November 21, 2004

Open Letter to the Homosexual Man from the Restroom at the Regal 24 in Atlanta

Dear, Homosexual Man from the Restroom at the Regal 24 in Atlanta:

I hope that this letter finds you well. I am doing very well myself. I am writing in regard to our meeting last night at the movie theater.

I remember you because you look like Felix La PuBelle. You’re also about 5’4” tall, while I am 6'2". I can actually see the very top of your head without really trying.

You will recall that you stared at me before we entered the restroom. You stared at me while we stood at the urinal. And you stared at me in the mirror while we washed our hands. I believe that the image of me is etched into your mind now forever. My own mother hasn’t even looked at me that hard -- even after the time I got her car stuck in the mud on the tank trails and "borrowed" someone’s tractor to pull it out.

I don’t consider myself an expert on etiquette by any stretch but I think staring is generally considered impolite. I also believe that staring in the restroom is at least doubly taboo.

I am very glad that you opted against getting up on your tippy-toes to look over the partition because I would not have enjoyed the conversation that followed that sort of incident.

You may have noticed that I am not George Michael and neither were any of the other 10 men in the room with us. Of course, I can’t guarantee that all of them would have been as put off by your ocular fixation problem as I was.

I don’t know if I would call ours a “meeting” since I acknowledged your presence for a total of 1.35 seconds only to emphasize my lack of interest. I did want to write this follow-up, though, to you to let you know that 1) the bathroom is not the place to get dates with me and 2) staring is not the way to let me know you’re interested.

I realize that there are not many times or places that present occasion for you or anyone to strike up a romance with me. I also realize that I am quite stand-offish and even under the appropriate circumstances you would find it difficult to approach me. However, I really think you can do better than staring at folks at the toilet.

Just thought you should know.


Posted by Flibbertigibbet at November 21, 2004 01:59 PM
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