June 28, 2007
"Q: Is masturbation sex…?
A: Yes it is Sex; sex is any contact with and pleasure from the genitals. It does not say what form of contact – despite our president [Clinton] – and it does not say who or whether it’s you yourself. If you get pleasure from scratching your back, that is not sex… but if it’s the right area, it is!”
(note also that the "despite our president" comment got big laughs")
As a friend of mine in college used to say: "Don't be dumb. Get you some."
June 27, 2007
Well, remember my ex who did his cry- for- attention- faux- suicide attempt?
At the end of that incident, I told him to never speak to me again.
Last night, that fool sent me an instant message. I didn't save the conversation, but I wish I had so I could share it with you guys.
It went something like this:
Him: I got beat by a drag queen.
Me: Seriously, never talk to me again.
Me: No, not whatever. You need to understand that I don't want you to ever talk to me again.
Me: Are we clear on this?
He also swore at me and called me ugly names. But he stopped talking to me.
I THINK I'm finally rid of him. Only time will tell.
June 26, 2007
Objectivism's view toward romantic and ideal sex is one of breathless reverence for a sublime greatness
June 25, 2007
He was really sweet and sexy and I really enjoyed many things about him, but we had some ideological differences that really bothered me and I felt like we were lacking an intellectual connection. So, we broke up.
But I do miss him. I miss all the good things that made me date him in the first place.
I saw him Friday night while hunting for a bar that wasn't too dark, too loud, too crowded, or too expensive. And it was really nice to see him even if it was only for five seconds.
Well, that brief encounter then lead to a text message exchange on Saturday.
This will totally sound like a lie, but it's not, I actually thought he was someone else sending me a text message (one of the cute guys I met Friday), so I was kind of flirty. Even after I realized it was him, though the conversation continued a little longer. It was kind of hard to not respond when I had been texting him all evening.
Eventually, I did just stop responding, though. And today he sent me an email saying it was nice to "talk" to me.
I have to say: this is one of the more difficult aspects of my strict dating policies. I have good reasons for dating the people I've dated and I'm not confused or unclear about them. I also have good reasons for not dating them any more and they are equally clear.
The decision I make about the relationship is a direction function of my hierarchy of values and it wouldn't make any sense for me to try to go against that. But I still have a little internal conflict on the situation.
I mention all of this only to highlight the fact that being a rational human being doesn't mean that one has no conflict. Just because you know the moral thing to do doesn't mean that you are blind to the possible (limited-range) value of the alternative. The difference is that one recognizes the greater value in acting rationally and morally.
Sure, I could probably call up The Cuban and ask him for a date and he'd probably say yes. But that is obviously not the best decision to make. So, at this point I'm not even responding to his recent note. There's nothing to gain by it.
Erosophia is written by a couple, Jason and Megan. It seems interesting, but I'd like to see where it goes. They seem like they're still trying to find their own style and voice.
Ergo of Ergosum is TOTALLY picking fights with them now. Or maybe Jason is picking fights with Ergo. I don't know.
I don't know who started this but it's all I can do not to make jokes about Ergo and Jason settling their dispute by dousing themselves in baby oil and wrestling it out gentlemen, but I have no idea how anyone would take that so I have to content myself with making a list of ways to pick fights with Brad Pitt. Actually, the fight picking list goes with a separate list of which Brad Pitt is just one option.
I blogged on a portion of Ergo's post over on my other blog, but I haven't been able to migrate my old posts yet. Ergo and I are also in the middle of a little email conversation on the topic as well.
I will admit: when I first read his post on the topic, I really wasn't clear on Ergo's actual position. It appeared to me that he was advocating "friends with benefits." After mulling the topic over with my readers, I came to the conclusion that "f!bomb buddies" and the like are generally immoral.
But I've also had the benefit of Ergo's own clarifications and I don't think he actually supports that.
I believe his argument is simply that there isn't some sort of crazy categorical imperative against sex without Love. There are lots and lots of situations that one can imagine that one might be in that would make sex with someone one doesn't Love the perfectly moral thing to do.
One situation is the case of Kira and Andre in We the Living. Kira does not love Andre. I think she learns to admire him some, but her love goes to Leo. Her reason for having sex with Andre is so that she can save Leo's life. Given their situation, Kira's actions are moral.
Obviously, most people do not find themselves in an oppressive socialist system where their lover is dying and the only available means of saving them is prostituting themselves to a leader of that oppressive system of government. That, my friends, is drama. DRAMA.
A more common situation might be one where one lives in a community where none of the available mates are ideal, so one is left to choose someone who is as good as possible. It may be argued that such a situation represents the individual "settling" for a lesser value, but bear in mind that no higher value is present. It would be inhumane to subject one's self to a life of celibacy when there are willing, not-offensive partners available. Naturally, if the ideal person does show up, one would drop the lesser to have the better, but we can't possibly expect that poor person to know that their ideal would arrive when all signs point to lifelong loneliness. It would be moral given the context of the decision for such a person to choose a mate of the available partners knowing full well that the highest level of Love is not available to them.
We can also think of an even less depressing and far more common scenario: dating. Let's say you find someone who is attractive and willing. You start dating them and every sign indicates that this person is a wonderful person and your relationship may one day develop into one of mutual respect, admiration, love, and reverence. But prior to realizing this deep love, you might choose to have sex with that person. It's a risk because you might break up. They might turn out to be a schmuck. Obviously, you don't want them to be a schmuck and you wouldn't want to have sex with them if you know they'll reveal themselves to be a schmuck, but neither would you save yourself for marriage.
And before I wrap up, I want to mention another situation in which sex happens but you're not in love: masturbation. I count masturbation as sex. We might stretch the definition of Love to say that one is loving one's self, but throughout this discussion we haven't used the word in that way.
So, anyway, the point here is that there are lot of cases in which one might have sex without love and still not be immoral.
This doesn't mean that one is going to go about being a rapist or that one is being an intrinsicist for advocating sex with one's ideal partner.
From what I can tell we're all on the same page here, but if folks have to get rowdy about it, I guess that's what they'll do. Who needs more baby oil?
June 23, 2007
It was... special.
At one point, we were arranged into two concentric circles where each circle would take turns asking each other questions like, "What's the last movie you saw that you enjoyed?" or "Tell me about your favorite pet or a pet that you'd like to have in the future."
Fracture. It's like a long episode of Law & Order and Anthony Hopkins reprises his Hannibal Lector persona this time as a man who plots to kill his wife. But it was interesting and I liked it better than Ocean 13, which I saw more recently.
In the future, I'd like a pet dinosaur. Any species would have its benefits, really, but I think I'd either like one that is big enough to carry me to work.
I was actually impressed with how insightful some people were. At one point, we were sitting in small groups and one guy observed that when it comes to finding men who share his values, he notices that some people share some of his values but often it turns out that they lack something important. He implied an understanding of the difference between essential and optional values. It turns out that he's a social worker. I don't know what values he was talking about, but I was still surprised.
The speaker was... special.
At one point he wanted to demonstrate that you can meet people with shared values by attending events and activities for gay men who share interests. The example he gave was going to a bath house.
I'm not SO interested in booty bumps and anonymous sex, but I really would like to know where the gay Objectivist nuclear physicist triathletes meet. I've begun scouring the internet, but I suspect that the only group probably meets in Switzerland. And I think it's a secret because I haven't found anything yet.
Another oddball activity was when he asked us to bow to one another instead of shaking hands.
He called two men to the center of our circles to demonstrate how people bow.
Thanks to my multiple post-graduate degrees in bending at the waist, I felt well prepared for any pop quizzes on this topic, but it was nice to have a little refresher. The two men opted for the prayer hands plus bow movement and showed the group. Most people imitated this, but I went with the far more advanced Japanese-style bow with my hands relaxed by my side. Once, I even had my hands clasped behind my back. I wowed everyone when I combined a handshake -- quite against the rules -- with a bow. I'm a bad boy.
The reason he wanted us to bow was because he said it was "more intimate." He asked the two men who demonstrated the yoga bow and they assured us all that it was "much more intimate" to not touch one another and perform a culturally foreign action as a means of greeting. I assured those who received my bow that I did not find it more intimate, but I was too pre-occupied thinking about how cool it would be to have a pet dinosaur to fuss over it.
I had fun at this event, but I felt bad for some of the people there. Many of them were older men who, I think, came to this event immediately following group therapy. There was a lot of talk of damaged self-esteem and most unfortunate family situations that I felt were out of place.
Later we were directed to give our phone number or email to people. I ended up with seven numbers and I gave my email to three people.
Since I was there with a couple of friends, we went for drinks afterward and we were joined by one of the guys I gave my number to. He's cute and funny, so we'll see.
All in all, it wasn't a complete waste of time, although I don't think I will do that again. But one of my friends who was with me there wants to go to Qwikdates now. Is that any worse than trolling the internet? I will say that it's a lot more engaging than sitting in a dark, crowded, noisy bar.
June 13, 2007
But, of course, before I'd go out on a limb and ask him out, I had to ask him THE question. Here's the relevant excerpt:
Flibby: Do you believe in god?
Flibby: You haven't indicated your religion in your profile.
Attractive Stranger: oh yes but not in a very conventional sense of what that might mean to most people
Attractive Stranger: so not a christian
Attractive Stranger: and u
Flibby: No, I'm atheist.
Flibby: Which is why I asked.
Attractive Stranger: dont get me wrong christianity is really hot on the right guy
Attractive Stranger: not to worry
Attractive Stranger: were u raised as a southern baptist
Flibby: I was raised Pentecostal.
Attractive Stranger: oh my goodness
Flibby: slash Methodist.
Attractive Stranger: as in the texas Chain saw Mnethodist
Flibby: Well, sort of.
Attractive Stranger: now that was funny right
Flibby: heh heh heh... yes.
Attractive Stranger: ok
Attractive Stranger: just checking
Flibby: So, tell me this unconventional definition of god that you use.
Attractive Stranger: well if i had been raised as a penbtacostal that would have turned me into an atheist
Flibby: hahahahaaa... that's not why I'm atheist.
Attractive Stranger: God is not a person
Attractive Stranger: God is not a personality
Flibby: uh huh...
Attractive Stranger: but there is a pwer that revelas a pressence in the unfolding of things
Attractive Stranger: u really want to know
Attractive Stranger: its very hard to explain
Flibby: I imagine so.
Attractive Stranger: i have experienced the pressence in the unfolding of my life
Attractive Stranger: thus the power speaks into my life thru the venst of my life
Attractive Stranger: the events are the syllables
Attractive Stranger: the emssage is slowly unfolding
Attractive Stranger: and my typing sucks tonights
Attractive Stranger: sorry
Flibby: That seems like a sort of buddhist way of looking at things.
No matter how muddled one's definition of magic, these sorts of beliefs all amount to the same thing.
First, their view of the universe is precarious at best. Certainty, even in the basic facts of existence, is up for debate. Their ability to deal with the facts of reality is beyond their power.
Second, their method of coming to know anything is grasping at straws. When it comes to broad, foundational aspects of reality, they rely on faith. When it comes to facts outside of the range of their immediate experience, they rely primarily on authority, guessing, or probability and they often fail to integrate whatever facts they are pragmatically certain of with one another.
It's so frustrating to me.
Eran Dror recently advised me to constrain my search for romance to people in technical or scientific fields because of their reliance on rationality. In general, I think this is sound advice. I just wish it weren't so common everywhere else.
June 02, 2007
For as much chatting as we've done, I haven't quizzed him yet on my requirements. Even so, I agreed to go to dinner with him this evening and then go with him to a party.
Dinner was nice, but the party was a lot of fun. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
His friends are all fun, interesting, and very genuine.
It took a little bit to get used to the signing and the odd speech patterns, but I caught on before too long.
I thought it was funny how they would "whisper" by turning their back to you or stepping around a corner or in some cases just signing behind someone's head.
This guy I went on a date with speaks very well and there is only a slight imperfection.
Anyway, that was fun. At the party, there were many hilarious things that people said. This one lady was a real character. At one point, someone said that there is some sort of national championship for female ejaculation and she exclaimed, "You mean there is something else I could be winning?!?!"
It was disgusting and hilarious.
Well, she entered the party saying that she once threw a bowl of diarrhea from her window on the 10th floor. The followed that statement with: don't do drugs!
Later in the evening, we insisted that she explain.
To be continued...
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