Flibbertigibbet

Baby Talk

I went on a date with this guy a couple of weeks ago. He was a nice guy. A quirky sense of humor, but smart and well-established in his life. He seemed to be a pretty clear-headed guy. After our first date, we parted ways with a sweet, short kiss. It was a good balance of casualness and possibility.

On our second date, we went to dinner and we chatted more intensely. We had more in common, but several things not in common. He enjoys theater, musicals, and cabaret. I do not. He's Jewish, although it was unclear about whether or not he is a man of faith. We have similar career asperations and hopes for the future. We have similar outlook on romance.

At the end of the date, we went back up to his place "for a drink."

We were kissing and he broke our embrace to interject, "Dyou aw wewwy cyute."

"What?"

"Dyou are wewwy cyute an' funny an' sweet. Dyou aw a vewwy special guy."

That's right. This grown man of nearly 40 years old was speaking to me, a man of nearly 30 years old with baby talk.

Now, I don't mind being called "baby" or "babe." I even use those terms of affection. But baby talk?

I also understand that when people are getting close or physically intimate, sometimes unusual behavior emerges. Sometimes people reveal aspects of their personality that aren't usually for public display. Personally, I become a silent man of action. I don't talk much in those situations at all, but some people get quite chatty and verbalize all sorts of things.

Baby talk was a first for me. It's disturbing.

What if we had gotten married and adopted a child?

Can you imagine walking in on your husband talking to your child in the same voice, saying some similar expressions to an infant that he uses with you while being physical intimate?

Imagine that your husband is the kind of guy who gets really raunchy in bed. The kind of guy who is like, "OH YEAH. YOU'RE SO @$#% HOT. GOD, YEAH. YOU'RE A NASTY BITCH. DADDY'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL REAL GOOD. OH YEAH."

And you walk in on him talking like that to a 9 month old infant.

It's completely inappropriate. I promise. I've never seen that happen, but I promise it would upset me.

So, there will be no more dates for Mister Babytalk. The cabaret stuff was bad enough, but I just can't bear the thought of being part of a pedophilia fantasy.