June 28, 2007
"Q: Is masturbation sex…?
A: Yes it is Sex; sex is any contact with and pleasure from the genitals. It does not say what form of contact – despite our president [Clinton] – and it does not say who or whether it’s you yourself. If you get pleasure from scratching your back, that is not sex… but if it’s the right area, it is!”
(note also that the "despite our president" comment got big laughs")
As a friend of mine in college used to say: "Don't be dumb. Get you some."
June 27, 2007
Well, remember my ex who did his cry- for- attention- faux- suicide attempt?
At the end of that incident, I told him to never speak to me again.
Last night, that fool sent me an instant message. I didn't save the conversation, but I wish I had so I could share it with you guys.
It went something like this:
Him: I got beat by a drag queen.
Me: Seriously, never talk to me again.
Me: No, not whatever. You need to understand that I don't want you to ever talk to me again.
Me: Are we clear on this?
He also swore at me and called me ugly names. But he stopped talking to me.
I THINK I'm finally rid of him. Only time will tell.
June 26, 2007
Objectivism's view toward romantic and ideal sex is one of breathless reverence for a sublime greatness
June 25, 2007
He was really sweet and sexy and I really enjoyed many things about him, but we had some ideological differences that really bothered me and I felt like we were lacking an intellectual connection. So, we broke up.
But I do miss him. I miss all the good things that made me date him in the first place.
I saw him Friday night while hunting for a bar that wasn't too dark, too loud, too crowded, or too expensive. And it was really nice to see him even if it was only for five seconds.
Well, that brief encounter then lead to a text message exchange on Saturday.
This will totally sound like a lie, but it's not, I actually thought he was someone else sending me a text message (one of the cute guys I met Friday), so I was kind of flirty. Even after I realized it was him, though the conversation continued a little longer. It was kind of hard to not respond when I had been texting him all evening.
Eventually, I did just stop responding, though. And today he sent me an email saying it was nice to "talk" to me.
I have to say: this is one of the more difficult aspects of my strict dating policies. I have good reasons for dating the people I've dated and I'm not confused or unclear about them. I also have good reasons for not dating them any more and they are equally clear.
The decision I make about the relationship is a direction function of my hierarchy of values and it wouldn't make any sense for me to try to go against that. But I still have a little internal conflict on the situation.
I mention all of this only to highlight the fact that being a rational human being doesn't mean that one has no conflict. Just because you know the moral thing to do doesn't mean that you are blind to the possible (limited-range) value of the alternative. The difference is that one recognizes the greater value in acting rationally and morally.
Sure, I could probably call up The Cuban and ask him for a date and he'd probably say yes. But that is obviously not the best decision to make. So, at this point I'm not even responding to his recent note. There's nothing to gain by it.
Erosophia is written by a couple, Jason and Megan. It seems interesting, but I'd like to see where it goes. They seem like they're still trying to find their own style and voice.
Ergo of Ergosum is TOTALLY picking fights with them now. Or maybe Jason is picking fights with Ergo. I don't know.
I don't know who started this but it's all I can do not to make jokes about Ergo and Jason settling their dispute by dousing themselves in baby oil and wrestling it out gentlemen, but I have no idea how anyone would take that so I have to content myself with making a list of ways to pick fights with Brad Pitt. Actually, the fight picking list goes with a separate list of which Brad Pitt is just one option.
I blogged on a portion of Ergo's post over on my other blog, but I haven't been able to migrate my old posts yet. Ergo and I are also in the middle of a little email conversation on the topic as well.
I will admit: when I first read his post on the topic, I really wasn't clear on Ergo's actual position. It appeared to me that he was advocating "friends with benefits." After mulling the topic over with my readers, I came to the conclusion that "f!bomb buddies" and the like are generally immoral.
But I've also had the benefit of Ergo's own clarifications and I don't think he actually supports that.
I believe his argument is simply that there isn't some sort of crazy categorical imperative against sex without Love. There are lots and lots of situations that one can imagine that one might be in that would make sex with someone one doesn't Love the perfectly moral thing to do.
One situation is the case of Kira and Andre in We the Living. Kira does not love Andre. I think she learns to admire him some, but her love goes to Leo. Her reason for having sex with Andre is so that she can save Leo's life. Given their situation, Kira's actions are moral.
Obviously, most people do not find themselves in an oppressive socialist system where their lover is dying and the only available means of saving them is prostituting themselves to a leader of that oppressive system of government. That, my friends, is drama. DRAMA.
A more common situation might be one where one lives in a community where none of the available mates are ideal, so one is left to choose someone who is as good as possible. It may be argued that such a situation represents the individual "settling" for a lesser value, but bear in mind that no higher value is present. It would be inhumane to subject one's self to a life of celibacy when there are willing, not-offensive partners available. Naturally, if the ideal person does show up, one would drop the lesser to have the better, but we can't possibly expect that poor person to know that their ideal would arrive when all signs point to lifelong loneliness. It would be moral given the context of the decision for such a person to choose a mate of the available partners knowing full well that the highest level of Love is not available to them.
We can also think of an even less depressing and far more common scenario: dating. Let's say you find someone who is attractive and willing. You start dating them and every sign indicates that this person is a wonderful person and your relationship may one day develop into one of mutual respect, admiration, love, and reverence. But prior to realizing this deep love, you might choose to have sex with that person. It's a risk because you might break up. They might turn out to be a schmuck. Obviously, you don't want them to be a schmuck and you wouldn't want to have sex with them if you know they'll reveal themselves to be a schmuck, but neither would you save yourself for marriage.
And before I wrap up, I want to mention another situation in which sex happens but you're not in love: masturbation. I count masturbation as sex. We might stretch the definition of Love to say that one is loving one's self, but throughout this discussion we haven't used the word in that way.
So, anyway, the point here is that there are lot of cases in which one might have sex without love and still not be immoral.
This doesn't mean that one is going to go about being a rapist or that one is being an intrinsicist for advocating sex with one's ideal partner.
From what I can tell we're all on the same page here, but if folks have to get rowdy about it, I guess that's what they'll do. Who needs more baby oil?
June 23, 2007
It was... special.
At one point, we were arranged into two concentric circles where each circle would take turns asking each other questions like, "What's the last movie you saw that you enjoyed?" or "Tell me about your favorite pet or a pet that you'd like to have in the future."
Fracture. It's like a long episode of Law & Order and Anthony Hopkins reprises his Hannibal Lector persona this time as a man who plots to kill his wife. But it was interesting and I liked it better than Ocean 13, which I saw more recently.
In the future, I'd like a pet dinosaur. Any species would have its benefits, really, but I think I'd either like one that is big enough to carry me to work.
I was actually impressed with how insightful some people were. At one point, we were sitting in small groups and one guy observed that when it comes to finding men who share his values, he notices that some people share some of his values but often it turns out that they lack something important. He implied an understanding of the difference between essential and optional values. It turns out that he's a social worker. I don't know what values he was talking about, but I was still surprised.
The speaker was... special.
At one point he wanted to demonstrate that you can meet people with shared values by attending events and activities for gay men who share interests. The example he gave was going to a bath house.
I'm not SO interested in booty bumps and anonymous sex, but I really would like to know where the gay Objectivist nuclear physicist triathletes meet. I've begun scouring the internet, but I suspect that the only group probably meets in Switzerland. And I think it's a secret because I haven't found anything yet.
Another oddball activity was when he asked us to bow to one another instead of shaking hands.
He called two men to the center of our circles to demonstrate how people bow.
Thanks to my multiple post-graduate degrees in bending at the waist, I felt well prepared for any pop quizzes on this topic, but it was nice to have a little refresher. The two men opted for the prayer hands plus bow movement and showed the group. Most people imitated this, but I went with the far more advanced Japanese-style bow with my hands relaxed by my side. Once, I even had my hands clasped behind my back. I wowed everyone when I combined a handshake -- quite against the rules -- with a bow. I'm a bad boy.
The reason he wanted us to bow was because he said it was "more intimate." He asked the two men who demonstrated the yoga bow and they assured us all that it was "much more intimate" to not touch one another and perform a culturally foreign action as a means of greeting. I assured those who received my bow that I did not find it more intimate, but I was too pre-occupied thinking about how cool it would be to have a pet dinosaur to fuss over it.
I had fun at this event, but I felt bad for some of the people there. Many of them were older men who, I think, came to this event immediately following group therapy. There was a lot of talk of damaged self-esteem and most unfortunate family situations that I felt were out of place.
Later we were directed to give our phone number or email to people. I ended up with seven numbers and I gave my email to three people.
Since I was there with a couple of friends, we went for drinks afterward and we were joined by one of the guys I gave my number to. He's cute and funny, so we'll see.
All in all, it wasn't a complete waste of time, although I don't think I will do that again. But one of my friends who was with me there wants to go to Qwikdates now. Is that any worse than trolling the internet? I will say that it's a lot more engaging than sitting in a dark, crowded, noisy bar.
June 13, 2007
But, of course, before I'd go out on a limb and ask him out, I had to ask him THE question. Here's the relevant excerpt:
Flibby: Do you believe in god?
Flibby: You haven't indicated your religion in your profile.
Attractive Stranger: oh yes but not in a very conventional sense of what that might mean to most people
Attractive Stranger: so not a christian
Attractive Stranger: and u
Flibby: No, I'm atheist.
Flibby: Which is why I asked.
Attractive Stranger: dont get me wrong christianity is really hot on the right guy
Attractive Stranger: not to worry
Attractive Stranger: were u raised as a southern baptist
Flibby: I was raised Pentecostal.
Attractive Stranger: oh my goodness
Flibby: slash Methodist.
Attractive Stranger: as in the texas Chain saw Mnethodist
Flibby: Well, sort of.
Attractive Stranger: now that was funny right
Flibby: heh heh heh... yes.
Attractive Stranger: ok
Attractive Stranger: just checking
Flibby: So, tell me this unconventional definition of god that you use.
Attractive Stranger: well if i had been raised as a penbtacostal that would have turned me into an atheist
Flibby: hahahahaaa... that's not why I'm atheist.
Attractive Stranger: God is not a person
Attractive Stranger: God is not a personality
Flibby: uh huh...
Attractive Stranger: but there is a pwer that revelas a pressence in the unfolding of things
Attractive Stranger: u really want to know
Attractive Stranger: its very hard to explain
Flibby: I imagine so.
Attractive Stranger: i have experienced the pressence in the unfolding of my life
Attractive Stranger: thus the power speaks into my life thru the venst of my life
Attractive Stranger: the events are the syllables
Attractive Stranger: the emssage is slowly unfolding
Attractive Stranger: and my typing sucks tonights
Attractive Stranger: sorry
Flibby: That seems like a sort of buddhist way of looking at things.
No matter how muddled one's definition of magic, these sorts of beliefs all amount to the same thing.
First, their view of the universe is precarious at best. Certainty, even in the basic facts of existence, is up for debate. Their ability to deal with the facts of reality is beyond their power.
Second, their method of coming to know anything is grasping at straws. When it comes to broad, foundational aspects of reality, they rely on faith. When it comes to facts outside of the range of their immediate experience, they rely primarily on authority, guessing, or probability and they often fail to integrate whatever facts they are pragmatically certain of with one another.
It's so frustrating to me.
Eran Dror recently advised me to constrain my search for romance to people in technical or scientific fields because of their reliance on rationality. In general, I think this is sound advice. I just wish it weren't so common everywhere else.
June 02, 2007
For as much chatting as we've done, I haven't quizzed him yet on my requirements. Even so, I agreed to go to dinner with him this evening and then go with him to a party.
Dinner was nice, but the party was a lot of fun. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
His friends are all fun, interesting, and very genuine.
It took a little bit to get used to the signing and the odd speech patterns, but I caught on before too long.
I thought it was funny how they would "whisper" by turning their back to you or stepping around a corner or in some cases just signing behind someone's head.
This guy I went on a date with speaks very well and there is only a slight imperfection.
Anyway, that was fun. At the party, there were many hilarious things that people said. This one lady was a real character. At one point, someone said that there is some sort of national championship for female ejaculation and she exclaimed, "You mean there is something else I could be winning?!?!"
It was disgusting and hilarious.
Well, she entered the party saying that she once threw a bowl of diarrhea from her window on the 10th floor. The followed that statement with: don't do drugs!
Later in the evening, we insisted that she explain.
To be continued...
May 20, 2007
I know there are people out there who believe in God and magic and all that crap, but how is it that there are so many? And how is it that so many GAY people believe in God after all the suffering in the name of said God?
It's ridiculous. Not just for those reasons, either. It's ridiculous for a whole host of other reasons.
I'm just irritated with how common it is here in the white-hot center of human civilization.
May 14, 2007
One of the things that I do not like about some people is their willingness to try to alleviate their own bad feelings by acting as if there is no cause for those bad feelings. I mean, if someone treats another someone badly, the first someone will often be very friendly to the second someone as if they both aren't aware of what happened in hopes of making the two of them feel better about the first's actions.
Why do this?
It would make ME feel better if he would simply say, "You know, I really wasn't that into you and I should have just come forth and said so. I'm sorry for withdrawing like I did."
I would say, "That's ok. Things like that happen. I probably could have just confronted you about it and put the issue to rest for both of us, rather than matching your strategy of not calling any more."
Because, really, I could have called him on it. That probably would have put this whole thing down. I didn't because I really didn't think our relationship warranted the extra effort. The message from him was clear. We weren't deeply involved-- in fact, we hadn't even reached the threshold of declaring the direction of our relationship and intentions for future commitment. So, it just wasn't serious enough to warrant a deep discussion on the matter.
Oh well. Spillt milk.
But last night, Frenchie sent me an email with a link to a funny YouTube video. On one of our dates, we watched SNL on television and laughed at one of the characters. It became a running joke between us. And he sent me a link to a YouTube video of that character.
Yeah, I get it. Hilarious.
But Double-yoo Tee Eff?
Anyway, I'm not responding to his note because I haven't anything to say about that. At this point, I'm not interested in dating him. I really just wish he'd stop contacting me and, if he does, don't pretend like we didn't date.
May 12, 2007
And by cute, I mean he's a total badass. He just happens to be kind of short, which is fine. Oh! And he's, like, 21 years old. That's not so fine. I hate to be considered an age-ist or anything like that, but I find older guys more attractive than younger guys. It's not so much a physical thing as a mental thing. I always think young guys are going to stir up trouble.
Well, this guy had me ignoring my generalizations about age and height and... pretty much everything.
Here's the problem: He's not gay.
Well, I think he's gay. He's very gay friendly and I'm sure he's a little more than just friendly, but I have a strict rule: I don't date non-gays.
I don't care what your flavor is. If it ain't gay, then I ain't got time for you.
And I think this guy will eventually come to the conclusion that he's gay. He's young. He has plenty of time.
That really doesn't help me at all, though.
There's a good chance that I will see him again soon. In spite of the rule, I find myself tempted to make a move. I could ask him if he's gay and just see what he says. I could just ask him out and see what he says.
But the rules are there for a reason. If he says he is gay, there's still the problem of his extremely young age. If he says he isn't gay, well, that's that. If he says he is willing to go out with me, we have the same issues.
I think I'm just going to leave this one alone. But it's still frustrating.
Update: Actually, I'm sure I'm going to leave this one alone. The rules are the rules for a reason.
It seemed alright. Nothing special. Just a different design as far as I could tell.
Well, it only matched me with one boy. Wonder of wonders he is my age. He's atheist (why are those so hard to find?) and his profile reflected a good sense of humor. He's cute. He has a real job i.e., not an actor, musician, or student. I don't think I've ever seen a better profile, actually.
So, I went to clickity-click and find out more and learned very quickly that Chemistry.com is distinct from Match.com in one important way: price.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before but I am stingy. I don't like paying for stuff like this. I mean, I can sort through a bunch of losers on gay.com and find perfectly nice people to chat with and, occasionally -- between explaining to people why I won't accept money for sex even if the would-be client is hot -- someone worth a date or two. And it is free.
I ate a can of cat food for $100. Just before we found out that Chinese people are taking revenge on us for our affinity for cheap sneakers by poisoning our pet food, even.
Rather than "stingy," let's say "thrifty."
But I really had to think about it because this boy looked to be cute as a button.
Well, that was several months ago and the other night, I was being thrifty on gay.com chatting with perverts and generally eroding my good faith in humanity by actually interacting with humanity ("free" isn't without its risks) when I got an instant message from -- you guessed it -- the Chemistry.com boy.
We chatted and it was fun. We buddy listed one another. We friended on MySpace. We agreed to meet for drinks.
Here's the catch: Boy is moving to Las Vegas in a week. Moving. Not just visiting.
Well, apart from being thrifty, one of my other traits is a near-foolish optimism about people and the general course of life. That is to say, I tend to think things will work themselves out.
I'm just waiting to be the perfect victim of some horrible crime. You'll see me on the news with curlers in my hair, a look of shock on my face, and a large blurry spot over my naughty bits. Watch for it. I'll YouTube it if someone can tell me how to do that.
Anyway, even though I knew he's moving, I agreed to meet up with him for dinner.
He is cute. Not exactly the sort I usually go for, but still attractive.
He is funny, although I think his nerves got the best of him and he was trying too hard. People react to stress in different ways. I tend to get quiet. He, apparently, becomes a chatterbox. I don't mind, that.
After a bit, we settled into a good conversational pattern. We laughed and carried on a bit. It was good.
Even if he weren't moving away, I don't think it was exactly a love connection.
For starters, he invited me back to his place. You might be thinking, "Score!" But I was thinking, "Those perverts on gay.com are right. I do look like a prostitute."
You'd think that moment would be both the climax and the end of the date and this story, but it's not.
When I declined his invitation to his apartment, he asked me to stay out a bit longer and go get a couple of drinks with him. I agreed since it was still pretty early -- although it was actually pretty late with it being a school night and all -- and I was enjoying myself.
So, we went and had a couple of drinks and continued our repartee and flirtations. And then the time came for me to head back over the river and get to bed. We chatted while we walked to the corner where we had to part ways and bid our adieus. I gave him a hug and thanked him for an enjoyable evening.
He asked, "Is that all we're going to do with this?"
I laughed, "What more is there to do?" I found the question a bit ridiculous. We're both fully aware of the fact that he's moving three quarters of the way across the continent in a few days. I couldn't imagine what more he could reasonably want.
Now, before you sniff and suggest I am naive, I will point out that rutting about like fevered animals is an option for some, but it isn't for me. I won't even consider making the beast with two backs and two horns with someone I've only just met and I am extending the benefit of the doubt to everyone else by assuming you -- and he -- would not regard it as a serious course of action in this context.
Well, the next day, he IMed me and the conversation was stilted and awkward. I couldn't think why, but I also couldn't pay attention to it because I was working. After a bit of chatter, he came down to the point.
"So, we hugged."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"A kiss is better."
The dude wanted me to kiss him and apparently he felt snubbed by my hug.
Well, I didn't kiss him because I didn't want to give him the impression that I intended more affection than I do. Basically, I didn't want to kiss him. Not because he isn't attractive and not because I didn't enjoy myself. But apart from the simple fact that I didn't feel romantically inclined toward him enough to make the move, I am also completely conscious of the fact that he's moving. It would be overhasty and foolish, I think, to launch a romance that is going to be thrown away or put on indefinite hiatus in just a few days.
I don't think "flings" are all that cool and I'm at a point in my life right now where I find sex too easy and therefore boring to pursue or even accept when offered outside of the potential for a serious relationship.
Perhaps I'm out of place in this city that is crawling with beautiful, gay men, but that's a possibility I'm willing to accept. But I'm not willing to ignore the obvious for the sake of someone else's ego.
April 23, 2007
At the time I thought that perhaps I should just come out and ask him about it, but we had been on so few dates and had no conversations about the direction of the budding/decaying relationship that I thought better of it. I didn't want my first conversation about the possibility of a relationship to be, "Why don't we ever talk?"
I'm a crazy person in romance, yes, but not THAT crazy.
So, a couple of weeks have gone by since I've seen or heard from him. I just figured it was over.
Well, he wrote me an email last night saying that he guesses that I must not be interested in him.
Doubleyoo Tee Eff?
I wrote back like, "I thought you weren't interested in me!" yadda yadda yadda
Anyway, we'll see what he says. I don't know if this lunacy is worth the effort.
I think if we do decide to go out again I'm going to wind up being far more "communicative" about these things.
Boys are such weirdos. If they weren't so adorable, I really don't think they would be worth the bother.
April 06, 2007
But I am getting the distinct impression that he just isn't that into me.
This will sound... all manner of ridiculous, but I've never had this happen before. I've always been the one to observe incompatibilities between myself and a potential mate and reject them, not the other way around.
I've certainly had those situations where we both decided at nearly the same time that it really won't work -- but this isn't one of those cases.
Of course, my dating and relationship experience is rather limited.
I think he's a nice guy and I'd like to spend more time getting to know him. But he's been rather distant and aloof of late. If this were his attitude from the start, I wouldn't likely think of it, but after our first few dates he was affectionate and sweet. I'm getting the distinct impression that this "affair" is winding to a close even before I thought it had really started.
Obviously, this isn't the end of the world or anything. It is something of a disappointment, though. Ces't la vie, non?
Update: When it comes to reading other people's minds I tend to second guess myself. Last night we talked about going to the movies tonight or tomorrow night. We agreed we would go tonight. He said, "Great! We'll chat tomorrow afternoon about what time."
I haven't heard from him at all today. No email. No text messages. No IM's. No voicemails. Not a peep. (Tis the season!)
I didn't expect to hear from him actually. As mentioned, I've noted that his behavior has grown somewhat distant. Yes, I could have taken the initiative and contacted him, but I think this adds to the evidence supporting my observation.
Yup. I think it's clear. He's just not that into me.
Update 2: So, when I didn't hear from him all day, I planned on spending my evening finishing my taxes and watching the SciFi channel. But my friend invited me to hang out with her this evening watching movies and eating Chinese food. I accepted her invitation and looked forward to having a girls' night in.
Well, at about 7, I was walking toward her apartment and my phone rings. It was Frenchie. And he wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movies with him tonight.
I apologized but declined the invitation because I had accepted other plans in absence of his confirmation.
He sounded disappointed, but we agreed to maybe go to the movies tomorrow night. I told him to call me. We'll see. Tomorrow night I'm planning on cleaning my apartment, finishing my taxes, and watching the SciFi channel.
March 24, 2007
I know, right?
He says being a rocket scientist is overrated, but I told him that most people don't rate science highly enough.
Last night, he and I did not discuss rocket science or anything, but I did ask him yesterday to make me an invisible rocket like Wonder Woman's jet because I was reading about some new material that does negative refraction. (It involves electrons and stuff.) He said it's outside, but, of course, I haven't seen it.
He's also French. Not that rip-off Canadian-Quebequois kind of French either. He's like right off the boat from Paris. This is neither a good nor a bad thing, but an interesting thing because I've never met any one who's French before.
I wish I spoke French.
He seems to have a good sense of humor, but I'm not sure I understand everything he's saying and I can't be sure he understands the subtlety of what I'm saying either. Although, I can't say that I'm really all that subtle.
He had a great plan for our first meeting/date, too. We went to the Buffy Sing-along. Could there be anything more fun and nutty for a first date? The only problem with that thing is that it takes place at midnight, which is very late in my opinion. I am not a night owl.
He taught me how to say "Vampire Slayer" in French. Tuer du Vampir. I don't know if I spelled that correctly, but I have been working hard on pronouncing that U properly. (From what I can tell, the French U is further back and near the roof of the mouth. It sounds like it's mixed with the American long E sound. Also, I didn't know this, but French T's seem to get "eaten" when they aren't at the front of a word. And ALSO I am going to guess that the unconjugated form of French verbs is used also for the gerund form of the same verb like in Spanish. Most of these points I'm guessing based on my English conversations with him, so I could be drawing conclusions without sufficient data.)
I noticed that he seems to have an iris coloboma. He didn't behave as if it affects his vision in any significant way, really, but I'm not an expert in such things. I had to figure out "coloboma" when I got home last night. (Thank you, Google!) And so I learned that iris colobomas are usually accompanied by retinal malformation as well. But I know he likes doing outdoor things like hiking and surfing, which would involve exposure to bright light, so... I dunno. I might ask him about it, but I don't know how sensitive he is to such things. It doesn't bother me, so I regard it merely as a topic of interest.
(It's rude to treat people like science projects, isn't it? Sorry. all )
Apart from that trivial malformation of the eye that actually took me all evening to notice, dude is hot. He's about as tall as I am. He has brown eyes and dark hair and a nice strong jaw. From what I could tell, his body is *well* fit, too!
Unlike the last guy, he is actually an atheist. I haven't completely sussed out his politics. He definitely leans left a bit, which I suppose isn't a surprise, but I'm not sure how much.
When I mentioned my thoughts on global warming, he didn't freak out or anything. He didn't even attempt to set me straight. I didn't really get into depth about it, but still. If someone says, "I don't care what causes global warming because I'm not worried about it either way," most people at least make a comment. I think maybe he thought I was joking.
I probably shouldn't blog about this. You know how the internet is and with the changes I mentioned before, he'll likely find out about this post. (Maybe I will hide this post when those changes are closer to reality.)
But I had such a nice time.
We sat very close to one another at the bar before the show and during the movie we kept doing the legs and arms touching thing. But as strange as it may sound, I don't really like for things to get too physical too quickly. (This isn't the first time I haven't even kissed on a first date-- although in this day and age, many people take my unwillingness to express physical affection as a snub rather than judging by my words and facial expression.)
But! We're going out to dinner tonight. I want to think of something else we can do together, too. I don't really feel like just going to dinner and then to a bar or something. I would much rather go somewhere that I can actually see him and hear him talk.
He's an interesting fellow and I'm happy to spend some time with him. We'll see how it goes!
March 05, 2007
I guess that makes light of something that really shouldn't be made light of. I certainly do care for The Cuban quite a bit and he cares quite a bit for me.
In the modern way of thinking, those feeling trump everything including petty things like ideology. But I'm not a modern thinker, am I? I'm thinking about the future.
Well, The Cuban and I have exchanged goodbye emails. My hope is that my note offers a little more explanation and parries a weak barb that he tossed at me in his.
He wrote his first. They're both in the extended entry.
February 24, 2007
I think that if you were serious about a relationship, it is next to impossible, if not impossible, to make a successful friendship out of it. Some people do it and do it often. I have no idea how because it makes no sense to me and I've never ever been able to make it work.
Well, The Cuban and I (so called because he is actually Cuban. Well, he's American, but first generation from some Cubans.) went to dinner and we had a fun time.
So, he invited me out to drinks with him and his best friend.
When we dated, The Cuban and I had a great time. We laughed a lot. We did fun things. We got along great. And I met his friends and they all loved me, especially his best friend. So, going out for drinks with them was not a weird request.
So, I went.
Weeeellllll, one thing led to another and we wound up talking about getting back together.
Why did we break up in the first place? Because he's a Christian. I always check before going out with someone or on the first date to make sure they don't believe in any hoobie-joobie mumbo jumbo garbage. I do not have time for it in my life.
Well, The Cuban led me to believe, perhaps unintentionally, that he was agnostic. I will grudgingly accept an agnostic if all other factors are in place. But he's not agnostic. The man is Catholic. He just doesn't go to Church.
I didn't really figure this out until after we dated for about a month and a half.
I know, you're thinking, "How do you miss a crucifix around someone's neck for SIX weeks?"
I didn't miss it. He never took it off! But when I asked him if he believed in God, he responded saying that he isn't religious. When I asked him why he wears a replica of a corpse affixed to an ancient execution device, he told me it was a family thing. I don't talk about religion very much and I also tend to be rather trusting of people to be forthright with things, so I didn't probe very much.
But it bugged me and I did wind up asking more questions and he admitted that he is Christian.
I dated him for a little while longer after that, but decided I couldn't take it.
He's a nice guy. We get along great, but there's more to a relationship than laughs and physical attraction.
I started worrying about our kids. What will they think when one daddy tells them not to believe in made-up magic crap and the other one is hanging corpses around their necks and flinging water in their faces?
An it's merely my own restraint and a sense of common courtesy that keeps me from openly deriding people's religions every time I encounter it. I work with a lot of Jews and Catholics, too, so I'm VERY restrained.
As I told another friend of mine, when times get hard, I don't want a man who will fall to his knees and pray, I want a man who will stand up for himself and kick some ass.
And forget the hard times. What about the good times? How can I possibly talk to a Christian about some esoteric point of science or economics or ethics or epistemology when I can't even trust his intellectual methodology? It makes no sense! Physicists don't call up L. Ron Hubbard (Yes, I know he's dead.) to see what he thinks of their experiment results.
So, that's why I won't date Christians and why I broke up with The Cuban.
Well, when I saw him again, I remembered all the things I enjoyed about him, but the inner conflict came back. How can I date someone with a fundamentally different view of reality? What is the best possible outcome for a relationship like that?
Well, I concluded that I can't. So, last night, via IM we got into it again and this time it's over for good, I think.
If you're at all interested, an excerpt from our chat appears in the extended entry.
February 16, 2007
January 18, 2007
On our second date, we went to dinner and we chatted more intensely. We had more in common, but several things not in common. He enjoys theater, musicals, and cabaret. I do not. He's Jewish, although it was unclear about whether or not he is a man of faith. We have similar career asperations and hopes for the future. We have similar outlook on romance.
At the end of the date, we went back up to his place "for a drink."
We were kissing and he broke our embrace to interject, "Dyou aw wewwy cyute."
"Dyou are wewwy cyute an' funny an' sweet. Dyou aw a vewwy special guy."
That's right. This grown man of nearly 40 years old was speaking to me, a man of nearly 30 years old with baby talk.
Now, I don't mind being called "baby" or "babe." I even use those terms of affection. But baby talk?
I also understand that when people are getting close or physically intimate, sometimes unusual behavior emerges. Sometimes people reveal aspects of their personality that aren't usually for public display. Personally, I become a silent man of action. I don't talk much in those situations at all, but some people get quite chatty and verbalize all sorts of things.
Baby talk was a first for me. It's disturbing.
What if we had gotten married and adopted a child?
Can you imagine walking in on your husband talking to your child in the same voice, saying some similar expressions to an infant that he uses with you while being physical intimate?
Imagine that your husband is the kind of guy who gets really raunchy in bed. The kind of guy who is like, "OH YEAH. YOU'RE SO @$#% HOT. GOD, YEAH. YOU'RE A NASTY BITCH. DADDY'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL REAL GOOD. OH YEAH."
And you walk in on him talking like that to a 9 month old infant.
It's completely inappropriate. I promise. I've never seen that happen, but I promise it would upset me.
So, there will be no more dates for Mister Babytalk. The cabaret stuff was bad enough, but I just can't bear the thought of being part of a pedophilia fantasy.
January 03, 2007
Friend: Flibby, let's stop kidding around.
Flibby: About what?
Friend: About you and me. Why are we trying to fool ourselves?
Things kind of went downhill from there.
January 01, 2007
I went to this party at a bar and it was all fun and everything. I was watching a drag show (I pretty good one, actually. She didn't even lip synch! She was ACTUALLY singing.) and there were these two people next to me, a guy and a girl.
And I struck up a conversation and it was fun and all and they actually wound up coming over and hanging out with me and my friends.
The guy was kind of cute, but also funny and smart. We exchanged Missy Elliot lyrics! "Long weave, sewed in. Say it again. Sewed in!" He's a law student somewhere. We'll call him Steve.
So, I'm flirting with him a little bit and debating about whether or not I should ask Steve out or give him my number or something. The problem was that we were hanging out and I kind of like to do that sort of thing before I leave. For some reason, asking someone out makes for some awkward pauses even if they say yes.
Well, we're chatting and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, this crazy lookin' guy comes up and says something to the Steve and they leave together. The crazy lookin' guy, we'll call the Good German, because he had that weird Euro look about him. It was like Euro plus Derelicte. Remember Zoolander? And it's not that he was dressed really badly, because I didn't notice that, but he had long, wiry blonde hair that looked like a wig to me. I actually wondered if he was a trannie. A homeless trannie.
Different strokes though, right?
I was like, "Whoa. That must have been a killer line." And I shrug and go on with the New Year's fun times.
I had to use the bathroom, so I get in line and the line is not moving. I look up and why isn't the line moving? Because Steve and the Good German were up front engaged in some SERIOUS tongue wrestling. The oral full nelson. Up on the ropes doing a flying body slam with the tonsils. You get the picture. AND they were backing up the line to the john, so, I walked around them.
When I go back to our friends, I told the female that I saw Steve and he's ok. He's just making out hard core with the Good German.
By the way, it turns out that the Good German was Israeli, not German.
Well, she's like, "Let's go get him."
So, we go to him and he's like, "Help me! Take me away!"
I laughed right in his face. I said, "You got yourself into this, bro, you have to get yourself out." (When I drink I turn into a frat boy. My apologies to everyone.)
Maybe I'm the jackass because I wouldn't lay down a cockblock for this stranger. But it's beyond a simple cockblock if dude has been making out for an hour an and half. That requires anullments and stuff, I think.
Well, the girl was nicer than me because she said to the Good Israeli German, "Nice to meet you!" and snatches Steve away and we return to our friends.
At this point, I'm getting ready to leave and the girl is like, "You should make your move now!"
But I'm like, "I'm not going to make a move. He was just with that other guy making out."
And she says, "So?"
And I said, "Well, if that's what he's into, that's his business, but I'm not interested."
The message was not very clear to her or him because I wound up having to excuse myself rather abruptly.
I have never in my life found myself making out with someone when I didn't want to. If I WERE in that situation where I was making out with someone and I decided I didn't want to make out anymore, I would just excuse myself and stop doing that. I don't require anyone to help me get away unless it's some kind of crazy rape situation and in that case, I would scream like Jaime Lee Curtis, not whisper, "Take me away." Besides, "Take me away" might send the wrong message to my rapist.
I can see it in court: "Not only was he dressed like he wanted it but he practically begged to be transported across state lines and sold to Wal-mart to make giant Tweety Bird T-shirts."
I just think it's kind of jackassy to take off to make out with some stranger and then ask ANOTHER stranger to help you get away from the stranger you chose to make out with and then to follow it up with some kind of wishful thinking that you're going to get a date later.
I'll tell you guys what I decided on my resolutions later. I need to go rest my hangover some more.
December 30, 2006
Well, we were sitting at our table in the restaurant and the ladies at the table next to us leaned over and said to my date, "Um. Has anyone told you that you look just like Wilmer Valderama?"
He said, "Yes. I hear it quite often."
He doesn't actually look like Wilmer Valderama. Yes, he has dark skin and dark hair. There is a slight similarity in their eyes and smile, but it's VERY slight.
Well, the women followed that up with, "You're not Wilmer, are you?"
And my date was completley confused by this. "Nooooo... ?"
We actually had a five minute conversation after that in which we had to pursuade these ladies that my date was not, in fact, Wilmer Valderama.
But I think it would be HILARIOUS if we turned up on a celebrity gossip website in the next couple of days. "Wilmer Valderama is gay!" "Wilmer dates mystery man!"
My date really wasn't amused. He thinks Wilmer Valderama is ugly. I thought it was hilarious.
December 04, 2006
1 - Noticeable, unavoidable disfigurement. Congenital or otherwise. All forms of dwarfism, burn victims, amputees (although, I am obliged that I would stay with an amputee, but I would not embark on a new relationship with an amputee.), thalidomide babies who've survived into adulthood, etc..
2 - Overt unattractive characteristics that aren't necessarily confined to disfigurement. Tourette's syndrome, extreme facial ticks, horrible speech impediments, halitosis, those people who smell like fish constantly, no teeth and no replacements.
3 - Extreme lack of personal care, hygiene, or care taken to one's appearance. This includes absolutely horrid haircuts, unbrushed teeth, body odor, ill-fitting or very poorly matched clothing, and obesity. Think Steve Urkel, Newman & George Costanza, Ugly Betty, Flava Flav, or homeless people. A make over might help someone like Steve Urkel or Ugly Betty, but if those people existed in reality, they would be so far gone that it would be pointless to attempt it.
At this point, I will say that anyone in the 3 category or below is fundamentally undateable as far as I'm concerned. 4's are the absolute minimum.
4 - This could be a person of average appearance who lacks a redeeming personal style or someone who is just unfortunately disposed by their DNA. These people usually have something about them that is attractive enough to focus on in order to date them and honestly admit some physical attraction. Many of these people can be made over to look better and given a sufficient budget and their willingness to cooperate, they could be pulled up quite high. She's the "ugly" girl in the movie who takes off her glasses and shakes her hair and suddenly has boobs and a wardrobe that is two sizes smaller. Also, Christopher Walken on his absolute best day, but at night in poor lighting.
5 - Average. This is a person that you might not notice on the street. If they're a likeable person, there would be no problems finding them physically attractive. They dress acceptably -- although discussions about how clothes are meant to fit may be in order -- and take care of their appearance through a good regimine of personal hygiene. 5's are respectable although not overtly impressive. It should be noted here that a good sense of humor can launch a 5 up to a 6 easily. Vince Vaughn, I'm talking to you, you big freak. Also, I put Lance Bass in this category, but some people, like Matt Chancellor, love that dude. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.
6 - Noticeable. Perhaps they dress well. Perhaps they just have really great eyes or a good smile and not much else. They're the kind of person you do a double take about and may not be able to decide if they're cute or not. The new James Bond guy is this way to me. He has killer eyes and nice lips, but sometimes looks really jacked up. Yeah, he has a great body, but the face can make or break a deal for me. I hate to say it, but Kevin Federline is also in this category. His personal style is completely dragging him down, but he can actually clean up nicely. If it weren't for his unfortunate taste, he might even be a 7 or an 8, but at this point in time, the merest suggestion is crazy talk. You're used to crazy talk from me, right?
I think a majority of the men and women that I see in a given day are either 5's or 6's. I tend to even think that there are more 6's than 5's.
7 - Attractive. Most people, regardless of their sexual orientation, can identify this person as being arguably attractive. You don't have to like them personally, but you can see that many people probably find them sexy. Michael Vartan is here when he's having a bad hair day and is lacking a tan and maybe got beat up. RE: recent photos I've seen of him. Reichen Lehmkuhl is solidly in this category for me, but his skeleton eyes drag him down most of the time. I'm not a fan of Johnny Depp, personally, so when I put him in this category, I can understand if some would challenge this.
8 - Hot/Very Attractive. This is a person that, if you get a date with them, you may find yourself doing one of the various dances that SEC football players get fined for "excessive celebration." They dress well. They smell good. They have good genes. They have great jeans. They have good hair and good posture. If you're like me, you stare at these people from across the bar and look away quickly if they look at you and you never go over and talk to them because you have this delusion that they're actually pod people trying to lure you into donating your DNA to their scheme to take over the planet. Or something. Michael Vartan is usually here. If you land someone who is consistently an 8, you have a hot boyfriend or girlfriend, which reminds me of a song.
"If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life..."
9 - Steaming Hot. Dreamy. Smokin'! This is where the hottest people I've ever seen in real life usually fall. I also put celebrities like Sean Ashmore, Matthew McConaughey, and Ryan Reynolds in this category. These folks are hot and debating whether or not they're objectively hot is an exercise in idiocy. If you don't recognize their hotness, you need to be kept off the streets with significant amounts of anti-psychotics. Do not operate heavy machinery.
10 - Ideal. This is the level of attractiveness that almost doesn't exist. ALMOST. It does, though. I used to work with this man whose only shortcoming was that he was only about 5'6". I didn't care because I, literally, could not speak to him for months. Once, I walked in on him rubbing aloe lotion on his torso in the bathroom because he was sunburned. I almost passed out. I'm not kidding. I almost threw up, too. Brad Pitt. Hugh Jackman. Justin Timberlake.
The point system is somewhat subjective. Not much, though. I mean, you might be physically attracted to thalidomide babies and midgets, but that's not right. Most people are not on the same page with you and there is no reason why they should be.
It's also important to point out that if you become emotionally involved with someone, romantically or even just friends, your rating of that person will likely shift upward, which is understandable.
So, there you have it.
I think I'm solidly a 7. Sometimes when I'm tired and have bad skin or something, I may fall down to a 6. On my best days, I think I manage an 8. With some photoshop work, I'll bet I could make it to a 9.
I'm not saying I'm super hot or anything although I'm reasonably attractive. I'd say I'm a 7, maybe an 8 on a really good day.
Anyway, maybe I'll talk about that more later. But Mr. 3 says this to me today:
Flibby: Conan O'Brian...
Ugly Dude: oh yeah, not so much a fan
Ugly Dude: he is weird looking, I have trouble watching
Well, except for all the speeching I'm doing right now.
October 20, 2006
Scene: The subway station at 23rd and 8th
Flibby - A dashing and completely sober young man
Kenny - A stocky, stoned and very drunk guy of about the same age
Kenny: What's your name?
Flibby: I'm sorry?
Kenny: What's your name?
Flibby: Nice t' meetcha.
Kenny: You gay?
Flibby: Heh. Yeah.
Kenny: Me, too.
Kenny: Where do you live?
Flibby: Hell's Kitchen.
Flibby: Hell's Kitchen.
Kenny: I'm just waiting for the train.
Flibby: Yup. Me, too.
Kenny: I pissed my pants.
Kenny: ha ha ha I pissed my pants ha ha ha
Flibby: Damn, dude.
[The A Train arrives]
Flibby: Well, here it is.
Kenny: Oh? What is this?
Kenny: Well, I'll see you.
[Train doors close and the two part ways]
See there? I totally could have had a new boyfriend right there. But noooo... he was "'too drunk" and "too stoned" and "too covered in his own urine."
Clearly, I'm too picky about these things.
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