September 22, 2008
Not a Match
I had a funny interaction with this fellow from the Atlasphere. His profile didn't reveal much about his personality. It was terse and nondescript. He was just outside of the range of acceptable age, but he had a photo that was handsome even if at an odd angle and a bit blurry.
Anyway, I sent him an email saying that I was interested in chatting and he sent me a terse note back saying, "give a call," followed by his phone number.
That's very strange to me and not just for the lack of capitalization and punctuation.
I thought about it and decided I would wait and call him today after work, so I sent him an email asking a few friendly questions and telling him I would call the next day.
He responded asking for a photo of me because he wasn't a paying member of the Atlasphere and so could not see my pictures. I sent him links to my Facebook page and my blog which has videos.
I never really worry about sending "good" pictures because my looks are sufficiently within the range of "good looking" as to appeal to a broad population. Even if you have a particular type you're attracted to, I generally offer some amount of appeal. And if you're an Objectivist trying to date Objectivists, well, then you could do far worse than me in the looks department given the limited availability.
(Was all of that indirectly vain enough for you to understand that I am aware of the fact that I'm attractive to most people?)
Anyway, he writes back, "not a match, but very best to you and good luck!"
I just have to laugh at this because what on earth could he be looking for in a mate? Because of the lack of information in his profile, I can't really begin to speculate about where the incompatibility lies. Of course, I imagine that he's looking for someone with a unicorn horn or walks about in a haze of glitter and sparkles. (Who isn't looking for that, really?)
On the other hand, I absolutely love this exchange. It was simple, direct, and efficient. I wish everyone where that way!
So, on Atlasphere, I met one nice guy who is now geographically incompatible, I got shot down by one mystery fellow, and the third person I wrote to hasn't responded. That isn't a very good track record for a dating site!
Anyway, I sent him an email saying that I was interested in chatting and he sent me a terse note back saying, "give a call," followed by his phone number.
That's very strange to me and not just for the lack of capitalization and punctuation.
I thought about it and decided I would wait and call him today after work, so I sent him an email asking a few friendly questions and telling him I would call the next day.
He responded asking for a photo of me because he wasn't a paying member of the Atlasphere and so could not see my pictures. I sent him links to my Facebook page and my blog which has videos.
I never really worry about sending "good" pictures because my looks are sufficiently within the range of "good looking" as to appeal to a broad population. Even if you have a particular type you're attracted to, I generally offer some amount of appeal. And if you're an Objectivist trying to date Objectivists, well, then you could do far worse than me in the looks department given the limited availability.
(Was all of that indirectly vain enough for you to understand that I am aware of the fact that I'm attractive to most people?)
Anyway, he writes back, "not a match, but very best to you and good luck!"
I just have to laugh at this because what on earth could he be looking for in a mate? Because of the lack of information in his profile, I can't really begin to speculate about where the incompatibility lies. Of course, I imagine that he's looking for someone with a unicorn horn or walks about in a haze of glitter and sparkles. (Who isn't looking for that, really?)
On the other hand, I absolutely love this exchange. It was simple, direct, and efficient. I wish everyone where that way!
So, on Atlasphere, I met one nice guy who is now geographically incompatible, I got shot down by one mystery fellow, and the third person I wrote to hasn't responded. That isn't a very good track record for a dating site!
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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September 02, 2008
On Dating Only Objectivists
The question has been posed about whether or not it is wise or rational to restrict my dating to Objectivists only.
I used to hold out hope for what I refer to as OWAR: Objectivists Without Ayn Rand. These are people who live like Objectivists, without actually calling themselves Objectivists. Perhaps they haven't even read Ayn Rand. But they try to practice reason. They're honest people and they live for their own happiness.
The most hard-to-find characteristic even among that group of people is a willingness to shed ideas that are proven false. I've only seen that characteristic among people who are, in my opinion, too young for me to date.
Such people most certainly do exist, but they're troublesome to locate and identify. I'm open to dating them, I suppose, but in a directed search for compatible mates, I've found that going on dates with people out of optimism is expensive and boring. Sometimes, that practice even makes me angry because I can't believe how wrong some people are.
I have several basic fundamental requirements for people I date.
It is absolutely necessary for a person I date to be an atheist. I will not date someone who even describes themselves as "spiritual" or agnostic. These people are irritating epistemologically. The irritating part comes not from the questions or arguments they pose, but their smug attitude as they regard themselves as clever and insightful. They're neither.
But I don't want to date someone who is going to talk about philosophy with me all the time. I do expect someone to be able to talk about philosophical ideas from time to time, though. If I can't be assured that someone is starting from the right basic premises, then I can be certain that discussions with them will run afield of the truth.
It is absolutely necessary for someone I date to be utterly and totally convinced of the moral rightness -- and therefore practical efficacy and efficiency -- of free markets. I will brook no compromise here. I will not date anyone who is enamored of either major party. You might dislike one more than the other, but hate is easy and love is telling.
This isn't because I like to talk about politics or economics all the time. But I'm a businessman and I want to date someone else who supports my career. Without reservations like "the man" or "being oppressed by the system" or "the greater good."
I usually never get beyond those two ideological requirements, but I do also have an aesthetic requirement. I never bring that up because, frankly, if you like Anne Rice novels or Jackson Pollock paintings, it's probably already clear that we're not going to get along.
Really, it just boils down to the fact that I want to be unreserved in my love for a man.
I've dated men who are rational in many things, but believe in some kind of undefined higher power. I've dated men who are atheists, but support socialized medicine and coercive taxation. I've dated other combinations, but in all cases I've had to dump them because I've felt uneasy with them. I felt I was constantly insulting their deeply-held beliefs or being assaulted by their political affiliations. I felt uninspired by their dim view of humanity and the universe. I felt lots of things all amounting to a general sense of incompatibility.
I know that getting to know someone takes time and effort. You have to work up to the point where you feel comfortable speaking your mind on any and all topics. You have to find the peculiar way of expression that works best for both of you. But who wants to be in a month or more into a relationship and then find out that you're with someone who believes that the universe is fundmentally unknowable or refers to something called "truth" as if it's china and everyone's entitled to a style of their own? I certainly don't. Hell, I don't even want to get into the middle of a first date and find that out, really, but it's better to find out sooner rather than later.
I was also asked if I want to date someone who agrees with everything I say.
That is a loaded question, predicated by the assumption that there are just two options: either complete agreement or utter disagreement. I think we all know that neither case actually exists.
I expect to share with my mate complete agreement on basic premises and principles. I do not expect to share with my mate agreement on every personal taste and preference. I expect him to have his own hobbies, likes, and dislikes. I expect him to have his own reasons for things and I expect him to tell me what they are. That's what I expect of myself for him as well. And sometimes our interests will overlap.
Further, even above these basic philosophical items, I do also demand compatibility with my daily life and my general sense of life.
I used to hold out hope for what I refer to as OWAR: Objectivists Without Ayn Rand. These are people who live like Objectivists, without actually calling themselves Objectivists. Perhaps they haven't even read Ayn Rand. But they try to practice reason. They're honest people and they live for their own happiness.
The most hard-to-find characteristic even among that group of people is a willingness to shed ideas that are proven false. I've only seen that characteristic among people who are, in my opinion, too young for me to date.
Such people most certainly do exist, but they're troublesome to locate and identify. I'm open to dating them, I suppose, but in a directed search for compatible mates, I've found that going on dates with people out of optimism is expensive and boring. Sometimes, that practice even makes me angry because I can't believe how wrong some people are.
I have several basic fundamental requirements for people I date.
It is absolutely necessary for a person I date to be an atheist. I will not date someone who even describes themselves as "spiritual" or agnostic. These people are irritating epistemologically. The irritating part comes not from the questions or arguments they pose, but their smug attitude as they regard themselves as clever and insightful. They're neither.
But I don't want to date someone who is going to talk about philosophy with me all the time. I do expect someone to be able to talk about philosophical ideas from time to time, though. If I can't be assured that someone is starting from the right basic premises, then I can be certain that discussions with them will run afield of the truth.
It is absolutely necessary for someone I date to be utterly and totally convinced of the moral rightness -- and therefore practical efficacy and efficiency -- of free markets. I will brook no compromise here. I will not date anyone who is enamored of either major party. You might dislike one more than the other, but hate is easy and love is telling.
This isn't because I like to talk about politics or economics all the time. But I'm a businessman and I want to date someone else who supports my career. Without reservations like "the man" or "being oppressed by the system" or "the greater good."
I usually never get beyond those two ideological requirements, but I do also have an aesthetic requirement. I never bring that up because, frankly, if you like Anne Rice novels or Jackson Pollock paintings, it's probably already clear that we're not going to get along.
Really, it just boils down to the fact that I want to be unreserved in my love for a man.
I've dated men who are rational in many things, but believe in some kind of undefined higher power. I've dated men who are atheists, but support socialized medicine and coercive taxation. I've dated other combinations, but in all cases I've had to dump them because I've felt uneasy with them. I felt I was constantly insulting their deeply-held beliefs or being assaulted by their political affiliations. I felt uninspired by their dim view of humanity and the universe. I felt lots of things all amounting to a general sense of incompatibility.
I know that getting to know someone takes time and effort. You have to work up to the point where you feel comfortable speaking your mind on any and all topics. You have to find the peculiar way of expression that works best for both of you. But who wants to be in a month or more into a relationship and then find out that you're with someone who believes that the universe is fundmentally unknowable or refers to something called "truth" as if it's china and everyone's entitled to a style of their own? I certainly don't. Hell, I don't even want to get into the middle of a first date and find that out, really, but it's better to find out sooner rather than later.
I was also asked if I want to date someone who agrees with everything I say.
That is a loaded question, predicated by the assumption that there are just two options: either complete agreement or utter disagreement. I think we all know that neither case actually exists.
I expect to share with my mate complete agreement on basic premises and principles. I do not expect to share with my mate agreement on every personal taste and preference. I expect him to have his own hobbies, likes, and dislikes. I expect him to have his own reasons for things and I expect him to tell me what they are. That's what I expect of myself for him as well. And sometimes our interests will overlap.
Further, even above these basic philosophical items, I do also demand compatibility with my daily life and my general sense of life.
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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September 01, 2008
The Atlasphere
I've been feeling very cynical lately about dating. I've never dated an Objectivist before, but my experience dating non-Objectivists and near-Objectivists has left me feeling pretty jaded about my prospects.
I'm can accept that I'm a difficult person to match, but online dating sites say they can do it, so I expect them to do it. I haven't paid for subscriptions to other sites because every time I look at the alleged "matches" I get results that are so inappropriate as to be laughable. For example, Match.com asks me about my religion. Atheist. Check! How important is it to me? So important that I'd rather shave my eyebrows off with a belt sander than date someone who believes in magic. Check! Then, they send me an email with my matches and there's a Mormon in there.
It really seems like finding a man who is both rational (read: Objectivist) and physically attractive AND also compatible with me along other criteria is extremely improbable. I'm not willing to give any of that up. Because let's do be clear: I've met men who are physically attractive, but not philosophically attractive. I've met men who are philosophically attractive and physically attractive, but not well-disposed to dating me due to geography, age, occupation, interests, or even just personality. I need it all.
I don't even care to guess at the odds of meeting a match, though. Thinking about those odds has never really bothered me before. I think the fact that when I lived in Georgia, I didn't often see physically attractive men, it didn't bother me as much. I think I imagined that there were lots of people around who were intellectual matches, but there wasn't any reason to find out if I am not even physically attracted to them. Here in NYC, there is no shortage of attractive men, but that immediately opens the door to judging them on other criteria. What I've found is that there are a lot of numbskulls and jackasses out there.
While I've been saying, "Oh, I don't want to date," the reality is that I would really very much like to date. I am just really tired of terrible people. I haven't identified yet why I even bother thinking about them at all. At this moment, my best guess is that it's because they're all over the place and lots of them are really hot.
I don't know what made me think of it, but when I came home, I went to The Atlasphere to see if there was anyone there who might be a good match. I've been there before and looked at profiles, but I haven't seen anyone who really interested me. But this evening, I saw two or three people who looked cool, so I actually signed up for the service and emailed two of them. I will contemplate emailing the third one.
This may turn out to be a waste, but I guess it did make me think a little better of my dating prospects.
I thought I was fine with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. But I think the person who has actually accepted that possibility doesn't spend so much time thinking about his prospects at all. In the past, I think I've managed this just due to my generally positive outlook on the topic, but recently my frustration about it has gotten the better of me.
Every is implies and ought. I do want to date, so I ought to get out there and look where dates can be found.
So, we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, this one guy will write back to me soon and take me up on my request for a meeting even though I don't have the brown eyes he likes.
I'm can accept that I'm a difficult person to match, but online dating sites say they can do it, so I expect them to do it. I haven't paid for subscriptions to other sites because every time I look at the alleged "matches" I get results that are so inappropriate as to be laughable. For example, Match.com asks me about my religion. Atheist. Check! How important is it to me? So important that I'd rather shave my eyebrows off with a belt sander than date someone who believes in magic. Check! Then, they send me an email with my matches and there's a Mormon in there.
It really seems like finding a man who is both rational (read: Objectivist) and physically attractive AND also compatible with me along other criteria is extremely improbable. I'm not willing to give any of that up. Because let's do be clear: I've met men who are physically attractive, but not philosophically attractive. I've met men who are philosophically attractive and physically attractive, but not well-disposed to dating me due to geography, age, occupation, interests, or even just personality. I need it all.
I don't even care to guess at the odds of meeting a match, though. Thinking about those odds has never really bothered me before. I think the fact that when I lived in Georgia, I didn't often see physically attractive men, it didn't bother me as much. I think I imagined that there were lots of people around who were intellectual matches, but there wasn't any reason to find out if I am not even physically attracted to them. Here in NYC, there is no shortage of attractive men, but that immediately opens the door to judging them on other criteria. What I've found is that there are a lot of numbskulls and jackasses out there.
While I've been saying, "Oh, I don't want to date," the reality is that I would really very much like to date. I am just really tired of terrible people. I haven't identified yet why I even bother thinking about them at all. At this moment, my best guess is that it's because they're all over the place and lots of them are really hot.
I don't know what made me think of it, but when I came home, I went to The Atlasphere to see if there was anyone there who might be a good match. I've been there before and looked at profiles, but I haven't seen anyone who really interested me. But this evening, I saw two or three people who looked cool, so I actually signed up for the service and emailed two of them. I will contemplate emailing the third one.
This may turn out to be a waste, but I guess it did make me think a little better of my dating prospects.
I thought I was fine with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. But I think the person who has actually accepted that possibility doesn't spend so much time thinking about his prospects at all. In the past, I think I've managed this just due to my generally positive outlook on the topic, but recently my frustration about it has gotten the better of me.
Every is implies and ought. I do want to date, so I ought to get out there and look where dates can be found.
So, we'll see how it goes. Hopefully, this one guy will write back to me soon and take me up on my request for a meeting even though I don't have the brown eyes he likes.
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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