February 25, 2009

Top Chef New York Finale!!!

It's the finale!!! YAY!  It's down to Hosea, Stefan, and Carla.

I am actually kind of cheering for Carla now.  She's the underdog in this, but she has been rocking out her dishes lately.

Stefan who has impressed me for most of the season has been a disappointment for the past few episodes because he is always trying to take the easy way out.

Hosea is just whiney.  He doesn't completely annoy me, but I also don't see much to like about him these days.

THERE'S SEXY PADMA!  I LOVE YOU, PADMA! YOU'RE SO PRETTY!

And there's hunky Chef Tom telling them they can make whatever they want.  Hi, Tom!

The cheflets are going to be assisted by runners up from past seasons including my favorite master of the choke, Richard, from last season.  He's working with Hosea.  Carla got some chick I don't know.  Hosea is cooking with Stefan.

Stefan and Hosea fight over fois gras and Hosea wins because Stefan is being a whiney bitch.  Stefan also bitches because Hosea picked up all the caviar.

Carla's lady is teaching her to cook in a bag.  If it works, it will be awesome.

Stefan says cooking simple food is much sexier than "a bunch of bullshit" and I reminded of how he doesn't try hard enough.

The "treat" for the night according to Carla is a voodoo tarot card and palm reader.  She says that Stefan has a chance with Lesbian Jaime.  Science.  Look at it.

After the commercial, Tom comes in and tells them they have to make a fourth course to their meal, an appetiser, from crab, fish, or alligator.  To decide who picks, they eat King Cake and Hosea gets to decide who cooks what.  Carla got crab and Stefan got the alligator.

I'm excited about Carla cooking crab.  It seems like something she could be really good at preparing.

I lost track of what was happening just now because I was playing on Facebook, but I'm back now.  I think I missed some menus or something, so I'm going to rewind.

Carla's crab appetizer doesn't sound like it's going to work to me.

Hosea is making sashimi, fois gras and scallops, and venison.  His appetizer is going to be a blackened fish thingie.  He's not making dessert because he's not good at it, he says.

Stefan is making a carpaccio, squab, and an ice-cream dessert.  This menu sounds kind of weird to me.

Carla is making snapper, strip steak, and a cheese tart.  Bravo really didn't leave her menu up very long.  Carla explains that a French menu goes fish, beef, cheese.  So, then they start talking about changing the tart to a souffle and I start thinking that would be a mistake.  You don't change horses mid-stream, yo.  I don't know what decision they made, though, because I was typing.

Hosea's appetiser looks yummy, but I am not quite sure why it's on an upturned shot glass.

Stefan made alligator soup and brags about it.  People love it.

Carla's crabby thing is weird, but people aren't super enthusiastic about it.

Sexy Padma introduces all the guests who are all foodies of some sort.


Stefan's first course looks very flat.  Carla's looks more robust than the others'.  And Hosea's looks colorful, but random.

Carla's dish gets praise.  Hosea's is critiqued as being weak in flavor.  Stefan's dish is also called bland.

Stefan's second course looks delicious now that it's cooked.  Carla's plate looks good, but strange.  And Hosea's plate looks yummy, too.

Carla's steak is critiqued as being just wrong.  It's because she went outside of her skillset.  Stefan's squab is highly praised.  Hosea's dish gets mixed reviews but more positive than Carla's.

Stefan and Hosea aren't even thinking about Carla.  They assume that one of them will be the winner.

Stefan accuses Hosea of taking the easy way out.

Turns out Carla did go with the souffle even though I told her not to and ruins it.  Fail.  What did I tell you?!

Stefan's dessert looks like a huge pile of sugar.  Good, but a LOT of sugar.  Carla's third course looks stupid and disappointing.  Hosea's venison looks good.

Stefan's plate gets rather bad reviews.  Hosea's dish is highly praised.  Few talk about Carla's plate other than to say it was disappointing.

Fabio says that Hosea should be the winner.  Some French version of Kenny Rogers (classic Kenny, not Kenny today) says Hosea's meal is too safe and votes for Stefan.

So the judges retire to talk smack and we're left to listen to the chefs pontificate about life and winning Top Chef.

I think Hosea should win based on how good their food appeared to be.

At the judging, Carla gets a rather uneven, even mediocre reviews.  It all amounts to the fact that Carla doesn't have a strong enough will to follow her own direction on things, so she let that lady convince her to do other things.

Hosea gets generally positive reviews.  His sashimi plate isn't the best, but the rest is pretty good.

Stefan's appetizer is also well-received.  His carpaccio is panned as watery and bland.  They loved his squab and Tom called it the strongest dish of the night.  The judges can barely hide their disdain for his dessert, though.

Stefan thinks he deserves to win as the most consistent, strongest chef.

Hosea thinks he deserves to win because he did a good job.

Carla cries at the question because she is disappointed in allowing her sous chef to change her mind about her menu.  Stefan hugs her and tries to comfort her, but he's laughing as he does it and it comes off as a little cruel.

Padma calls Stefan's dessert "pedestrian" and I laugh out loud.  Tom praises Hosea's progression, the bitchy Brit is back and he doesn't like that Hosea left off dessert.  No one mentions Carla except to imply that she's obviously not the winner.



WHOA!  I didn't see that coming!!

The audience voted and 65% of people think that Carla should be Top Chef.  Pity votes.  Shameful.



So, this season didn't really go anything like how I predicted.  I think if I had been really enthusiastic about any of the candidates I'd feel more strongly about how it wrapped up.  As is, I kind of think, "Meh."  But I can't wait for next season!

I LOVE YOU, SEXY PADMA!











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February 14, 2009

Happy Huggy Smoochy Candy Day!













What are some of your favorite love songs?

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February 12, 2009

Kids are Weird (So are Kittens, Apparently)



The part that gets me is when she starts singing porno music to one of the cats.  "Bow-chikka-bow-wow"  I wonder what she thinks that means.

Courtesy of Miles of Get Up Offa That Thing

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February 09, 2009

LOOK AWAY.

I tried to warn you.

humorous pictures
more animals

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February 04, 2009

Top Chef: New York's Final Six!

America tunes into Top Chef New York this week still shocked that Bug Eyes won last week and that Blondie Bear is no longer on the show.  Clearly, the producers read this blog and just like reading "Bug Eyes."  But America asks, "Wasn't it more fun to say 'Bangs McGee?' Who was that girl, anyway?"

Left to amuse us are Stefan, who choked last week, Hosea who is becoming a non-personality, Bug Eyes, the miracle child, Fabio, the child who thinks he's a miracle just because someone made a short bus just for him, Snapper, who is still skankin' up the place, and Lezzie, who took to whining last week and I hope she doesn't keep it up.

So, the show starts with people just being boring and/or crazy in a boring way namely Bug Eye's delusion that she's going to win.

A creepy guy shows up with sexy Padma who challenges them to a technique challenge that involves filleting a sardine.

You know Snapper can't handle this.  She can't fillet a normal size fish.

Hosea talks about how it's really hard.

Stefan is like, "Whatever."

Lezzie is like, "I tore that fish up."  That's what she said.

Bug Eyes tunes into reality for a second and just chases the creepy guy away from her sardine blood bath.

Snapper somehow actually does it.

Fabio BLOWS UP.

Lezzie does OK.

Somehow Snapper actually wins.  I start thinking that I am watching this from an alternate universe.

Round two is up and Lezzie and Bug Eyes are out, everyone has to clean a big, scary looking fish.

Snapper completely blew it this round and Hosea can't remember why he made out with such a quitter.

Stefan talks crazy about his accomplishment.

Fabio and Snapper get cut and Stefan and Hosea have to filet freshwater eel.  Apparently, eels continue to move for some time after death.  Hosea has NO idea how to do this and he has to watch Stefan to figure out what to do.  Stefan is a machine.

Stefan clearly wins and everyone is happy that the creepy guy left.

During this commercial break, I would like you all to join me in a cheer inspired by the fantastic cheer movie: Bring it On.

BRRRRRR... IT'S GETTING COLD IN HERE!  THERE MUST BE SOME STEFAN IN THE ATMOSPHERE!

I trust you did the appropriate clapping and stomping rhythms as you chanted that.

Back from commercial break everyone goes to dinner at the creepy guy's restaurant, Le Bernardain, and the audience just knows that they're going to have to recreate these foods as their challenge.  Who has the least developed sense of taste?  Snapper? Bug Eyes?

Snapper thinks creepy guy is cute.  Girl is just horny, I think.

Lezzie hates everything, so she'll be at a disadvantage.

I was right.

Stefan chooses to make the lobster plate.  Hosea says it's the easiest.  Lezzie pulls the dish she hated the most.

My mouth is watering watching them cook.  I love fish, especially rare tuna.

While they cook, the creepy guy is just watching them.

Snapper, it turns out, was a lead fish cook somewhere.  America now thinks she's a liar and a horndog.  I don't think there's anyone around who will go to bed with her over this information, though, so I don't know who she thinks she's fooling.

Hosea is mystified.  Snapper is just making stuff up.  Fabio is babbling about national pride or something again.

Creepy guy comes around and gives everyone tips on how to improve their dish -- except for Lezzie who wasn't far enough along to give him a chance.

Fabio burns his bread just in time to send it to the chefs.  Tom calls his dish a forgery.  A good forgery, but a forgery all the same.

Snapper is behind schedule and knows she did this wrong.  Tom says her fish is overcooked and the flavors aren't balanced properly.  Everyone agrees it's a miss.

Stefan is doing his final prep and is confident that the minor differences won't hurt him.  Unfortunately, his hollandaise sauce is visibly thicker, but that is their only complaint.  Everything else is bang on.

Bug Eyes has 15 minutes to make potato chips and everyone helps her get it to the plate.  Tom says she had one of the most difficult dishes.  The judges say she did a good job.  I am, again, shocked she's doing so well.

Hosea has something gross.  Dude.  It's so gross.  I'm looking at it and I don't like how it tastes.  The judges agree with me.  It looks crazy.  His sauce is close, but his fish is wrong.  Tom is concerned about his career since he is a seafood chef.

Lezzie has to make something she hates and her celery is too salty and she knows it.  Everyone makes horrible faces when they taste it.  Bitchy Brit doesn't hold back and calls it "not only unremarkable, but remarkably poor."

I think it's going to come down to Hosea, Snapper, and Lezzie to lose this one.  I hope it's snapper, but I am worried it's Lezzie.  They made it sound like her dish was horrid.

The winner is either Stefan or, I can't believe I'm saying this, Bug Eyes.  I hope it's Stefan.

Back from commercial, we are reminded why Padma is sexy Padma.  Look at that dress!  Look at her, um, decolletage! She is stunning.  Love you, Padma!

Stefan, Fabio, and Bug Eyes are lavished with praise and the creepy guy is particularly impressed with Bug Eyes.  !!!



The worst three are up for judging.

Hosea begs off his failure on ignorance and just poor judgment.  Apparently, he knew what went wrong and this is the best response he could give.  I think he's safe.

Snapper just says she's completely mystified about her plate and knows she effed it up.  Bitchy Brit lays into her.  Tom takes her to task on giving up in the Quick Fire Challenge.  During the discussion later, Tom complains that Snapper didn't pay attention to the dish at all.

Lezzie thinks her sole mistake is the overreduction around the celery which made it salty and this, I think, will be her undoing.  Padma wanted to send it back and the other judges' remarks are drifting into other areas.  Lezzie claims to know her mistakes, but couldn't fix them.  Bitchy Brit actually defends her saying she really did seem to know what the problems were and how to fix them.

In the discussion after, Tom asks, "Who is worse: someone who knows they made a mistake and knows how to fix it, or someone who has no idea how a dish is put together?"

The decision is clearly between Lezzie and Snapper.  It sounds like they're leaning toward sending Snapper home, but it's a close call.  Before the judges' after talking, it sounded like Lezzie was losing.  I HOPE it's Snapper because if Lezzie goes home, it will completely eff my predictions for the final three.



See you next week!

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February 02, 2009

Happy Birthday, Ayn Rand! Always a Genius

Ayn Rand makes me so happy.  I was thinking about it in the shower the other day and it just amazes me that she was able to formulate such a brilliant and elegant system of ideas that encompasses the whole of human existence for all time.

Simply amazing.

So, today on her birthday, give some thought to what a wonderful world in which we live that gave rise to such an incredible woman.

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