Flibbertigibbet

Save the Planet! Bomb Iran and Syria!

The Live Earth concerts happened recently and they got me to thinking: how can we save the planet?

Out of sheer enthusiasm, I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm not very clear on what the Earth is in danger of, unless we're talking about asteroids, which are of great concern to me because sunscreen does not stop asteroids. It's true. Scientists said, "Sunscreen will not stop asteroids." Ask any of them.

And then someone told me that CO2 is a huge problem.

I didn't know it was such a huge problem because I heard that plants breathe CO2 and I exhale CO2, so it seems like CO2 is totally fine. I just know that I have no intention of not breathing, so that solution will have to be pursued by someone else.

And who else could do that? Who would be better off not breathing?

You're thinking about President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, aren't you? I was. That was the first thing I thought of, actually.

And then I found out that there are over 70 million people in Iran. I would say that a very large percentage of the people there would be better off not breathing, specifically all the ones with bombs strapped to their babies and things like that.

This made me think the same thing of Syria, which has some 19 million people.

Just think of how many earths we could save if we just smothered a bunch of Iranians and Syrians!!!

Since this is clearly the best solution to Global Warming, I fully expect Hillary and Barak to call me tonight to hear my other ideas for worldwide improvement. I mean, Liberals love the planet, right?

Next headline: Democratic Presidential Candidates Support Pre-Emptive Attacks on Iran, Syria

This plan is fool proof!