I know what you're thinking.  When you read the title of this post, you thought I would be writing about dancing Hasidics with curly sideburns a-flying.  I regret having to disappoint you.

I was invited to attend my very first Jewish holiday event.  Tonight is the first night of Hanukkah.

If you're a goy like me, you may not know that Hanukkah isn't really a very important holiday in Jewish people.  It just happens to generally coincide with Christmas, so it gets more attention than it really warrants.

I think the story of Hanukkah is recorded in the Apocrypha.  I'm not Catholic, so I can't say for sure, but if you are and you have that in your version of the Christian texts, check out the book of the Maccabees.  (For others who are more familiar with the Protestant version of the Christian mythos, the apocryphal texts are not "officially" biblical texts in the sense that they are alleged to be inspired by divinity, but are nonetheless considered important historical records which represent the acts of God in contexts beyond the acts of the saints, prophets, and all that stuff.  At least that's my limited understanding of things.)

So, basically, way back in the day the Maccabees pitched a big fit and were chased into the temple or something and they didn't have enough oil to keep the candles or whatever lit over the altar, but magically what little oil they did have lasted for eight days.  This is why Hanukkah lasts for eight days and why it's called the "Festival of Lights."

We can point to similarly implausible stories around the Christmas holiday among Christians and for non-Christians we need not subscribe to magical thinking in order to appreciate the value of Christmas.  As far as I could tell, there's no reason to be religious to appreciate Hanukkah, either.

Christmas is, by far, the superior holiday for non-religious folk even though it only lasts a single day, but Hanukkah has its virtues.  Christmas is all about spending money, celebrating productive efforts, and giving gifts to people you value.  Hanukkah seems to be about eating food.

The party I attended was hosted by a clearly non-religious Jew.  He was obviously using the holiday as an excuse to throw a party.  I brought a bottle of good, non-kosher wine, as did other guests.  He did try to serve traditional Jewish foods like latkes, kasha, blints and some other things the names of which I can't remember.

Most of the food tasted fine, but was made of things that cavemen clearly did not eat and so I had a few tastes and that was it.  I did have a few too many chocolate and mint cookies and grew mildly ill throughout the evening.  Fortunately, I made it home before it became a pressing issue.

He also had some dreidles out, but no one played the game associated with that. I opened one of his chocolate coins from the game, but noted that it was afflicted with chocolate bloom and was told that those coins were several years old and should not be eaten.  (I don't care if people say the chocolate is fine. Chocolate bloom makes it taste chalky and unpleasant.  I think it's terrible.)

I think if you threw a party for eight days straight and dedicated it to eating lots and lots of food, then this might be a holiday I could get into.  As it is, I think Hanukkah is really just an appetizer.

So, in sum, should you celebrate Hanukkah?  Yeah, maybe.  I don't think you need an excuse to throw a party like this, though.  Unless you're going to do it for all eight days or if you're going to involve some sort of choreography for Hasidics.

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