, I saw three women pressed to the window of their apartment directly across the street.

I waved to them and they waved back.

Then I turned out the light and hopped into bed.

So, it's official: I'm a pervert.

Rage

I am in an absolutely FOUL mood this morning. I don't even want to attempt to list all the things that have irritated me this morning, so I am going to focus on one that I've been griping about for a few days now.

I hate when these dog owners take their dog out on the sidewalk and then, while the dog is squatting on the curb, walk toward the shop windows allowing the leash to span the width of the sidewalk so that no one can get by without walking in the gutter.

It's bad enough that I have to walk over dog urine and feces. (Although, the feces problem is impressively low since there are scooper laws and most seem to observe them.)

But when I'm trying to walk down the sidewalk but can't pass because there is a leash in the way, it really bothers me. It already bothers me when people don't pay attention to what they're doing, but then they enlist an innocent little dog as an accomplice in their bumbling.

*sigh*

I need to be careful about my blood pressure this morning.

I Am Not Dead

I'm just being very, very quiet.

Things are busy at work and outside of work. I'm pissed off about terrorists and those who support them.

And I haven't been grocery shopping in, like, three weeks.

Tempting Fate

People who don't know me well are sometimes surprised to learn that I am a vicious, cruel, hateful person. My boss to this day describes me as "pleasant," and "friendly." While it is true that I am generally a polite and friendly person, I also possess the ability to hate people on sight.

Just ask Philip Seymore Hoffman. I hate that @$#(@#$. I have always hated him since the first moment I saw him. I hate the way he looks. I hate the way he talks. I can't stand him!

And I feel no shame at my hate either. So, don't bother telling me how talented PSH is. I hate him.

In a professional environment, my talent for malice can create some difficult situations because now and again I encounter people I loathe. Maybe it's the way they talk. Maybe it's the way they look. I don't know, but I hate them.

On the upside, if I hate someone at work, it's probably because they're actually asshats who don't do their jobs properly.

Case in point: when I started here I was assigned to work with someone who had been on the team for a long time. I took one look at him and I hated him. After a mere two days in the office and never having done an ounce of work, I determined that this schmuck was a... schmuck. In spite of everyone saying how great he was, I knew they were lying.

A few weeks after I started, he quit and the truth came out. He was a schmuck who wasn't doing his job properly.

Fortunately, he's gone.

Well, a couple weeks after I started, this other guy started who sat near me. Hated him. He was pretentious, noisy, and just dumb.

All of a sudden, about two weeks ago, he quit. Apparently, he had been cheating on his wife and she left him and he quit to go after her or something. I don't know. It's the kind of Jerry Springer-esque drama asshats get involved in.

I'm still in awe of it. The two people in the office I hate most quit within a few months!

Well, I've found a new person to hate.

He's been here for a while. He's not hate-able on sight, though. He's someone you have to talk to for five seconds before you hate him. But five seconds is all it takes.

He's a know-it-all. He interrupts people when they're talking. He doesn't listen to you when you present him with information. He's just a tool.

So, I'm hoping he'll leave soon, too!

It would be amazing. There were people at my last company that I hated from the very start who are still there. This place seems to be subject to my psychic vibrations, though. So, I'm hoping he'll quit, too.

After he leaves, I'm not sure who I'll hate. There are obnoxious people here, but none I HATE, so it will be really weird not to have someone to plan an assassination for.

I'll keep you posted.

Celebrity Sighting!

I passed Austin Scarlett on my way to work this morning!

You may wonder how I knew it was him, but I since I work in the Garment District, I think it's obvious.

Also, I won't say how, but I have spoken to Teller of Penn & Teller on the phone. Well, I didn't speak to him nor he to me, but I heard him talking on the phone and I was on the other end of the phone. He's the one who doesn't talk in their act, but he does actually talk. Apparently, he used to teach Latin. How about that?

I Know They Care, But I Wish They Would Do So Quietly

One of my coworkers stopped by this morning to tell me I have a sinus infection. How he knows this is a mystery.

Another of my coworkers says that my cough has gone on for far too long and that I should ask the doctor if I have the Bubonic Plague. I've had a cough for 6 days now and it's going away. I really don't think it's time to dig out the hazmat suits just yet.

I realize that they just want me to stop sniffling and coughing, but enough is enough. I want them to go sit down and do their work.

I don't have a sinus infection. I don't have the Bubonic Plague. I don't have Bird Flu, SARS, West Nile Virus, Cancer, Tuberculosis, Viral Meningitus, or anything else.

Antibiotics will not help. Emergen-C will not help. Acupuncture will not help. Homeopathy will piss me off. And cleansing my aura by burning sage will just make everything stink.

It's just a cold and it's going away. In a few more days I will be completely fine again.

I appreciate all the concern but Team Flibby is moving on now. The next post (If I post about this again) will just be to say "See? I told you I would get better soon."

I Might get Antibiotic-Resistant Flesh Eating Bacteria

Several people in my office have asked me if I was planning on going to the doctor to get anti-biotics for my cold.

When I point out that colds are viral, thus antibiotics are ineffective in treating them, they seem surprised. I wonder what they would say if I pointed out that continually misappropriating antibiotics will not only damage my immune system but foster the development of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

I'm not THAT worried about antibiotic resistant bacteria, but I don't use anti-biotic soaps, lotions, or whatever if I can avoid it and I do not have reason to do so. I figure that as long as it requires no additional effort on my part, why can't I do a little to keep the bad things from happening more quickly. This is also my philosophy on recycling, actually.

But in places like hospitals, where cooties are all over the place, abuse of antibiotics has shown to be a very bad thing. I'm starting to think the people in my office may be setting itself up for similar disasters minus the available experts to deal with the situation.

It'll be like Andromeda Strain without the fortuitous ending.

So, I just want to go ahead and say that I've really enjoyed this blog. You know, just in case my face comes off or something because my coworkers have bad doctors.

Worse Today

This is the worst cold I can ever remember having in my whole life.

The constant coughing and sniffing. I have to blow my nose every five minutes. Why my body thinks I can make use of this much moucus is beyond me.

I still don't feel as bad as I did two or three days ago, but I am feeling worse than I did yesterday. As a result, I'm spending most of my day in bed reading and drinking lots of water and resting.

Sooner or later I will have to figure out what to do about food, though. Even if I'm not hungry, my body will need the fuel to continue to fight off these germs.

I hope I'm not in this state for many days longer. My patience is wearing very thin.

Halleluja

It's really a little too early to be celebrating, but this morning I woke up without a headache and not very much congestion.

I still didn't sleep well last night. I kept waking up to cough, but after about 2 I settled down and slept until about 7:30 this morning. When I got up I felt rested and clear-headed. I'm still a little congested and have a small, niggling cough, but I feel a LOT better than I did yesterday morning.

I hope that this is a sign that I've "rounded the corner" and am on the road to recovery.

This is very good news because my friend, Buddhista, is in the city today and we will spend the day shopping and carrying on like a couple of ol' biddies.

I'm so happy and excited!

Typhoid Flibby Strikes!

Reports are coming in from around the office of other people coming down with "the plague" and I am being fingered as patient 0.

I am not willing to take off of work for a cold, though, and my boss' boss doesn't like when people work from home a lot.

Marry Me

I am in love with the people who invented Robitussin right now. That stuff is pure genius in a bottle.

I haven't done much coughing today at all and my congestion is significantly reduced as well.

Hard Core

People at my work are no strangers to alcohol. Every Friday we have "wine o'clock" and people are always planning some means of getting the company to foot the bill for adult beverages. It's kind of nuts.

Well, yesterday evening we had our Summer party. Basically, we just went to the Beer Garden in Astoria where each person was allotted a whole pitcher of beer.

I don't like beer, so I opted to have a couple of whisky & coke drinks. (Yeah, alcohol and being sick. Not helpful.) Anyway, I had to leave early because I went on a date to see my personal trainer in a play.

This morning, lots of people are hung over and just plain not here.

Everyone is talking about the things that happened last night. Apparently, after a 3 hour drinking game some people even went out to bars afterward. Insane!

I've never been much of an alcohol drinker, so it is completely alien to think of people drinking that amount of alcohol and staying up so late on a school night.

It's crazy to me.

Not Dead

My congestion seems to be getting a little better, although I've woken up to a crippling headache the past two days. This morning, with the Claritin-D now out of my system, I went and bought some Robitussin.

Robitussin is now my new most favorite thing ever.

I took it about 30 minutes ago and my cough is almost completely gone. I think if I went and blew my nose like a responsible adult, my congestion would be lots better, too.

Robitussin rocks.

I also took some tylenol for my headache and the day is getting to be tolerable.

Meanwhile, one of my coworkers keeps insisting that I go to the doctor. I am 100% certain that this is just a cold. What is the doctor going to do for a cold? If they prescribe antibiotics, they'll lose me as a patient. If they tell me to take some Robitussin and get lots of rest and fluids, then I will have wasted my time.

Seriously, folks, the doctor is great and all, but you don't just throw a doctor at every sniffle. Sometimes you just have to buckle down and infect everyone in the office with what you have because misery loves company.

In Which We Learn an Important Lesson about Self-Medicating

I am not a fan of medicine. I generally think that if I have the sniffles, it's better for me in the long run to just let my body fight it off. It's that whole "that which does not kill me" thing. Besides, there really isn't much one can do for the sniffles except treat the symptoms.

Anyhow, many people (not doctors) have said that based on my symptoms, I might want to consider the notion that I have allergies.

I've never had allergies, but it's never too late to learn.

So, thinking this could be the case, I decided yesterday to try Claritin-D. After an hour or so yesterday, my sore throat seemed to be better and my nose wasn't running nearly as much. I still had a cough, though, and I developed a killer headache.

Last night, I didn't sleep well and I had much coughing and congestion.

Given that, I think it's safe to conclude that Claritin-D really isn't helping me. But then I started to worry about possible adverse side-effects on my blood pressure. As you know, I'm about to drop dead of a stroke any minute anyway, so I do not need medicine that will make it worse.

So, I did a litte Google and what I found was worst than I suspected. I've highlighted items of interest.

More common side effects may include:

Coughing, dizziness, dry mouth, fatigue, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, sleepiness, sore throat

Less common or rare side effects may include:
Abnormal heartbeat, abnormal skin sensations, acne, altered taste sensation, altered tear production, back pain, breathing difficulties, chest pain, conjunctivitis (pinkeye), constipation, convulsions, depression, diarrhea, difficulty speaking, distended abdomen, earache, eye pain, facial swelling, fatigue, flu-like symptoms, flushing, frequent urination, gas, high blood pressure, inability to urinate, increased sputum production, increased sweating, indigestion, itching, leg cramps, migraine headache, mood disorders, movement abnormalities, muscle pain, muscle stiffness, nasal congestion, nervousness, nosebleed, painful menstrual periods, pneumonia, ringing in ears, sinus problems, swollen mouth, thirst, toothache, tremor, upset stomach, urinary tract infection, vaginal swelling, viral infections, vision problems, vomiting, weakness, weight loss, wheezing

And thus we learn an important lesson about just taking medicine without knowing what the problem really is.

Unfortunately, I have to wait 24 hours to get the Claritin-D out of my system before I can take real cold medicine, lest I suffer through some unfortunate drug interaction.

Project Runway Season 3

You're watching it, right? RIGHT?!

Maybe It's Allergies?

I went to the gym this morning, still sniffling and coughing with my throat nearly swollen shut and my trainer speculated that perhaps I've developed allergies.

This is entirely possible. I think I'm going to skip over to the Duane Reade and see about trying ome Claritin.

Also, I did three sets of squats this morning at 300 lbs!! WOO!

A Debate I Have

Sometimes when I get sick, my brain feels fine, it's just my body that doesn't feel fine. Like, I can think clearly and have no apparent lack of endurance or ability to focus, but I have a pesky cough, sore throat, lots of congestion, and may throw up a little bit now and then.

I'm talking about me this morning.

So, I'm not sure if I should go into the office or not. I'm sure the people in the office do not want me to infect them with my cooties, but I know that they also want me to finish up projects and whatnot.

Update: My coworkers are now being infected with whatever is making me feel the way a wet dog smells.

I'll Say Something to Him Next Time I See Him on My Fire Escape

It's a good thing I was in a rush. Or maybe that wouldn't actually have mattered. But I really think I was going to say something to the guy, a complete stranger, but I was in a rush.

I was heading to 7th Avenue to meet a friend at the 57th St N,Q,R,W station by Carnegie Hall so that we could head up to the Loew's cinemas on Broadway near Lincoln Center. He was late.

Almost everyone in New York is late. It is next to impossible to accurately or consistently plan one's travel times here if you have to depend on anything but instantaneous teleportation. Since most folks use the trains here tardiness is simply the way things are.

Either that or you're sociopathically early, which is rare for most people but afflicts me with some regularity especially when I'm trying to keep my psychosis a secret. Right now, I'm in denial so, I'm blaming my German heritage for my compulsive need to be early. I'm also digressing.

I was walking along when I spotted a man ahead taking pictures, ostensibly of the squatty little apartment buildings that occupy the northwest-most corner of Hell's Kitchen where I live.

He snapped a photo. I saw him check it in the screen of his digital camera as I approached. I was still far enough away when he looked at me that I could look back without turning my head or even diverting my attention from the sidewalk ahead of me.

He brought his camera up and appeared to fuss with the focus.

I shifted my path so that I would pass wide of him and out of the frame. I kept my eyes directed ahead but I watched him in my peripheral vision.

He tracked me with his camera and took a photo.

My head snapped left. I was glaring but he was already reviewing the photo with a small smile on his face.

I got a stride or two past him and watched him bring his camera up to take another picture of the buildings. By then he was facing away from me, but he was close enough that he had to know I was looking directly at him, but he refused to acknowledge me.

I slowed my walk momentarily while I contemplated turning back to ask him about his problem.

On one hand, it's somewhat flattering in a way. On the other hand, it's creepy and I don't it. He didn't ask my permission to take my picture. He just took it.

But I was late, so I kept walking and dug my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed.

"Some dude just took my picture!"

My Broken Heart

Have you seen Heath Ledger lately? He looks like he's been living down by the Port Authority.

Yeah.

I wasn't happy about that, but I averted my eyes and have just been thankful that he doesn't turn up on the sites I read very often.

But now Tom Welling is walking around looking like a Yeti on crack.

It's all just too much. I'm going to cry myself to sleep and hope that Hugh Jackman and David Morse keep their wits and their stylists about them.

Facial Hair

My first boyfriend taught me how to shave my face properly. He taught me how much shaving cream to use, which direction to go with the razor, and how to fix nicks. I was 21 years old.

At the time I was "shaving" every four days because if I didn't it looked as if I had a dirty face -- something my mother actually said around that time. Of course, unlike the girl across the hall who made the same comment, my mom licked her thumb and reached over to attempt to clean my lip.

Yes, laugh it up. Even I think it's funny now that I shave every day.

I started shaving my face every day at the end of last year and it's been prety good.

Even still, I only have a few active follicles on my cheeks. Most of my facial hair grows on the bottom of my chin and on my upper lip.

That said, I have decided to attempt a goatee.

I'll pause while that soaks in.

...

Yeah. A goatee.

I made this decision this weekend after not shaving for two days and noticing that I really don't look like a big, big freak.

Ok. Well, not a COMPLETE freak anyway.

The hair on my lip doesn't connect to the hair on my chin, though. So, I'm predicting that it will turn into some kind of crazy muskateer, Johnny Depp kind of insanity.

We'll see.

I've completely lost my sense of where this was going so I'm just going to bed now.

g'nite!

Road Rage on the Sidewalk

I hate driving in traffic. I always say I hate driving, but that's not true. I just hate traffic.

The same thing is true about pedestrian thoroughfares like sidewalks.

It seems to me that many, if not most, people are completely oblivious to their environment. They stand in doorways for extended conversations. They park their carts in the middle of the aisle while staring blankly at the shelf. They stand at the top of the subway stairs trying to decypher their MTA maps.

These things enfuriate me. Usually I just stop very near to them and stare at them until they move. Sometimes I will say 'excuse me' as I step past. In very close quarters, I will actually lay hands on strangers and guide them out of my path.

Maybe I pay too much attention to what's going on around me. Maybe I'm overly concerned with creating fast, efficient, frictionless paths of transit even if the mode of travel is by foot.

And I know I walk fast. My normal walking speed is above 4.5 miles an hour when I'm by myself. It seems that most people only walk at about three and a half miles per hour, max.

But no matter how I try to find fault in my own thinking or behavior, I just can't suppress my utter contempt for these people who seem to be willfully oblivious to everyone around them. If they're doing it on purpose, they're worthy of more than contempt. If they really are oblivious, I think they should shipped off to the Middle East or some island in the south Pacific where they can bumble around out of my way.

But at most I mutter curses about them. I rarely do anything more than a dirty look.

But this afternoon I did more than that.

I was leaving the movie theater (I saw Superman Returns) and foot traffic was heavy and slow. I was trying to work my way through the crowd when I approached a group of young girls from behind. Suddenly, two of them stopped and because they were walking shoulder to shoulder in a crowd, they caused everyone who was behind them to stumble and stop erratically to try to avoid hitting them.

Then they laughed.

I steamed a little at the juvenile behavior but quickly assessed how I would pass the knot of them and their friends.

I was about three paces behind them when they did it again. And laughed. The knot of people was growing larger and I was getting closer. People were staggering, trying not to hit them.

I got to be only a few feet behind them and they did it again. I saw they were holding hands. I needed no more indication that they were doing this on purpose.

I walked up until I was only about a foot behind the girl on the right. My left foot matched the cadence of her right leg. The girl could not have been more than 5'3", while I stand at 6'2", and I sensed that the widest part of my thigh lined up perfectly with her gluteals. She didn't know I was so close; she was too busy laughing with her friend at the chaos they were causing.

One pace.

I knew they would try it again.

Two paces.

Do it. Dare me to run into you.

She stopped. I didn't.

My leg connected firmly, but without a jolt, to her bottom and she swung wildy counter-clockwise as I passed to her right. She quickly regained her pace, but continued to stagger against her friends in shock.

I looked over my left shoulder and smiled down to her and spoke in a high, cheery voice, "Sorry!" And I shrugged with obviously feigned innocence.

It's not the same as a one way ticket to Islamabad, but I think she got a little of what she deserved.