September 28, 2007

Gays Spot Legal Problem, Propose Flaboyantly Idiotic Response Passage of Historic Hate Crimes Act Hailed, Bush Veto Feared

The passage today of the Matthew Shepard Act by the U.S. Senate is being hailed as a "historic moment for equality" by gay rights organizations across the country. However, President George W. Bush has threatened a veto of the legislation, which the White House contends is unnecessary as existing law already covers the issue.

I am against hate crime legislation.

First of all, it's already illegal to kidnap people, drag them to the country, tie them to a fence post, beat them, and leave them for dead. I think this is probably one of the first laws ever made by people wishing to organize themselves into a state.

Among the other things that are illegal and rightly so:
- Vandalizing property that does not belong to you
- Hitting people without their permission
- Killing people without their permission
- Threatening people
- Menacing people
- Following someone around yelling foul things at them while they are trying to mind their own business and you're being a nuisance

It is stupid to pass a law that says that not only are you not allowed to do that, but you're ESPECIALLY not allowed to do it to someone because you don't like them because you're a bigot.

I don't know what your being a bigot has to do with anything, really.

Some people argue that these so-called hate crimes are worse than regular crimes because they function like terrorism. Say some gay person is beaten up for being gay, then all gay people get scared.

Someone should write a letter. It should go something like this:

Dear Straight People:

I hope this letter finds you well and that you are enjoying your regular sex. Sodomy is great; it's pretty much the same as since it was invented a bajillion years ago and going strong.

So, I heard from a friend of mine that there are some maniacs among you and not the good kind that remain confined to the floor. It is alleged that there are people among you who beat people up.


If you're not terrified of this, you're the maniac in question. Please turn yourself in. We have you surrounded.


Gay people.

P.S. Hope you like the sodomy as much as we do.

In all seriousness, I'm terrified by the idea that there is someone out there robbing banks. I'm not a banker, but I regard that as a pretty serious problem. One that should be resolved by a high-speed chase, and ass-whuppin', and speedy and public trial, and a lengthy jail sentence. I'm sure the bankers in the audience would agree.

My point is that everyone is being terrorized when a crime is committed. As a friend of mine puts it: every crime is a hate crime.

The whole idea that your criminals get worse punishments for their crimes because they have particularly odious ideas is antithetical to the notion of freedom of thought, freedom of speech, or freedom in general.

I say, let's punish our criminals. Hard.

And then be done with it. George Bush should veto that Matthew Shepherd thing and also stop being just a homophobe, too.

Posted by Flibbertigibbet at September 28, 2007 06:03 PM | TrackBack

I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher and they brushed on this topic. A member of the panel argued that hate crime laws are necessary because in some parts of the country, there are still large groups of hateful white folk who think it isn't illegal to hang a black man or stone a sodomite—even on the local law enforcement level. Therefore federal hate crime laws are necessary to reinforce current laws.

Obviously I disagree with this, but its good to know where they’re coming from. Maher disagrees too and points out that we have laws to deal with police corruption too.

Posted by: Matt Chancellor at September 30, 2007 04:27 PM

To side track...something that is illegal but perhaps not rightly so:
- Killing people *with* their permission.
I'm still confounded by that.

Posted by: Amy at October 1, 2007 01:39 PM

Yeah, I didn't list that there because I think if you do have someone's permission to kill them, then it should be ok. Obviously, extensive documentation would have to be provided to ensure that it's not actually murder, but still. I think suicide and assisted suicide should be legal.

Posted by: Flibbert at October 1, 2007 02:12 PM

The opening paragraph of your letter to straight people made me laugh out loud at work.

(my lawyer will be contacted your lawyer regarding compensation for the emotional trauma of the ensuing embarrassment)

Posted by: Justin at October 1, 2007 02:28 PM
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