Flibbertigibbet

And Then There Was One

Ok. Now that the police are gone and the houseguests have been ejected and the roommates know that they have to move out IMMEDIATELY, let me tell you how the events of the weekend, especially this morning, unfolded.

Friday Night
I was on my way out to a party, but as I stepped into the garage, a car pulled up and blocked me into the garage. Out stepped Male Guest, Dipshit, and Female Guest, Idgit. They introduced themselves and said they were here to see Male Roommate and Female Roommate.

I took them in and asked them to please move the car so I could leave.

Immediately, I didn't like Dipshit and Idgit seemed like an idgit to me.

Male Roommate told me that they might not be back that night because they were going to go out partying. I said that was fine and that I was headed out, too, but I would be back later.

I came back later and the roommates' car was still here, but the guests' car was not. Fine by me. I went to bed.

Saturday
I am awakened from my slumber by an argument. It was the voices of Dipshit and Idgit.

I got up, worked out in the yard a bit while the others did their thing on their side of the house.

When inside, I spent my time in my room with the door closed because I had absolutely no desire to interact with any of these people.

It was during this time that I was addressed as "gay guy."

I went out to a BBQ/Birthday Party, and when I came back there was a truck in the driveway blocking me from getting into the garage. I thought more people were in my house and was prepared to raise some hell about it. When I came in the door, however, Male Roommate was excited to see me. He told me that Dipshit and Idgit were staying for a couple of days until their house was ready and that Male Roommate and Female Roommate would be moving in with them by this Thursday. I was very happy about that and decided that I wouldn't make a fuss over the guests since they would be taking these silly people out of my house in less than a week.

The truck, it turned out, belongs to Idgit Male Roommate's boss. Do you remember how he stole this truck before? This time it wasn't stolen. Male Roommate's Boss loaned it to him to help Dipshit and Idgit move.

Sunday
I woke up early to do laundry and work on my homework. I kept my door closed mostly, but it wasn't long before Dipshit was up making a racket again. Because I had to park on the street, he pulled the truck into the garage to work on it.

I left Sunday afternoon to go to the movies and out to dinner.

When I came back, people were still noisy and stupid. Nothing new. I went to my room.

Update 3: I keep realizing that while the weekend was rolling, I forgot to tell you guys some important details. One such detail is the conversation I had with Female Roommate on Sunday evening.

She came to my room and told me that she and Male Roommate were very sorry for Dipshit and Idgit and that they would not move in with them. She also told me that they were pulled over Saturday night and Male Roommate was arrested because there was a warrant out for him for driving on a suspended license.

Because the town that had the warrant didn't want to come get him, he was let go once he posted bail.

Monday Morning
This is where it gets exciting, so I will slow down the storytelling a little bit. In retrospect, it might have been mroe reasonable for me to be excited to see the police, since I've never been around anyone getting arrested before. Or drug stuff. Or anything like that.

So, it's like 5:50 and I hear yelling. "Great. They get started early during the week," I thought and pulled the pillow over my head. Only the commotion got louder and louder.

Finally, at 6, I got up and pulled on some jeans and went out to the kitchen to get my Frosted Mini Wheats.

When I stepped out into the kitchen, I saw that Dipshit was pinned to the ground in the living room by two police officers and he was apparently very unhappy. I just paused to look at him before continuing to the cabinet and getting my cereal.

The roommates realized I was awake and up and they came to jibber-jabber at me and I couldn't eat my cereal right away. The police also wanted to ask me a few questions.

"No, I do not know those people, they are guests of my roommates."
"Yes, I am quite angry."
"Yes, I own this house."
"No, I do not know about drugs."
"No, I would not be surprised if you found any back there."
"Yes, I have a lease."
"Yes, I am evicting them."

So, the police thing went on for over an hour while they questioned everyone and searched the guestroom and the roommates' room.

In searching, they found crystal meth "pots" and various things wrapped in tin foil.

What is it about tin foil that attracts drug users? Is it because it's shiny? I'll bet it's the shiny.

Also, how come drug users hide their things where it's so easy to find? Like on top of the dresser?

So, if you know me, you might be able to picture the color red that my face was this entire time because I was furious. It's a color of red that brings to mind things like supernovas and bloodshed. Ok. Maybe I'm the only one thinking about bloodshed, but believe me, I was very angry and it showed.

Unfortunately, the police didn't find enough to haul off the roommates. They only got Dipshit. Idgit was left here so that I could tell her to get the hell out right now.

Then, I was left with the roommates.

"Yes, I am very angry. Yes, I'm sorry, too. I want you out of here post haste. I mean it. I am very, very angry that you have brought this into my house. Get out."

The police informed me that because I have a lease, that in order to do an enforceable eviction, I have to file with the courthouse and give them 30 days notice.

Right now, I'm not sure I want to do that. If I do file with the courthouse, then they will know that according to the law they have 30 days and they may dawdle. I want them out right now.

If I do not file with the courthouse and they dawdle anyway I cannot forceably evict them and have the police backing me until I give them 30 days.

So, I'm kind of conflicted right now. I called into work and I'll probably wait until after lunch to go in. I need to think about this, but the end result of whatever happens will be no one but me living in my house for the time being.

Just wait until my parents visit in October and I have to tell them to be on the look out for crystal meth pipes in the guestroom. Mother will be thrilled.

Update: I just heard from Male Roommate that Dipshit expected to be allowed to live here with Idgit for A COUPLE OF WEEKS. Flibby says, "No way, Jose." Also, when I was cleaning the crap out of my other guestroom, in addition to a video tape entitled "Cum Blow My Horn" I found a cigarette butt, so I know they were smoking in my house.

Bastards. I hope he goes to jail for a long time.

Update 2:I just spoke with the roommates and told them that I want them out by Thursday and they agreed. I know, what you're thinking. These people are not reliable and that's plenty of time for them to steal everything, but legally, I can't force them to go for 30 days. If I can get them to agree to move sooner, then I'm that much happier.

I will most certainly head over to the court house to get an eviction notice made up in case it comes to that.

Update 3 Continued: I also forgot to tell you how the cops got called in the first place.

As it turns out, Dipshit went nuts this morning and attacked Idgit. Idgit ran into the bathroom and yelled for Male and Female Roommate. When Male Roommate came out and observed the absurdity of the situation, "This is ridiculous," he said, Dipshit went for him, too. Female Roommate called the cops.

And the rest is what you see above.

Posted by Flibbertigibbet at September 12, 2005 08:53 AM | TrackBack