Flibbertigibbet

Goodbye!

My whole romance with The Cuban has been somewhat dramatic. Not dramatic in the sense that there was screaming and people flinging martinis in people's faces, but there has been a lot of talk and back and forth about things. And there's the whole "I have such strong passionate feelings" and the "Oh this inner torment and conflict" and yadda yadda yadda. Drama.

I guess that makes light of something that really shouldn't be made light of. I certainly do care for The Cuban quite a bit and he cares quite a bit for me.

In the modern way of thinking, those feeling trump everything including petty things like ideology. But I'm not a modern thinker, am I? I'm thinking about the future.

Well, The Cuban and I have exchanged goodbye emails. My hope is that my note offers a little more explanation and parries a weak barb that he tossed at me in his.

He wrote his first. They're both in the extended entry.

Hello there, I hope you are well. I didn't get to say goodbye so I figured I'd do it now. Even though we were together for a short time you made an impact on my life. The irony is that you never really asked what my religious beliefs are. It doesn't matter now because I know it can not be. So with that said, I wish you all the best.

I'll think of you often.

I love you.

The Cuban

I am doing reasonably well. I'm just getting over a bad cold that I've been fighting for a little over a week and a half now.

I actually did inquire after your religious beliefs once before we met, while we were just chatting, and a couple of times when we were dating. Your responses left things a little unclear at first because you said, "I'm not religious," meaning that although you do have faith, you do not practice. I foolishly took it to mean that you were some sort of agnostic. When I asked you why you wear a crucifix the first time, your answer implied that it was merely out of habit and not out of religious significance.

The question is largely moot because even after I found out with certainty that you do believe in God, I did not immediately break off the relationship. I tried to separate that aspect of you -- the part that accepts faith as reason enough for belief in something -- from all the things I enjoy about you. I think such a practice does a disservice to both of us.

You are who you are; the sum of all of your ideas, feelings, beliefs, passion, and even faith. It is your identity as the totality of those things that allows you to be you. If you took away one part of it, you would be something else, maybe only slightly different or maybe completely different, no one can know.

Love is an emotional response to the identification of one's highest, most treasured and sacred values in another person. For me, rationality is one such value. In a man I love, I must see an earnest dedication to truth, which can only be pursued by reason. Faith and reason are incompatible and mutually exclusive -- arguments and assertions to the contrary notwithstanding.

In order for me to try to love you in the way that you and I deserve, though, I would have to let that go.

I've spent my entire adult life searching for and seeking out truth and I've been very successful at it. It would not only be a shame but also a hideous betrayal of that effort to go against that truth in only venture in my life that could be more important, love.

I wish there were some brief way that I could explain that this isn't merely about "religious belief," but about one's fundamental methodology in life. Even if you decided that you would not claim a belief in God, just to be with me, the underlying issue would still be on the table. On the other side, if it were possible to claim a belief in God that was completely and utterly detached from every other aspect of your life, then it would not bother me -- but such a condition is next to impossible to identify.

You are and will always be dear to me and I wish you well. You have many qualities that I hope to find in a mate and I learned a lot from you. I took some emotional risks with you and I think they paid off. I enjoyed my time with you deeply and I will think of you often as well.

Thanks for everything

Flibby