January 25, 2009
January 24, 2009
Overheard in a Party
Flibbert: How come when my room is blazing hot, no air comes through the window to cool things off, but when it's cold in there, it blows a lot?
Party-Goer: God hates you.
Flibbert: If that's the case, I would think the Devil would do something to correct it.
Roommate: But you don't believe in the Devil.
Flibbert: No, but assuming they do exist, the Devil should want to help me continue in my disbelief. The best thing the Devil has going for him is the complete and utter lack of evidence for God. So, he needs to get on it and make my room comfortable!
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
09:19 AM
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1
For those who think my initial comment is a little crazy, you're right. I was complaining (and in order to complain had to start with a premise contrary to reality about the cause and effect of my room's temperature) just to make conversation.
Posted by: Flibbert at January 24, 2009 09:23 AM (Cniw0)
2
oh boy, careful what you wish for... I hear Satan is terribly gassy.
Posted by: Thomas at January 24, 2009 11:56 AM (eX5th)
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September 22, 2008
June 05, 2008
Overheard at the Office
Him: You know me: I don't want to offend any body.
Me: Well, if you're not offending somebody, you're probably doing something wrong. You're probably doing something worse, in fact.
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May 08, 2008
April 19, 2008
April 09, 2008
I'm Doing Science
Flibbert: I just sprayed red ink all over my desk.
It was pretty awesome.
but a terrible mess.
Johndavid: Gross
Flibbert: It looks like blood is splattered on my schema paper.
Johndavid: ha
I love that
Flibbert: I want to spray someone with red ink now.
All it takes is a red ink pen and one of these cans of air.
and then you can make a huge mess.
My trashcan looks like a biohazard.
Johndavid: What in hell were you doing?
Flibbert:science.
Don't judge me.
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March 06, 2008
Did You Pray to Satan?
Flibbert: Did you pray to Satan about my computer?It's acting wrong.
Johndavid: No. It would be exploded or something.Not just acting wrong.
Flibbert: Maybe Satan just sent your call to one of his less competent underlings.
Johndavid: hahahaha - his underlings are all masterminds.
Flibbert: So, what you're telling me is that there is no growth potential in hell.I'm giving second thoughts to making evil my career.
Johndavid: Evil in hell is perfect evil.
Flibbert: Mm hm.
Johndavid: Which is a concept that the human brain can't actually conceive.
Flibbert: Ineffable evil?
Johndavid: I won't ask you to have faith, because they don't do that in hell either.
Flibbert: Interesting!I still think something wicked happened to my computer, though.
Johndavid: But I will ask you to be careful. You don't have to believe in a flaming lizard-monkey demon in order for it to bite you in the ass.And you can quote me on that.
Flibbert: I will!
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Don't you see? All computers all born with Original Sin. Your computer can't help itself--it's evil by nature.
Posted by: Tom Rexton at March 07, 2008 01:23 AM (lRQG+)
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January 04, 2008
Overheard in Chat
Flibbert: But I will worry about the logistical problems of the presidents' tacit Socialism when I'm sure he's not going to try to feed it to me from a communion tray.
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December 11, 2007
Overheard on Teevee
Robin Meade: Do you want to be a top or a bottom?
CNN HNN, Morning Express with Robin Meade
Robin, I love you but I'm not
in love with you.
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November 19, 2007
Overheard in a Diner
Johndavid: What I appreciate about Celine Dion is this: she is a phenomenal singer and has perhaps the best voice of any person alive today, but she still manages to think that she's better than she really is.
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October 31, 2007
Overheard in a Restaurant
Friend: Did you see the video for Gimme More?
Flibbert: Are you kidding me? It's garbage. It's her VMA performance, but it's worse because it has the full production effort of a music video behind it. It's gross.
Friend: I can see what she was going for though
Flibbert: [still ranting] And she's supposed to be a stripper but she's scared to swing on the pole? Whatever. And she can't walk in heels because SHE'S BEEN WEARING FLIP-FLOPS FOR THE PAST THREE GODDAMN YEARS!!
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October 30, 2007
Fascism and the Finns
Coworker #1: I think I have to go back to Finland to meet with [a client of ours].
[some conversation here about t-shirts and things]
Coworker #2: I don't mind the Finns, but do you know what bothers me about them? They sided with Hitler!!
Coworker #1: Well, yeah, there's that.
Coworker#2: Although when it comes to siding with Hitler, I don't hold it against everyone. I hold it against the Finns. I hold it against the Germans, but for some reason I can't hold it against Italy.
Flibbert: That's because they had Mussolini. They came up with their own f!bombed up sh!t.
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October 14, 2007
Hogan Knows Subpar
Overheard in Instant Message:
Johndavid: You know who I have realized does not, in fact, know best?
Johndavid: Hogan.
Flibbert: I think that's kind of the point of that show.
Johndavid: Yeah
Johndavid: In there lies the problem.
Flibbert: It's not just that he doesn't know best...
Flibbert: he doesn't even really know regular.
Johndavid: hahahaa
Flibbert: I wouldn't say he knows WORST, but it's subpar.
Flibbert: Hogan knows subpar.
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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1
From what I've seen (and it's only been a few episodes, so that might be it), however, he does seem to know better than the rest of his family. I realize that's not so much a compliment to
him as it is an insult to
them, but either way I think the title works.
Your thoughts?
Posted by: Inspector at October 15, 2007 03:25 AM (I9Q+9)
2
Yeah, I could see that, but WOW.
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at October 15, 2007 05:53 AM (DyJrw)
3
Yeah.
To quote Bart Simpson in reference to
Do Shut Up, "The mother is the voice of reason."
Posted by: Inspector at October 15, 2007 09:15 AM (I9Q+9)
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September 05, 2007
Hedging Our Bets
Friend: If Google merged with Apple, I would never sin again. I promise.
Flibbert: I will sin ALL. THE. TIME.
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August 20, 2007
Optional Values
Fantasy Football Dude 1: Aren't you a Jets fan?
Fantasy Football Dude 2: Yeah.
Fantasy Football Dude 1: You don't have any Jets on your team.
Fantasy Football Dude 2: I'm playing for money.
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August 06, 2007
Overhead in the Elevator
Guy pushing out of the elevator: 'Scuze me
Flibbert: Great. Now I'm pregnant.
Coworker: He said 'excuse me.'
Flibbert: Words won't make the baby go away.
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July 12, 2007
Overheard at the Gym
Flibbert to L'Italiana: You're the black lady that I aspire to be.
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June 14, 2007
Overheard on Gay.com
Long-haired, Shirtless Dude hi. nice pic
Flibbert Thanks.
Flibbert Where'd your shirt go?
Long-haired, Shirtless Dude oops.... yeah, it was a momentary lapse of judgement
Long-haired, Shirtless Dude I must have been tipsy
Flibbert uh huuuuhhh...
Why do I go on there again?
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April 04, 2007
Overheard in New York
This is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine and, unfortunately, I work near Times Square, so I encounter it a lot.
I'm pleased to see someone doing something about it, but I still think that in order to be effective, one needs an electric cattle prod.
A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.
Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don't have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He's rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn't have to say it so rude -- we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn't an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it's true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don't get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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1
Erik doesn't usually wear a suit...
Posted by: Sarah at April 04, 2007 10:37 AM (T/QAG)
2
I would say that the moral of the story is "Just because you walk upright doesn't mean you have a brain."
I hate those dipshits who stop in the middle of the sidewalk and I'm glad those guys stuck it to them. It's just like the people who stop at the top of the subway stairs to look around.
The mom and kids are clearly in the wrong here.
Posted by: Flibby at April 05, 2007 03:03 AM (ErOeR)
3
Hmm. I encounter the same annoyances everyday here in DC as well, particularly on the metro, but I guess I think there's a way to inform someone they are in the wrong and a way to just be a dick. Glad to see the reputation of New Yorkers being dicks is justified. I don't think there is a law that requires you to continue moving at all times on a busy sidewalk. She's a tourist from Tennessee in the biggest tourist area in NYC. Shocker!
I agree it's annoying to have people who don't know their way impede your commute to work, but maybe the guy in the suit could have said, hey if you're going to stop, can you please not block the flow of traffic. His prerogative, but I don't give him any snaps for being a shithead. I'm guessing this exchange actually took longer than a few seconds and so he himself probably stopped to blast her out. If I were behind him, I'd probably be just as annoyed that he didn't keep moving but felt it was his NY duty to bitch out a tourist. Anyone who lives in any city knows the pains of tourists. You just deal with it. I don't see a reason to go out of your way to be a prick about it.
Posted by: Britton at April 05, 2007 05:18 AM (PWyiS)
4
You're mistaken: No one is surprised that there are tourists or tourists acting like jackasses. It's a common enough situation. This isn't shock and awe you're seeing. It's justified anger and frustration.
Those tourists were probably walking more slowly than the rest of traffic and walking shoulder to shoulder, too.
They were being dicks and shitheads first.
This galls me in all contexts: people who act completely oblivious to other people and their surroundings.
These are the same people who leave their candy wrappers and cups in the movie theater. These people litter. They stop to talk to their friends in a narrow hall or doorway. They stop short on busy sidewalks. They walk to the front of long lines and pretend to be confused when someone tells them to go to the back -- but sometimes they're successful in cutting in line. They're people who drive slowly in the left lane. They're people who speed up to keep others from passing. They talk loudly on their cellphone in stores and elevators. They're people who wait for 10 minutes in line at McDonald's and still don't know what they want when they get to the cashier.
They're assholes.
These are people whose discourtesy is so extreme that it can only be borne of willful, practiced negligence and stupidity.
It isn't relevant that those two suits had to stop to make their point to that idiot woman and those window-licker children.
The suits didn't stop because they felt it was their duty. They did it because they were rightfully angry at those people for being so rude.
You can try to be polite if you want to, but it's not required. And it's more likely that being polite will not effectively educate the offenders.
I promise: those boobs won't soon forget their encounter with those suits and what caused it.
Further, the reputation that New Yorkers are dicks is misapplied. I've found them to be generally quiet but direct people. They are quick to anger, yes, but I have yet to see a New Yorker yell at anyone for no reason or be rude to someone who wasn't already being an asshat.
Posted by: Flibby at April 05, 2007 08:02 AM (ErOeR)
5
Again - ignoring the fact that it isn't a law that people on a sidewalk are required to walk at any particular pace or are not allowed to stop whenever they choose to look around. They were in Times Square, and I was using sarcasm when I said "Shocker". It's tourist hell. I've been there. I hate walking through there. I hate staying in hotels there because you can never get out of that area without it taking forever. But it's where tourists who don't know the "rules" go when they go to NYC. I work near the Zoo here and while it frustrates me to no end that every single day parents and their kids block the escalators to the subway, I understand they are there to go to the zoo and are probably from somewhere where they don't have escalators...or subways...or zoos. I politely say excuse me, can you stand to the right so people can get by who don't want to stand here. I don't have to call someone a fucking idiot to get my point across. I will bet you it is highly unlikely either of those suits would have opened their mouths had it been some beefy muscular guy stopping in their way. Call it what you want, needed, necessary or fantastic...but in the end, it's still just rude and typical of exactly the type of attitude people think New Yorkers have, whether its true or not.
Posted by: Britton at April 05, 2007 09:55 AM (PWyiS)
6
The rules of walking anywhere are all the same: Move with the traffic. Move to the side if you want to stop or if you find yourself unable to keep up.
The United States is pretty homogenous in this respect; I have yet to observe any place that doesn't follow these guidelines.
So, why do tourists feel like they don't have to abide by these common courtesies?
And these people weren't merely in the way. They were walking and the stopped short causing a collision with other foot traffic.
It's not relevant what the suits would have done if it were anyone else in their way. If it were Mother Theresa in their way (and alive) I would still think it acceptable for them to return her discourtesy with discourtesy of their own.
Courtesy exists so that people can navigate common situations easily and without conflict. These aren't merely guidelines for speech but also action. If people break the "rules" then they are being rude and asking for conflict. You may not choose to be rude to people who are rude to you, but depending on how severe the offense, I think it advisable to respond with a corresponding level of annoyance and anger.
If someone is merely in the way, I typically do as you do and say "excuse me." If they stop in my way and I'm able to get around them without hitting them, I usually hiss or sigh audibly at the inconvenience. But if someone stops short and it causes me to bump into them, I will get angry and respond with words or even by simply refusing to attempt to miss them or avoid knocking them over. As mentioned, I think calling those people "fucking idiots" is acceptable.
I am something of an anomaly, I suppose. I've always felt perfectly at home in New York. I've found people to be helpful and even friendly. Of course, I have a profound appreciation for the fact that they mind their own business and they're direct about what they want out of a situation.
And I suppose if the worst people have to say about New Yorkers, then it says more to me about the sort of person they are than it does about New York.
Posted by: Flibby at April 05, 2007 12:03 PM (ErOeR)
7
I've personally never had any issues with New Yorkers when I've been there - but that doesn't mean that isn't the perception many non-New Yorkers have of those from the city. Besides, there are SO many people, particularly in manhattan who aren't even from NYC. It's like DC - very few people I know here are FROM here.
I guess I was just raised differently. Exchanging discourtesy for discourtesy solves nothing beyond making you feel better about yourself for being as much of an asshole as the person who has offended you. I can't believe that this woman with her children deliberately stopped in order to ruin the mornings of all of those behind her. I'm sure she would have preferred not being bumped into - who wants that? She probably was just awestruck, dazed and confused by the masses of people and all the things to see in Times Square. I'm sure when you live there and work there day in and day out it sometimes loses its wonderment but for tourists, it is still something to behold. And they forget their manners I suppose. It's just obscene to be offensive to people in such a way as calling them what he called them. Especially a mother in front of her children. It's simply rude. But to each his own. I'm sure she won't forget it. And next time she wants to go on vacation with her kids, she'll probably go spend her money somewhere else like Disneyworld rather than in NYC. As much as we hate tourists, without them frankly I'd be out of a job.
Posted by: Britton at April 06, 2007 04:52 AM (PWyiS)
8
When I meet a native New Yorker, I always tease them about being one of the six because there are so few of them here compared to the number of people who aren't from here.
I didn't say that the woman and those teenagers stopped for the purpose of being in the way. They stopped for whatever reason popped into their heads and they did so without any consideration for those around them.
And I don't contest the fact the Times Square is an impressive sight. But I have never been the person who is so mindnumb that I forget that there are other people around me. That is the foundation of courtesy.
They were neglectful, not malicious, sure. Personally, those people make me more angry than the deliberate jackasses.
That woman and her teenagers -- not wee children -- isn't a victim here. They're inconsiderate fools who have the audacity to be upset when their lack of courtesy offends those around them. After all, she could have stopped the confrontation after being scolded, but she didn't.
And this isn't a rant against tourists. This is a rant against these people in every context and situation where they demonstrate a profound lack of consciousness for their situation.
They make me want to scream, "PAY ATTENTION!!!" It's not hard. It's not unreasonable. In fact, it's the lowest expectation I can hold for any human being.
New Yorkers just like to add "fuck" to their screaming. A lot.
Posted by: Flibby at April 06, 2007 08:09 AM (ErOeR)
9
Flibby......what happened to you???Man I love you but you have turned into such a dang city-boy!?!?!
Are you going to ban me,too??
Posted by: The Brat at April 08, 2007 05:18 PM (oqu5j)
10
Flibby........they are tourists.They have NEVER seen what you see every day.Cut them a slack and wonder how you'd b amazed by all the purdy sights in NYC!
Don't be a Red-Neck!
Posted by: The Brat at April 08, 2007 05:23 PM (oqu5j)
11
The first time I visited New York, I didn't act like that. Again, just because you're a tourist doesn't mean you have to be rude like that.
I understand if you're walking a little slowly or you're confused about how to get where you want to go. But step aside!
And of course I won't ban you, Brat, unless you're going to come to my blog and sneer at me like that asshole Eric.
(Further, you already know I'm a city boy!)
Posted by: Flibby at April 09, 2007 02:14 AM (rQ+Fh)
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March 23, 2007
Overheard at the Office
Tech Guy: So, you can access that server and just add the files.
Flibby: Um. No, I can't.
Tech Guy: Yes, you can.
Flibby: I really don't think I can.
Tech Guy: Have you tried?
Flibby: No.
Tech Guy: Try.
Flibby: How?
Tech Guy: Open this application...
Flibby: You know I don't have an account on that application, right?
Tech Guy: Oh. Well, then you can't do it.
Flibby: I didn't think so.
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March 15, 2007
Overheard at the Office
Coworker: You don't want free coffee?
Flibby: I don't drink straight coffee.
[pause]
All my coffee is [waving arms and wiggling in his chair] GAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
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February 13, 2007
From the Mouths of Babes
Mom: So, what kind of animals do you think we will see at the zoo?
Small boy: I think elephants and snakes... Mom? Are there also pretend things there, like dinosaurs and God?
Mom: I think we need to have a talk when we get home.
--N train near Union Square
From Overheard in New York
Posted by: Flibbertigibbet at
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I hope that the "talk" that the Mom gives the Small Boy corrects him about dinosaurs... Dinosaurs are a historical fact and not pretend like God or Santa Clause.
On a related note: I find it peculiar and disturbing that many adults do not know the difference between dinosaurs and dragons.
Posted by: Troy at February 13, 2007 04:15 AM (MKYOb)
2
One would hope that's what she wants to talk about, but please do not tell me that there is anyone who confuses dragons and dinosaurs. The proposition alone is beyond even my lowest opinions of humanity.
Posted by: Trey Givens at February 13, 2007 08:22 AM (ErOeR)
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February 05, 2007
Overheard at the Office
Coworker: Flibby, where are you going?
Flibby: What?
Coworker: Are you going on vacation or something?
Flibby: Um. I'm just going to sit here at my desk. What are you talking about.
Coworker:Your suitcase.
Flibby: Oh! Yeah, I'm moving some stuff out to my apartment in Astoria this evening. I'm going to take a little vacation in sunny Astoria.
Coworker: Oh yeah? That'll be nice. You know, to get away for a bit.
Flibby: Yeah. It'll be relaxing. Take a little break...
Coworker: I heard there are Queens out there.
Flibby: I sure hope so.
ZING!
I'm here all week, folks. Remember to tip your bartenders!
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November 25, 2006
Overheard in a Shoe Store
Ditz: Hi! Do you sell Jewelry?
Shoe salesman: No. This is a shoe store.
Ditz: But you used to?
Shoe salesman: shakes head
Ditz: Just a little bit?
Shoe salesman: shakes head
Ditz: leaving I'M SO CONFUSED!
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