Flibbertigibbet

Skinny

Since I moved to New York in March, I've gained about 20 lbs. This morning, my trainer told me that I cannot be described as "skinny" any longer.

I'm not sure if I count as "slim," though.

I'm 6'2" so, 190lbs has some distance to cover. My arms are not huge or anything and my face has always been somewhat angular, which gives the impression of being trim.

But I have noticed that my back, shoulders, and chest are much more broad now. My arms are a little bigger.

I still think I'd like to gain another five to ten pounds, but it's kind of neat to now think of myself as "athletic" or "average" in terms of size and build now. I mean, this is really just a change in my self-image and it's hard to change that.

When I came to college, I weighed about 155. At one point in college, during my sophomore year, I got down to 145. After that, I got up to 160 - 165, but stayed there until I was 25. I managed to slowly gain another 10 - 12 lbs with weight training, but stayed at 170 for a couple of years.

I still think of myself as being 155 lbs, but I'm now 35lbs heavier. The difference is not insignificant and the adjustment is congnitively difficult.

I can't hop up on a table like I used to be able to do. It's not because I can't jump as high, but because the table will likely collapse under me.

The dimensions of my body are different now. Some of my old clothes don't fit me properly. There are times when I'm walking and I think I will narrowly miss something only to strike it solidly either to the detriment of the object or, more often, my arm.

My center of gravity has shifted slightly upward. This might not seem like a big deal, but I am used to being pretty light on my feet and aware of my body in space. Now, though, I have to be balance a slightly different weight distribution.

I asked a couple of the girls in the office and they agreed that I'm not skinny. They do acknowledge that I've gotten bigger, but they also thought I was never really "skinny." Interesting.

So, now I have to tell myself to think of myself as big. And I'll kick your ass.