December 05, 2006

Christmas List

In my family, we publish Christmas lists. Some people think this is silly or de classe, but much like Michael Hartney (a red-headed comic bear that I have a little internet crush on) Christmas lists are absolutely necessary in my family, although for different reasons.

First of all, yes, there are all the phone calls.

Second, I'm hard to shop for unless you're my best friend or roommate. See, I tend to run out and just buy the things I want. And it would be next to impossible for you to guess those little odds and ends that I want but am unwilling to just rush out and buy because they are likely out of budget or aren't worth the additional expense. (Don't mistake something that isn't worth the additional expense as something cheap or unwanted. Luxury items are often in this category because their expense fails to be worth it to me. Yeah, they're great, but I can live without them, so it's easy to squelch my impulse to buy.)

My mother is like me in this way.

My dad and my sister are the opposite. They're impossible to shop for because they lack a sense of luxury or a rationally bounded desire for material wealth. If you ask them what they want, they often say things like, "Socks" or "a gun" or "typing paper." Seriously, my sister asked for a Glock one Christmas and my dad does often tell us that he wants shirts and socks, but he doesn't mean fancy ones. He means white socks and blue shirts.

My mother and I can be very creative shoppers. We don't actually need lists because we could probably come up with something really cool for each other. But my dad and sister probably wouldn't appreciate our gifts as much as we appreciate them for them.

For instance, I would buy my sister clothes. But if I were a woman with my sister's figure (Who are we kidding? I would be SO much hotter than she is.) I would not wear the crazy lesbian clothing she's obsessed with.

Oh, you don't know what lesbian clothing looks like? Well, control-top jeans, t-shirts that are designed without sleeves but with logos or Tweety-birds. Ugly, mannish, unflattering clothing.

Lesbians, settle down. You brought this on yourselves. And if you cite shirts with ruffles on the cuffs and collar, I will have to admit that it's pretty gay.

Anyway, neither my dad nor my sister can be trusted to dress themselves, but they hate it when others presume to point out that their bras don't fit.

Hi! I'm gay and I know more about where boobs are supposed to be than many people who are genetically endowed with them.

Also, when my dad and sister shop, they don't know what to buy. I was given batteries for Christmas one year. I also received a whisk broom and dust pan another year.

So, we have to have lists.

If you want to ensure that you get one particular thing for Christmas, make a short list, put that thing at the top, include links to where it can be purchased, and tell everyone that you really only want that one thing.

Unfortunately, this does not lead to much surprise for you on Christmas.

I recommend the "long list" approach. This means that you make a very long list and then you give people lots of options at different price levels and then you're actually surprised Christmas morning.

Compare my sister's list with my list.

Sister's List

DUE SOUTH (1,2,3,4)
NCIS (1-2)



I bought my sister Tivo. I had been planning to buy it for her for months already and it just happened to be on her list this year.

I should also point out that had I not already decided on her gift, I would be very upset with this list. It's too short, too vague at points, and contains nothing that I would care to buy someone for Christmas.

Also, I realize my spelling isn't perfect, but "matrice" is actually how she thinks a person spells "mattress." She also thinks that "mirror" is spelled "miro." I don't know why.

I also don't know why her list is in all capital letters.

Flibby's List

General Gift Ideas
Ski Blades & boots (I wear size 11 shoes)
Wrist watch
Black and brown belts to which I can affix different belt buckles
Cool belt buckles for said belts
Grey, white, brown, blue, or green hoodie (I have red & black. The Gap has a white hoodie with red inside the hood that I really like. I wear a Large.)
Socks with fun colors and patterns. (Avoid cartoon characters. Think argyle, stripes, polka dots, etc.)
Bose IE headphones
Homesite 5.0

Next by Michael Crichton

Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris

Phantom by Terry Goodkind

Sparrowhawk VI: War by Edward Cline

The Complete Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

Steel Magnolias
Strictly Ballroom
Moulin Rouge
Muriel's Wedding
Dangerous Beauty
Buffy the Vampire Slayer Seasons 2+ (I have the first season only.)
Serenity: The Firefly Movie
Superman Ultimate Collector's Edition (with all the Superman movies)
Spiderman 1 & 2
Bourne Identity
Bourne Supremacy
Indiana Jones (all of them)
X-Men (1, 2, and 3)
Terminator 2
Pirates of the Caribbean (1 & 2)
French Kiss
Grosse Pointe Blank
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Stocking Stuffer Ideas
iTunes gift certificates
Banana Republic Gift Certificates
Wine accoutrements

I'm actually disappointed in my list this year. Usually, it's much longer and I cross-reference everything with links, but I was in a rush to put my list together this year.

So, there you have it! Get to shopping!

Posted by Flibbertigibbet at December 5, 2006 07:23 PM | TrackBack

I also have Next and The Delusional God on my Amazon wishlist. Knowing my luck I'll be buying them for myself.

Posted by: britton at December 5, 2006 09:34 PM

I, too, like striped and argyle-patterned socks. Right now I'm wearing blue striped socks--4 shades of blue, with a white stripe thrown in for good measure.

Posted by: Kris at December 6, 2006 09:57 AM