Flibbertigibbet

But why not even talk to him? I mean, it's just talking, right? Perhaps for advice or simply to enjoy one's company? Have you never had a decent conversation with him? Is that why?

He's a bad person, Ergo. I stand to gain absolutely nothing from his company. He's self-destructive.

It's not that I've never had a decent conversation with him, it's that 1) we were romantically involved, so a mere friendship with him is impossible in my mind although I did give it a try and 2) I've learned that on balance the conversations we have aren't worth the time or energy and they wind up bothering me more than inspiring me.

He's simply not the quality of individual I want to spend my time on.

Flibbert,

Are you totally against becoming friends with someone you've dated in the past? If the romance fails, do you think it is possible for you to have a good quality friendship with that person?

It has never worked for me and I am not inclined to try. Generally, I do not think it is possible "downgrade" relationships from romance to friendship -- not if you really meant it when you were having the romance.

"not if you really meant it when you were having the romance."

Exactly.

Quoting myself:

[If your] goal is serious, complete, life-long romance of the highest order, then it isn't just a matter of "whelp, you win some you lose some." You will be very seriously invested in the relationship and its outcome.

This is a recognition that emotions are only worth the reality of what gives rise to them. What is the value of the emotions you had [for the ex] if they were based on a fiction, rather than the reality of the individual? None!

A break-up is usually the shattering of an illusion. You see that they are not actually this wonderful person you thought that they were. Your love turns to a kind of disgust, embarrassment, and perhaps betrayal. Like when you wake up thinking you were kissing your sweetie but realize that you're actually kissing the dog. Yuck! That's how a breakup goes.

If one is seeking life-long all-consuming love, then naturally one is proceeding on the premise that one's partner is "the one." If you go from that to "break up," then there must necessarily be a wide gap between what one thought was the case and what was actually the case. Thus the big fallout when it is discovered that this is not the case.

The point of a break-up is that you don't love them. You don't think they deserve your love. As far as you're concerned, they got something they didn't deserve from you and you would begrudge them that. They would be a walking reminder of when you gave yourself, body and mind, to someone unworthy; of how you lowered yourself to loving that unworthy person (again, if they are worthy, or you didn't consider it lowering yourself... why break up?) [presumably because you were mistaken about their worthiness, or even worse - they deceived you.] There would have to be some fairly interesting and unique circumstances that would make a friendship worthwhile in light of that. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it would certainly be rare.

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And that's just speaking generally. In this case, the ex is clearly a psycho drama queen from hell (no pun intended). "Why not even talk to him?" I don't mean to sound harsh, but that question seems pretty naïve. All these psycho-stalker types need is some kind of slim hope of getting back together and they will never leave you alone. Do not feed the bears! Trey is smart enough to know that!

-Inspector