Flibbertigibbet

God the Hypocrite

I typed this post up once this weekend but then the computer I was using did something weird with a pop-up blocker and refreshed the page without saving and I lost the whole thing right at the end. I only hope that I can remember all the eloquent wit and insight from that original draft. If you find this post lacking in those respects, please write to Bill Gates about that browser of his.

I was thinking of this quotation by Epicurus that I read over on The Binary Circumstance:

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?

- Epicurus 341BC - 270 BC
Source

Emphasis added.

I recall that some say that God's unwillingness to stop evil (And it is a lack of will because in spite of his love, his will be done and that which is not done must not be his will.) is because he wants to test us. It is unclear to me why the self-esteem of an omnipotent being rests so heavily on the opinion of mere mortals, but that's what I've been told.

Also according to the rumors I've heard around the sacred font, the golden rule, the standard of moral virtue, is that one should do to others as we would have other do unto us. This is particularly tricky because I'm told that people are mean, greedy, selfish, prideful, small monsters who want nothing but for their own pleasure.

I concede that my own moral standard is guided by that which leads to my own happiness and well-being and I do take particular pride in the fact that at work I have a reputation for charging customers more than everyone else would charge, although I do object to the tone used to describe me by those collared people use to say it. For the sake of this discussion, we'll just accept their accusation as true.

So, since we're just yucky critters, we would prefer it if others destroyed themselves serving our whims, wants, and fevered wishes. Following the golden rule, then, we would have to destroy ourselves helping others. I should think that there's a direct relationship between how much you want others to serve you that you would have to serve others. To their credit, most of the Christians I know don't do this, which, assuming they're perfectly faithful to the rule, means that they don't actually want other people to go quite so far to make them happy. Mother Theresa must have been a horrid person since judging by her actions she must have wanted people to do every wicked thing on her behalf.

The zombie-worshipers really liked Mother Theresa. If I understand them correctly, you're like a super-duper good person if you're really, really demanding of your fellow humans in your heart, but you prostrate yourself before the dregs of humanity in your devotion to God. That's why so many nuns and priests like to talk to criminals and savages. In fact, Jesus tended to associate with prostitutes, extortionists, and thieves and he wound up being tortured and executed as some sort of sacrifice to us.

I'm not so sure Jesus' execution should count as a sacrifice for several reasons.

First, he didn't really string himself up on the cross, he had some other people do it for him. The rule is that YOU do unto others as you would have them do unto you, not you have THEM do unto you and you would do if you were to have them do unto you.

Second, it is alleged that he rose from the dead (which kind of means that he was a zombie although I admit to having no corroborating evidence that he was in search of brains to eat) which is really an option only open to God or those he's imbued with magical powers. If you can just come back alive after dead it's really not all that much of a sacrifice to die. I mean, really, you could probably work out a way to die 30 days in a year and still hold down a regular job. I'm sure an employer would be OK with that if you explain that you're saving souls. (As your boss, I'd feel a deep curiosity about what you're going to do with the souls you save, but I don't know if I'd ask because I don't like to pry into people's personal business.)

Third, let's assume that Jesus dies for good, he could just impregnate another virgin and come back as a baby all over again. Again, I find the fact that God can just become human without even the usual fuss associated with making babies a reason to think that

Sidebar: Why doesn't anyone ever talk about the fact that Mary was unfaithful to Joseph when she schtupped with the Holy Spirit? And why doesn't anyone call Jesus a bastard since he was conceived out of wedlock. (The rules of bastardization are hazy to me. Can you just be married to anyone or do you have to be married to the father of the child to make a bastard?)

It's like how Jesus pulled money out of the mouth of a fish to pay his taxes. If you can just pull money out of a fish, why would you get a job? Money isn't worth very much if you can just take it out of any old passing fish.

And I don't know of the last time that god lavished me with gifts, burnt offerings, praise, thanks, and a deep fear of what I might do to him next. But that's how he treats me.

This is the beef that I'm bringing up in this post: it's like God is exempt from the standard of moral good. He doesn't treat others the way he thinks he should be treated and given his desire to stop people from masturbating, getting rich, eating really good food, cutting their hair or not cutting their hair as the case may be, wearing make-up, praying in public, eating bugs (I'm sticking up for you, Bear Grylls! Call me!) and a whole lot of other things that people think are fun, he should be doing an omni-amount of things for us.

I also don't think heaven is a good enough reward for doing unto God as we would have him do unto us. I mean, he's omnipotent. He can do better and he can do it now.

But he doesn't because he's testing us? I'm afraid that won't do.

We all agree that "good" isn't something the God makes up because that would make "good" a whim, a matter of divine opinion. God has to actually be good in order for us to describe him as good.

I propose that we stop letting God get away with this hypocrisy. I'm not going to talk to him until he sets these wrongs right. It's only just.

At the very least, I think we should send all the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses to his door so that he can find his way back to the path of righteousness. And if that doesn't work, we should send the Scientologists to give him a stress test. And if that doesn't work, I think we should send the muslims to show him a little tough loves. No one likes an infidel.